Starting on a different path

[Abbey]

Girlfriend... it's time you DO tell him to F*ck Off.

He's being a dick, he's the one who's being immature. I don't know if this is helpful, but I did some time chatting with my T about how to respond to "stupidity" and your H expecting you to jump when he says jump def qualifies as stupidity. You need to be able to deflect this crap in a way that builds your self esteem not shove it down and cause you to pull your hair out after it happens. Talk this stuff out with the T team you're with now. Make it clear you need to be able to deal with this effectively so it doesn't start those "tapes" for you later. And btw... ignoring it... or turning the other cheek DOESN'T cut it. You require ways and techniques to deflect and put a stop to his b/s.

He wants your big girl panties... then fine... SHOW him.

[sgctxok]

I hope you have a great thanksgiving, Mystik...not leaving til later...so I'll check in on you.

[sgctxok]

I just want to let you know, Mystik, when I came to this board, I didn't want to live. I did and I didn't know how. I had two daughters, I was divorced, I was in another relationship that fell apart, I was isolated, and I didn't know how I could do it.

I will tell you my posters were amazing. But it was Michele and DB that did it for me. I got strong. And I've used it throughout my life.

About 5-6 years post DB, my teenager had serious issues (anorexia, bipolar, borderline diagnoses). DB helped me through those as well. Then I had issues with my job. I sound like a cheerleader/saleswoman, but I have lived this. 10years almost.

Somewhere in that time I got colorectal cancer. DB helped me through that (I sound like a commercial.)


Honey, if I can come through this, you will come through stronger.

I know this team will help you. It might feel slow, but you are doing better than I did, because you got help more quickly, and I am so glad for you.

Be proud. Be strong. Live strong.

I used to moderate, so Virginia and dbmod can still find me, if I'm not around, click notify, they will tell me.

[Mystik]

So tonight... Tonight was so freaking hard. I had to drive to H's place to get DS.

H texted me around 6:15 that he had to give DS an inhaler treatment but DS was still complaining his chest hurt and was still wheezing, he needed to use his nebulizer. H never got one for his place. H said that now that he's down to a one-car family and Whore was out with the car he couldn't get DS to me. So I called my sister to see if she would get DS. At first she said yes, then called back that she didn't want to deal with H, she was too pi$$ed off at him and she couldn't do it. So that left me and my mom. So I did it. I went to H's. Had a panic attack doing it, but I did it. I was shaking so much my teeth were chattering and I felt hot and cold at the same time. We get there finally around quarter to eight and Whore's car was there. But I was too worked up to do anything about it.

Cried a lot tonight, feeling very drained. Only thing keeping me going is my faith that God will guide H back home to me.

[Mystik]

Oh, my mom said when he picked up DS that she thought H looked like he!l. I replied that a new baby will do that to you.

[Abbey]

Mystik, I'm proud of you. I don't think I would have been able to do something like that. YOU DID! You did what you needed to do to go get your son. Do you realize how HUGE that is? It was hard and draining but every road block this dick gives you... you *survive* it, you plow through it.

(BTW... it's ok to say I don't want to be strong... we've alllll been there) *smile*

You're growing and succeeding and I'm in awe!

Abs

[sgctxok]

Happy Thanksgiving!

[Mystik]

Abbey, I'm hoping that I do the same to the roadblock he has set up against reconciling. That I can just get right through it and back into his heart.

Thanks SG, same to you and yours.

[Abbey]

Mystik, as I've said before... you've still got work to do. Hon... I know it could sound "easy" for me to say because I've crossed that bridge... but trust me... I'm telling you this for VERY good reason.

Once the dust settles and once he grows his brain back... it's going to be YOU who's going to go through a bunch of emotions that you thought you could never feel. Once a honeymoon get back together period settles... it will be YOU that grows cold.

Eg... YOU have the potential to become the walk away spouse. I'm telling you this for a reason. DEAL with your stuff NOW... without it, it's not he who'll kill the marriage in the end, it will be you. You've got a kid who's been through enough... GET you straight so that if the chance for the H to come back arises,... the ducks will all be in a row. Work hard now because you'll have to draw on that strength later.

Read what I'm saying here ... as well as what I'm not saying. Ya know what I mean?

Abs.

[Piano]

Hi Mystik, I reckon it is a good idea to learn to say NO to thinks (or tell someone to F off) because we harm our innards when we dont' take care of ourselves and let our self-esteem slide.