Last entanglement in Paris

[sleeper]

I caught major spew from X this AM re: the kids. Haven't seen that in a while. I think it may have been guilt driven as she was at a party when I tried to contact her concerning them and she didn't respond. The spew hit this AM at 7:30 (major profanity). I hung up on her.

One funny thing is this evening she said she was "sorry about our fight this morning." I said "it was over the top and didn't have to go there."

The other funny thing is I really don't give a sh*t.

[Bworl]

Sleeper,

It's been awhile since I've visited. I've always loved your thread, loved your humor and your honest reflections on things happening in your life. In my mind I have always thought that you sounded like a hell of a guy, someone I absolutely would not mind having a beer with.

For some time I honestly believed that your wife would come back around. My heart was truly saddened for you when she married the other dude.

Yet you have survived, nay, even thrived in the aftermath of one of the worst losses any of us can experience - divorce.


I say all these things to let you know that I hold you in the highest regard, especially given that you are someone I have never met but for here in the cyber world.


I know you still love your ex-wife. I know you do. I can almost literally feel it in the words you write. And, for now at least, it seems you can continue to live well loving her even as she remains married to another.


But I worry about you too.


A good relationship with an ex-spouse is highly desirable, especially when young children are involved. I'm glad that I have a reasonably decent working relationship with my ex. I'm also exceedingly glad that circumstances do not require us to interact on anything like a regular basis.



Just take care of yourself. Live your life, and do so keeping yourself open to all the opportunities that life presents. And please be careful not to allow your continuing love for your ex-wife to allow you to remain trapped with her forever.


You are worth much, much, more than that.



Blessings my friend,

Bill

[sleeper]

Thanks, Bill

[sleeper]

More stuff I shoulda seen coming......

Here I sit on Christmas Eve, alone in the house X, the kids and I lived in together pre-separation. The kids are with X and OMH in their new home tonight.

"God bless us, every one."

[forward]

Sleeper, You're not alone in that a lot of divorced people are alone at this time. At this point my X is alone as far as I know.

I assume you will see the kids tomorrow. Kick back, read, take care of yourself and all will be well.

When I do not have D (which is not very frequent), I try to do some adult things that are hard to do w/D.

[sleeper]

Update.....

I was down for several days but had a great Christmas with my kids Christmas Day afternoon. "Santa" brought my son a gift he had asked me for repeatedly over the past couple of months but I made clear he didn't "need". I have a pic of him when he walked into the room which is pricess. He froze with his mouth agape. DD was also excited and happy with what "Santa" brought her. She knows, he doesn't (much to my surprise).

For the research, I've made some observations regarding X/OMH/stages of mlc....

OMH is in many respects just a big kid. When I went to their house to pic up the kids he was playing, alone with his cat, with a toy that is a duplicate of one they had bought DS (I KID YOU NOT). X was in DD's room with DD and X. While with them in DD's room, OMH came in to tell X what his cat had done. Does he not have a life? He is the poster child for the saying; "the only difference between men and boys is the size of their toys."(truck, van, jetski, skiboat, motorcycle, airplane). WHEN I POINTED OUT A GAME THEY GAVE DS WAS NOT AGE APPROPRIATE FOR DS HE SAID HE WOULD KEEP IT FOR HIMSELF AND PLAY IT.

Today X came by to pick up th kids. I asked why she was so happy to which she responded, "Cause I'm getting my kids and I get to spend the day with them." Four years ago you would have thought she didn't know they existed.

[graceallday]

sleeper - they are clueless.....i often wonder when i am with my boys who are both now over 18...but will always be the kids and I look forward to time with them more than ever, that will never change....but i do sometimes struggle with the resentment of the times the kids are always missing the other parent and the the times I am not the parent with them...its all so not worth it...i know i say that has the lbs not the mlcer or walker (runner) but i have to wonder...they cant possibly still think it is worth it...

my x married the ow on feb 2010 we divorced 10/3/08, bomb 2005 - timeline clost to yours....but we dont talk much at all, his guilt and shame are too consuming.

I get down about what our society has done to marriage , dovorce and remarriage. I have spent some time studying since all of this and from what i can discern....Marriage is a permanat state till death of one spouse. Too much to write here and this is not a Christian web site anyway..but what i am saying while bowrl wites some nice thoughts, God may have laid something on our heart you cant ignore, only you know.

take care , hope the new year is good to you.

[forward]

Sleeper, I am seeing some changes in the same way now. Not huge, but some.

[forward]

Sleeper, In my thread you had said you were afraid that X would come around as you get ready to move on.

I guess I see that as a bit of a fantasy at this point. The fact is, after this much time has gone by, we don't know our spouses very well any more. We haven't had intimate conversations in years. I realized that X is essentially a stranger, and so is his family. Four years is a LONG time. Your X remarried. Sure, she might still come around, but you might consider that you would need to start with her as you would any other new date, not as someone where you could pick up where you left off.

In fact, you would need to regard her as MORE risky than a new date for a LTR, because she already proved to you that she was willing to bail.

There is a part of me that would like to resuscitate things, because they were good when they were good. But I guess I see that as a fantasy at this point.

Not saying you should or shouldn't wait...but falling in love again is possible.

[forward]

(and by "falling in love again" I mean with someone new)