I don't have an IC yet. That was going to be today's project but I got consumed with all this.
Glad to hear you're still eating, but concerned about your loss of appetite and sleep problems... I hope you can book in with your IC soon. Don't let this go, GW. Hugs.
I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
Set healthy boundaries that are about YOU, not about controlling her
Isnt that what I would be doing...telling her we are either all in or we are all out. That I won't live in a M with 3 people which is exactly what we have right now. OM is in deep. EA is raging
M39 W41 Two children WAW bomb dropped 11/7/09 Piecing Aug 10 - Nov 10 No longer piecing...Nov 10 Separation Jan 11 EA ends again Feb 11 Piecing attempt #2, Mar 11
GW, I totally agree with OT: the more they realize that the OP is NOT the solution to their problems, the more desperately they struggle to "prove" that they love, need, etc, this person. My H certainly did that more and more at the dying throes of their R. It was a last-ditch attempt to avoid the misery of withdrawal and beginning to come to terms with what he'd done.
I think it's extremely positive that your W realizes she needs counselling. However, it seems to me that you're not yet at the detached place you need to be to be able to rebuild your M. Keep working on becoming that confident person who can deal with whatever life throws him, who is secure in himself. No matter what happens with your M, you and your children can only benefit from your becoming the sort of man you most admire.
I am no longer detached, guilty as charged. That's what 3 months of good/productive piecing did to me...
M39 W41 Two children WAW bomb dropped 11/7/09 Piecing Aug 10 - Nov 10 No longer piecing...Nov 10 Separation Jan 11 EA ends again Feb 11 Piecing attempt #2, Mar 11
I know you are in so much f'ing pain right now BUT, there are really positive signs here. She is freaking out. Going to mind-read your wife here for a minute... "Why doesn't OM want me anymore, what is wrong with me, if this counseling doesn't go well with my H, I have nothing left, I need to be needed by someone"
SCARED. She needs her crutch. She is willing to go to counseling. The EA is winding down, pressure, demands, reverse psychology (you should be with him, blah, f'ing blah!).
Get out of the house if you need to but don't make any decisions about your future unless you truly must.
Do NOT take it personally. I repeat, do NOT. It is about her and her crazy feelings. I agree, now is the time to shine, detach and act 'as if'...
(Formerly blgp) Me-35 H-33 Married 4 yrs Together 9 yrs "Bomb" 8/1/10 Separated 8/6/10 D filed 10/21/10, on hold til 1/11
"If you want to hear God laugh, tell Him about your life plans."
I am just not sure, I'm not going to sugar coat it. She agreed once before to C, but that was just to fill a square and get me off her back. If you had read the crap I have between them the last 24 hours, no so sure...
There are "others" who are advisely me strongly, stand-up and call her bluff. Tell her either we are all in or we are all out.
We are certainly back to ground zero. PEA rush is high now. Its as if the affair never ended. Back to day 0.
And mentally and emotionally it is taking its toll.
I am playing it by ear for now...but it might all come to a head tonight.
M39 W41 Two children WAW bomb dropped 11/7/09 Piecing Aug 10 - Nov 10 No longer piecing...Nov 10 Separation Jan 11 EA ends again Feb 11 Piecing attempt #2, Mar 11
I have been to hell and back and I don't won't to go there again. This is becoming a trauma. I have been the positive/upbeat/optimistic one for so, so long...
M39 W41 Two children WAW bomb dropped 11/7/09 Piecing Aug 10 - Nov 10 No longer piecing...Nov 10 Separation Jan 11 EA ends again Feb 11 Piecing attempt #2, Mar 11
