You appear to be giving me similar advice to CDBear, but the way you phrase it (without the hate and anger in your voice) your point is made and feels heartfelt. dbmod seems to have missed the part where my wife didn't return to her apartment all night.
Sinclair, I just want you to know that I personally KNOW CD Bear off the boards and he is one of the greatest guys you will ever meet. I believe his "tone" was more of a frustration with the "One who rules" the boards right now. I can assure you, he has NO anger or hate towards you or your W. He asked me to let you know this, because well, HE CAN'T post anymore.
He apologized to you and realizes that his approach was harsh. My opinion, without him I personally would not be where I am today. He personally took out the time to HELP me get where I am today and he only wished to try and pay forward to you as well. He could be considered the "Poster Boy of Detachment".
Just hope you don't stay offended at his comments, because that was not his intent at all.
I'm surprised by how many comments to my thread are being deleted. Makes me wonder what's going on here.
Well, just got back from wife's place. We had our talk and it went better than I had expected. We had a good discussion, but she said that she already understood my position. She didn't try to deny anything either (for a change); she claimed to be confused (duh); she said that she was sorry (this was her first apology during this mess). It was fairly obvious that she wasn't having the fun filled weekend with OM that I had envisioned. What ever happened between them wasn't good; she was an emotional train wreck.
She still wants to work on our relationship, but she has questions for her IC tomorrow. Our biggest issue, in her words, was that I wasn't fulfilling her emotional needs. I'm sure that's true; if I hadn't been neglectful of her emotionally, the OM wouldn't have had an opportunity to fill that role.
Another small step, but still in limbo land. I guess?
I sure never expected to have this kind of drama in my life.
Good call CityGirl, the letter idea wouldn't have given me the feedback I needed.
Thanks to everyone ells for your support, even if I'll never know what some of you said.
When you say the boundaries have been set, HOW did you set them?
The most important thing is what you said above--you weren't meeting her needs, and the affair met some of it. And you seem to have evidence the weekend WAS NOT a continuation of the affair. You have evidence that it's YOU she wants to continue with.
The big deal here is NOT about the boundary, it's about your couple relationship. How you interact with her.
What needs does she need you to do a better job of meeting: (eg, time, fun, affection (includes compliments), sex).
This is the REAL man-up: fulfilling the needs of the person you love.
