I plan on not contacting him at all. And no, I didn't offer contact if he does live up to his financial obligations.
I'm going to do my best and live happily without him but still pray to God to take over because I am too tired for H's control and games. I'm praying and hoping that the Holy Spirit touches my H's heart and he starts living up to the obligations that he owes to me and the children.
I'm not even going to the hearing on the 17th, my lawyer said he will go and for me just to be near the phone in case they need to ask me something.
If H wants me and the children back, he is going to have to be the one to change now. I've changed, although I don't think he has seen it due to the fact we haven't seen each other in months. And told him last year that I was sorry for my part in the separation. And that I forgive him for what he had done to me and the children. But that's all I could have done.
I'm now leaving it up to God, it is in his hands! He is the only one that can turn this around!
Well, had hearing and it was continued. H said he is not keeping me on his benefits so we go back on Dec. 16th. And today my lawyer called to let me know that H is mad because with him dropping me from his benefits he will have to pay more in child support and also my lawyer filed for spousal support because I get a waiver for not taking my benefits. I told H that I would pay half of the increase he had to pay but he refused so I had no choice but to take him to court.
So my lawyer told me that H's lawyer wrote him a letter stating that I can have the house (that we owe on for 20 more years) if I pay for the consolidation loan and he wants the D to go through. There is no way I told my lawyer that I'm doing that and he agreed and said it is just because H doesn't want to have to pay spousal support.
I know H has a big issue with anger depression and also has learning problems so he doesn't get everything (understand I should say), but he even told me when he filed for the no-fault that the only reason he did it was because he was really mad that day.
My lawyer told me not to worry because it will take at least 9 to 12 months for things to be final but he doesn't get how I feel. I know H is sick and I've been standing for this M for 2 years now and if this is also a MLC plus his anger depression I just want him to get help.
I love this man, I should say the man he was before he became a MLC'er. Well, I still love him just not the way he is now.
He was coming around in March then all of a sudden he got worse and worse. So I guess God doesn't want this marriage saved or maybe he doesn't think I deserve this marriage to be saved.
I'm very very confused today. H was just at the house for the first time on Sat. night and he asked if he could talk to me for a couple of min. and I told him that I didn't have time because I was getting ready to go out and he asked again so I said ok and stepped outside. H didn't even talk, it was like a switch went off in his head. H was drunk and just stood there telling me how much he hated me and other mean and nasty things. So I asked him to leave and he wouldn't so I went into the house and locked the doors and he left.
I turned things around the past couple of months and it just made everything worse. All I'm trying to do is protect me and the kids and H thinks that all I want is money when it is him that wants the money. He even said it the day he left. He wanted to have money to pay cash for everything, and go on vacations, and was sick of living paycheck to paycheck.
Well H went to the place where my sister works and said Hi to her and she went off about what H did to me on Sat. night. She was at the house when H showed up.
He asked her if she would please call me and ask if I would call him because he needs to talk to me. I waited a while and texted him and told him if I got a chance because I was busy I would call him. But the text came back. Here he has my number blocked. So I texted my sister and told her that there is no way for me to call or text him cause he has my number blocked. I have NO clue why he did that cause I haven't made any contact with him.
So he starts to call my phone over and over again. I finally answer it and he starts to tell me that he's not dropping me from his benefits and that he told my lawyer that in the hearing at the end of it I should say. I wasn't there, cause I don't have any time at work and my lawyer said I didn't need to be there which is also a 180 for me as far as not going to a hearing.
I was on conference with the hearing and I did not hear my H say anything like that and I'm sure my lawyer would have told me.
H also told me he was sorry for Sat. night and he was wrong. Wow, the first time he said he was sorry for anything in the past 2 years. And also told me that there is no one in his life and that he tells me that sometimes because he knows it will bother me. Then he says to me that he was going away for the holiday and I said that our D14 will be upset, then he comes off with well, no one will have to worry about me again soon.
I didn't ask what he meant by that because the last time he said it to me months ago, he just said never mind. I told him we need to get together before the next hearing and try to work things out because I don't want to take him for everything, I just need to survive for me and the kids. He told me, he will contact me before the 16th which is the next hearing date for support.
I told him that I needed to go because I was running late and he made a noise like he was mad about me getting off of the phone. And I also told him that he would have to let me know a few days before he wanted to get together so I don't make plans. Another noise.
A good friend of mine said to me, I wonder if he is reaching out for you to say you want to work things out, because you are no longer crying and GAL and acting as if the stuff he has been doing is not bothering you.
I said to her, I have NO clue and I doubt it. And that he is only worried about how much money he will have to pay because it seems like that is all he has been worried about. And he makes almost 3 times what I make. She in return said, exactly. Now he sees that the grass isn't greener on the other side. And that he said when he was leaving he wanted to have cash in his pockets and to be able to pay for vacations in cash and was sick of living pay check to pay check. And him moving out, didn't work out the way he thought it would, run from his financial responsibilities like they were going to disappear.
I told him that I needed to go because I was running late and he made a noise like he was mad about me getting off of the phone. And I also told him that he would have to let me know a few days before he wanted to get together so I don't make plans. Another noise.
I think you are doing this right ^^^^^^^^
My W gets the same way when I do this and it must make their imagination run. After all, you should be miserable right?? You are making him angry that you have more on your plate than thinking about him.
It seems like you (me too) have to balance it a little once in a while.
Your end game is not to punish but love from a distance.
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Then he says to me that he was going away for the holiday and I said that our D14 will be upset, then he comes off with well, no one will have to worry about me again soon.
My wife says stuff like this and will purposely ride without a helmet when riding motorcycle with her brother. Warped way of thinking. (Takes lots more risks and says at least you are still on my (her) life insurance).
Still seems like a lot of running away behavior to me.
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A good friend of mine said to me, I wonder if he is reaching out for you to say you want to work things out, because you are no longer crying and GAL and acting as if the stuff he has been doing is not bothering you.
I would be very careful of this ^^^^ too. It seems like you are.
Remember, you don't want them back if they are not done.
Can't imagine having to go through this again if they come back before they are done with the crisis.
Now he sees that the grass isn't greener on the other side. And that he said when he was leaving he wanted to have cash in his pockets and to be able to pay for vacations in cash and was sick of living pay check to pay check. And him moving out, didn't work out the way he thought it would, run from his financial responsibilities like they were going to disappear.
This is good insight GF. I've seen this happen almost every time in the D process. You sound a lot stronger and better. You really do.
I don't like that he showed up drunk at your house, but you did the right thing. Good job, keep posting!
Me: 30 W: 28 T 8, M 6 S: 7-27-2007 W filed (again) 3-2011 Served 8-2011 Responded, now dark "I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear" MLK
WS, It seems like I am what too? And no I don't want him back if he isn't finished. No way. I do love him and I'm standing for my M but I can't live with him the way he is, but I don't see how he is reaching out to me.
He had his lawyer write to my lawyer like I mentioned above stating I can have the house if I pay on a big loan we have.
Hi Jon,
How are you doing? I haven't heard from you in a while. I'm getting there Jon. Jon, you said that you've seen this happen almost every time in the D process. Do you also think that he sees it (the grass not greener)and is trying to get me to ask him about working on things?
I need advice really fast. H is proceeding with D after he found out at the hearing last week that he will have to pay spousal support and more child support if he drops me from his benefits.
I have to go to my lawyers tomorrow and either contest or agree.
I read on Standing for your Sweetheart that if you are standing to contest but then on another site it said not to contest and give the MLCer what they want.
