Moving Forward

[New Life]

Gutwrenching,

I am SO sorry! Sending you a cyber (((HuG)))! Hold your kids tight and draw strength from them...

This guy is a real snake, a realm predator to go after another man's wife when he knows you've been working on the marriage. Sounds to me your wife will realize (maybe too late ) that he's the type that "If he'll do cheat with her, he'll cheat on her"!

Pull away, let her know that by her actions she is making a choice. DETACH, think of yourself...

It's the male instinct to be jealous about OM, so it is normal... But you can control your thoughts, which guide your emotions.

This sounds way more involved than my EA.... But, she's made a choice and if she doesn't 't choose to look deeper into herself and the REALITY of the situation, versus FANTASY... Well, her loss.

You can only control yourself GW. Can YOU get away, minimize some contact with her, find some activities and exercise for you???

Take care of yourself ... I'm so sorry it's taken this turn. But, unless a WAW wants to give it a shot with a H who is WILLING to work at M, you can't make it happen alone. And obviously, she is willing to put M at risk by continuing EA... Not sure if you had to discover or she was transparent?

Sending strength and prayers your way....

[New Life]

Lotus,

Great perspective! Learning alot by reading GW thread and trying to maintain my own wpself -control, pride, and dignity. Yes, those are the 3 words I keep reminding myself of ... The "cost" of EA to me, although the benefits were many, primarily jolting me out of a death spiral depression. Great wake-up call... Which I am thankful for, but also thankful for ability to see it wasn't more than that.

Still trying to figure out how to fix M, so thanks Lotus for that insight...

Sorry GW, don't want to hijack your thread!

[gutwrenching]

Hijack away New life. Funny how the tablse have turned, you are the one trying to feed me strength now. I am also getting a ton of great advice from someone that I can't mention for risk of getting banned...but 3 whistles to another who is helping me.

New Life, you are paying me back now and I SO appreciate it. I am trying to be strong. I am pushing fear aside. My W deep down does know he will cheat on her...she once said to me during peicing that one woman will never be enough for him...he is too needy.


I read all on the addictive, the difference is W won't admit to herself its an addiction...she loves him and of course she loves me.

I need to make her feel the loss...I haven't done that yet...have too. Am formulating plans of action now.
Great - thanks -

[New Life]

GW...

What she feels for OM is NOT love...
She's in an altered mental state and isn't thinking clearly; trust me... Karma's a b!tch, and she's so messed up right now.

One day, after you've moved on, she'll be begging you to take her back.
But, sadly... It will be too late because you'll be OVER it!

How do I know? My college sweetheart cheated on, even after we were engaged. It killed me at first, but eventually I realized HE had the problem, rather than previously thinking I wasn't pretty enough, etc.
Well, he was pretty stunned when I refused to marry him -- still calls me to this day 30 years later... After a while you just get sick of the abuse, and you don't get hurt anymore.... You get ANGRY, then... Even better...

You just don't care! I know it 's more complicated with kids, etc. But you will get there.

Get out there and play the Glee version of the Cee Lo Green song "Forget You!"... I'll try to post a link to that from YouTube because music has been great therapy for me these past few weeks. Distraction helps with addictions!

[New Life]

GW... Find some reasons to smile, filling my IPOD has been very therapeutic !!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kFJtvtkcdPA&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Enjoy... I'll send you more "Forget You! "
Music if you need it! Make W wonder what YOU are smiling about ;))

Cee Lo's male version you can find on You Tube if you like.

[evolve35]

GW, I want to shake your wife... not too hard, just enough to bring her to her senses!!!

New Life- 'forget you' was perfect for my sitch too. THANK YOU! Enjoyed it very much.

[gutwrenching]

Thanks Evolve. I have said that so MANY times myself its not funny. She is caught in an endless logic loop at the moment. Think I'm going to have to do something to shock her out of it, whichever way it shocks her out of it...

[FindingMyVoice]

Hi GW, just wanted to send you my support and say I'm so sorry things have taken a downwards turn for you. It sounds like you're getting great advice so I'll just say I'm so sorry to hear you're struggling. I believe in your ability to rise above and heal from this. Take care, FMV.

[gutwrenching]

Thanks FMV. This is so hard even the second time around, but it is not as hard. We are moving sideways right now. I have to assume she is still in contact with OM. She doesn't seem capable of making a desicion. I need to put my plans on hold until I can consult a lawyer, which stinks, cause I am ready to move this situation one way or the other.

The holidays is a killer for me.

Last year was the most miserable holiday season of my life. I was so looking forward to erasing those painful memories...and now Thanksgiving will be tense again and Xmas...who knows...too far in the future

[sandi2]

What are the plans for Thanksgiving? Holidays do seem to make things more intense. When I was in the middle of my EA, it just made my fantasy larger.

Will you be getting any time off for Christmas?