I was contacted by the Child Support Agency, who told me my wife had been in touch and I had to pay £300per month, to her for our children, when I told them the issues and her sctions they couldn't believe it, but they have a job to do, this was taking into account I have them 3 nights per week!!
Yep, I'm in the UK also. As long as you think that's fair then it's fine. I am always astonished when there is 50/50 childcare, why any of the spouses should owe the other anything.
They want to leave us, but when faced with the financial consequences of their decision they are very happy to hold their hand out for money.
You can't fight it, but it makes you feel like a criminal at times going through the process?
We have a near 50/50 split, but I have to pay her?
I questioned this, but its "policy", load of crap if you ask me!!!
But it has helped me to totally detach, it has also shown me her in a different light, she has always liked money, and the good things, problem is I gave them!
Please, Please, Please, listen to what everyone advises, back off, let them be, they come to you!!!
I have moved on from my wife totally, don't talk to her, other than the kids, and I only send a text, I have been polite, happy, which I am, and generally a better person.
She calls me everyday, or sends a text!, she never contacted me when she first went!
She called me regarding Xmas presents for the kids the other day, and spent about an hour talking to me, she didn't sound too happy when I ended it and said I had to go!!
She keeps asking about me selling the house, not to rush into anything, give it a few months?, why if she wants out of the marriage, why wait!, I think she is having doubts?
The kids are great, we have a great time together, and I think she feels she is missing out, and you know what?, she is!!
She asked me about how I feel, told her I'm great, I exercise, I laugh, I don't drink, I'm never down, I sleep well, I feel great!!!, I said I wasn't sure if it was the meds I now take, or if it's because I don't feel married?, this is true, this is what I have been thinking, yes I miss my family, I dearly love my wife, but I feel like a different person, is this beacuse I'm not with her, and I can be myself again?
I see the kids everyday, I'm their dad, and best friend, I love them more than life, but they are happy and we have a great time together, so it's not them as they are still in my life everyday, there are only a few things different, no wife, no drink, and my medication.
Was my wife and unhappiness causing me to drink? Or was it because I had no medication before this time?
I cannot say honestly what the reason is, other than I'm fine!
If she asked me tomorrow to get back together, I could not say yes straight away, that is a massive statement from somebody who felt their life was over when she left!, but that is how I feel.
I have spent time with somebody else, she is aware of my situation, but we just talk, and enjoy each others company?
I feel attractive again, I feel good about myself, this is where we all need to be when this crap happens, we need to feel good about US!, not what other people want, that is the answer to all our problems!
I don't know what the future holds, what I do know is I am not going back to the person I was!!!
With her or without her, it's about me, if she wants to come alomg for the ride fine, if not fine, but that is my desicion, based on what I want and what makes me happy!!
Keep going guys, you can all get here, it's great when you do!!!
Everything is going well, we are talking, mainly about the kids, but there are no arguments, no upset, but also nothing about "us" or the future.
I feel great, and having a ball!!
I saw her last night, she was in the car dropping something off for the kids, see sat there talking to me, but was looking me up and down, it was totally obvious, don't think she actually knew she was doing it!!
I don't want to read too much into it, but there must be an interest somewhere from her?
It's nice and flattering, but I'm not getting carried away by it?
But it does feel nice to feel she is interested and looking at me!!!!!!
But here is a question, what do I do at Xmas? n It's her birthday ear the time also, do I get her a present, or just leave it?
Any thoughts guys
I asked my WAW what she'd like for Christmas and she flat out said don't get me anything. So, I'm going to spend the money on myself !
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
Things are going well with my wife, we talk most days, not just text, massive change!!!
We talk about each other, how we are, not about the future, or the past really, just the odd comment.
Kids are great, I asked her about spending Xmas together, she had already arranged to go to her sisters, but the kids want to be with me for the day!!!, we are going to work it out so there are no big issues, its up to the kids I have said and left it at that.
She came round on Sunday to pick up some Xmas decs she asked for, we have never really been together for 2 months!!, she was very subtle, but she was flirting with me!!
She was going out that night with friends for her birthday coming up, and the kids are staying at her parents not me, as I have to leave for work early the next morning so it was a shame to get them up with me, and I asked her why didn't she come back to mine after she had been out and we could spend the night together!!!, I can flirt as well!!!
She giggled in a way that I know she was interested, but said that she I was mad, and giggled again, she never said no, but just smiled and left.
She never turned up by the way, but I never really expected her too!!!!
We are getting on great, and I really think we can make this work, BUT, I'm in no hurry, I'm enjoying myself, my kids are great, and we are all happier!!!
