Starting on a different path

[dbmod]

CityGirl and Mystik,

CityGirl has a great perspective but she uses the words 'abusive' and 'ONLY' a lot in a several scenarios that are exxagerated.

CityGirl--you do have a great heart and a perspective that is just wonderful for Mystik. But abusive IS exxagerated here. And 'ONLY' is misplaced and is incorrect. You may have experience, but the experts for this place are the DB Coaches and Michele.

That does not discount your Point of View. You have a wonderful point and perspective. And it is helpful for Mystik. Please keep giving her the support.

I will not debate this on Mystik's thread.

[Mystik]

Dreamt about H last night. In my dream he was coming back to me and was telling me that I needed to understand he had loved OW and to give him time to get over that. He said that he told me he was over me but it wasn't true, the feelings were still there. I went to group therapy so excited to tell them H and I were working things out... Then I woke up.

Not able to go to treatment today. DS has to be fever-free for 24 hours before he can return to school, and my mom has today off so she can't watch him for me to go to treatment. He is feeling better today, still a bit warm to the touch but not as bad as yesterday.

Not feeling as anxious today as I was yesterday. So that's a good thing.

[Mystik]

Nothing much went on today. Went out and got a new tree and new ornaments for it. While I was setting the tree up I was getting a bit sad, thinking about how H should be there helping me and DS get ready for Christmas as a family. So trying to push away the thoughts about H.

[Mystik]

Was going through DS's papers from school the other night and there was one about what he likes to do with his family, and in the drawing was four people. I immediately thought he drew H, Whore, her brat and himself. So like I usually do I asked him to tell me about the picture. He drew me, H, himself and the bastard child. Took me aback for a moment.

H has been on my mind a lot today. I keep trying to push him out of there but he always finds his way back in. The holidays were hard on me last year, looks like this year will be more of the same.

[Mystik]

Just feeling rather down these past few days. Really missing H and ruminating on what could have, what should have, been. I know that I just need to be patient and wait out the affair to blow up in H's face, but it's darn hard to do at times. I hate not knowing what is going to happen when. I know that I need to trust God and in his timing, that He has it all under control. I'm not a patient person, I have the rest of my life though to learn some and wait this thing out.

[bluestar]

What I see is that you've been away from your therapy for a few days so you've backslid a little. Keep working on the homework they've given you and make sure you get back on Monday. The old thinking will keep trying to creep back in because your brain has become wired to accept it as fact when it's not. You've got to keep working to restructure your thinking.

You're doing great, Mystik. Try to just enjoy the moments as they happen and not dwell on the past or what you think "should" be. Make some new rituals just for you and your DS.

[Mystik]

I am trying to use the skills but they aren't working so well for me. It doesn't help that I'm not yet familiar with all of them.

Cried after dropping DS off to his father this morning. Teared up but didn't outright cry after picking him up. It is so damn hard seeing H driving around in Whore's car, perfectly comfortable with it. I'm just feeling so drained right now.

[Mystik]

I feel like right now, I can accept that H is not with me. But I cannot accept that he chose Whore over me. I cannot accept that H may not return. To accept those would be admitting defeat and permanent loss of H.

[courageous wife]

Hey Mystik

I don't think that "accepting" what is happening with your H right now would be admitting defeat or permanent loss of your H.

What you'd be "accepting" is this...

what is going on with your H right now IS BEYOND YOUR CONTROL.
There is nothing you can do FOR him right now...nothing!

But...you are doing something for YOU and YOUR S by going to therapy, practicing your newly learned skills and taking care of you!!! Give yourself some time...like bluestar said, it will take some time to learn the new way of thinking!

Hang in there girl!!!!

[bluestar]

The skills are working better than you think. There is sooo much growth in both of those posts. Teared up but didn't cry. Can accept that H is not with me (or really anything about your sitch)... Both show major growth!! So proud of you.