Starting on a different path

[Mystik]

Those negative "tapes" sure are hard to turn off and/or ignore. But hopefully I'm going to learn some effective ways to turn them off.

[Mystik]

I love my H, I do, but my word he can be difficult!

DS has off from school tomorrow and Friday. So I texted H this morning letting him know DS would be at my mother's both days. He texted back saying if I was working tomorrow or Friday he'd get DS from me at work. I said Friday was fine, but not tomorrow. I was tied up all day, could get DS to the exchange place at 5. He said back that he is supposed to get DS earlier on non-school days so he'd be at the exchange place at 11. I said it was not possible, earliest I could get DS there was 5. So he said if he has to pick up DS from my mother's then I have to drive to where he lives to get DS. I said I would not do that, so he repeated exchange place at 11, who would I get to bring DS there. I said the only people I could ask are my brother or neice, both are 17 and that DS was looking forward to being at my mother's tomorrow. He repeated that if he gets DS from my mother's I need to pick up DS from where he lives. I didn't answer so he texted, and I quote: "Pick your poison, it's time to put your big girl panties on and actually accept the situation. if you're going to spring this last moment thing don't be surprised when it doesn't work."

I want to reply with a big F*ck you, but I know that won't be very helfpul. I want to tell him that the reason I can't get DS to the exchange place tomorrow is because I'm so messed up from him leaving me I need psychiatric treatment. I want to tell him to stop playing games and grow up, he can't force me to ever go to where he lives. I want to reply that it's not last moment, I gave him about 24 hours notice.

It's times like this I wish H would forget DS is his and then I wouldn't have to deal with this hurt and BS.

[Mystik]

Add to that I dreamt about H again last night. I dreamt he had his own place and we were "dating". We had made love three times by that point and were talking about moving me and DS in with him. So I had that on my mind all day today.

[newmama]

That was a very jerk thing for your H to do. he was simply punishing you because you wouldn't let him get S at 11!!!

So what did you end up doing?

[Mystik]

Talked to my sister. She said if H wants to play immature games and pitch a fit over a driving a couple extra miles, I should to. She said I should tell him since it's only about two miles from where I live to where my mom lives to tell him I'll drive two miles farther than the exchange point and he can meet me there.

I don't know quite what to do. I hate that H is being so difficult about this. What his sister said is true, emotionally and some parts mentally he never developed past the age of 5 when his whole world was changed and not for the better.

[Mystik]

Newmama, it's not that I won't let him get S at 11. It's that I won't deliver S to him at the exchange place at 11. I get that he's uncomfortable going to my mother's house, how could he not be? But my mom is polite to him, doesn't say or do anything to make him feel uncomfortable, it's his own guilt that does that.

[bluestar]

This is a "normal" time for him to have DS or is he just being demanding? What is the plan for Thanksgiving? While you're in therapy, try to stick to the plan as much as you can. You have enough things on your plate without your H adding to it right now.

I hope one of your goals in therapy is to work on not giving in to him every time he makes a demand. You are important too!

[Mystik]

Wednesday is a usual visitation day, and it does say in the current papers that if there is no school on his visitation day he can get DS at 11 in the morning. Which I'm fine with, if H wants DS at 11 then by all means, pick him up at 11. But the BS about how if he has to drive those two extra miles to my mother's then I have to drive the extra 20 minutes (don't know how many miles) to his place to get DS is what has me so frustrated. Last time I attempted to drive there I had a full-blown panic attack. And H saw me in the midst of it, he knows what trying to go there does to me. But he thinks I need to get over it and do what he wants me to do.

DS is with me for Thanksgiving this year, then back to H's on Friday for his weekend visitation.

[sgctxok]

Mystik,

Already you sound better. I know it's a long road, but I hear progress in your 'voice' already.

Wishing you joy,
sg

[Mystik]

Thanks SG. After having that really rough day two weeks ago and making the decision to seek out further treatment I've been feeling ok and it's stuck with me.