Question about arguing

[gutwrenching]

Well, it felt good to "slap you in the face" because those are words I say badly have wanted to tell and still want to tell my W as she struggles with her addiction. Only difference is they have met, but they didn't start the EA until after that...and yes I believe that because my W was an open book about things and hopefully still is...

So I hope it helped and it actually felt good for me to be able to say it someone!

[FindingMyVoice]

Still here and thinking good thoughts for you Newlife (great new name btw). Glad to hear your IC appt helped you feel more empowered and gave you some new coping methods.

[BrokenInside]

I wish someone would say that to my wife...

[New Life]

Thanks GW for checking in on me... Rough last night. Very rough. The evenings are the worst and I can't seem to concentrate on TV, movies, etc. Even when my favorite things are on. Didy walk today, could not yesterday because my eyes were so sensitive from eye appointment. Heavily medicating myself at night to sleep, bad I know.

Tomorrow: Lasik. A bit frightened because it's not straightforward with some oft eye conditions... I was surprised how bad my left eye hurt from the epithial sponging.
But, I've needed to do this for some time now and last year just let the medical spending account funds go to waste much to my H's chagrin.

GW, I've been playing over and over in my mind what you said to me:
"He doesn't love you, he doesn't even know you."
check and mate. Having to drill that reality into my head over and over and over again to block out the fantasies and "love words" my brain wants to go back to (my lumbic brain).

Thanks guys... Trying to reach out to you right now instead if to OM, so forgive me for being so needy. 3 Full days is what I need of thought stopping, no cyberstalking his FB page, etc. It's tough, very tough even though he has backed off completely it generates a desire in me to chase after him.
Not uncommon in love addictions. At least I'm not driving across the country in a diaper like the wacked out astronaut lady. Geesh, I could see the headlines now, Ewwwwww... Talk about an effective thought-stopper!

Come on guys! You can come up with more equally unflattering images for me to plug in whenever the love fantasies start...

And GW, I'll take all the truth filled slaps you can send my way.
I NEED them!!!! This is critical time... Especially when I come home from the eye surgery tomorrow unable to read, watch TV, etc.

[12bar]

Hi FMV!

Long time no talk! I have been off the boards for a while now still working on myself and making a lot of progress. Things have been really busy with me working double time to bring my project in on time after spending the first 6 months of my sitch with no ability to focus on work. I caught up on your old thread (thank you for the really nice note BTW ;)) and it seems like you guys have made a lot of progress and I am so happy for you.

After all the work I did this year I figured I'd kicked them to the curb. But starting to think maybe it's something that will be with me forever, so something I have to manage rather than expect to completely defeat.

That may be the case and I would have to think it would be unreasonable to expect to completely rid yourself of tendencies you have developed over decades of experience. You probably know from my sitch that before my bomb, I had let my once strong sense of self-confidence and self-esteem slide over the years. The bomb sent me to rock bottom. I have spent the last 6 months since dropping the rope seriously working on getting my groove back and I am finally starting to re-discover who I was before I lost myself.

My point in rambling all this (yes, there actually is one!) is that I have learned that personal growth and healthy mental/physical habits are a continual process and not a destination. Growth is like a stock market chart, ups and downs day by day but improvement over the long term. I have two bad days for every good one but whereas I used to spend my energy dissecting the bad ones, I now look forward to the next good one and it really does help to think this way.

Try not think of it as managing it as much as you are going to keep bringing yourself back to the challenge of kicking it to the curb no matter what. You may never completely banish your tendencies but you can sure as heck make them inhabit some rarely visited, dark corner of yourself!

Keep updating us on your sitch, I think I am about to come out of posting retirement. Do you ever get over to the place where all the castaways went?

Take Care

12

[gutwrenching]

New life,
You sound better today...step back and look at how far you have come. It might not seem like a lot, but this is tough stuff and there are baby steps along the way and you have taken a few.

Now you are ready for some more.

You need to heal from the eye surgery...and need to heal from the addiction at the same time. Both will be painful. How about you heal both of them at once and just get over the hump all together. Look at your new vision (literal) as an opportunity for a new vision on life and your M. Deep down you know you want that new vision of your life, you have seen it, you have posted it here, so now make it a reality.

This is the perfect time to start a brand new chapter in your life. Strong and confident New Life, without needing to wear glasses or contacts and not needing to look at a computer screen and some young punk "player" that isn't really in love with you and you are not in love with him. Give yourself a hug and a pick me up. See if you can get H to pamper you a little during your recovery. Make him feel good when he does the smallest thing, make him feel like a strong and important man for being able to handle everything while you are recovering.

And if worse comes to worse, unplug the computer and take the battery out of the cell phone and envision the new you and new future as you want it and set goals to start getting there.

You can do this.
We are here to support you

[FindingMyVoice]

Hi FMV!
Long time no talk! I have been off the boards for a while now still working on myself and making a lot of progress.

12! You have no idea how great it was to see your post this morning. Couldn't have come at a better time, thank you for that. I'm so happy too, to see you continue to work on yourself and gain your old confidence and esteem - to find yourself again. That's great news.

The last few weeks have been rough ones for me indeed, so hearing about your progress sure lifts my spirits. I'm really glad that I did all the work on my M that I did this spring, because I sure need a soft place to land these days and the M work has helped create that for me. Since Oct, my IC and I have been starting to touch on the old issue - well, she said that traumatized me - when I was younger. It's been so painful and scary. Since I went home a few weekends ago, my sleep's been disturbed to the point that she told me to start taking melatonin, and if that doesn't work it sounds like it will be antidepressants. And each time I visit home the relationships in my family, and my role in it, bring it all that crap back to the surface again. But I can't not go home because my dad's so ill. Gosh, you're not rambling I am. This isn't even DB stuff so who even knows if it will get edited by the mods. Sorry. Another bad night of sleep and I turn into a blathering idiot. Anyways, sorry for the mind-dump. That's certainly not how I wanted to welcome you back but I just wanted to get this out of my head right now. I hope it helps me concentrate on work today; my head's been such a mess.

Anyways, putting my thinking head back on you're certainly right I like your comments. I've got to run, privacy is a question mark at the moment. Thanks for listening. FMV.

[gutwrenching]

((FMV))
Hoping you have a good day today

[FindingMyVoice]

GW thanks, I really appreciate it. I'm sorry I haven't been of much support or encouragement to anyone here lately. I just seem to have become a never-ending puddle of tears and upset a depressed sleep-deprived mess. I'm sleeping on the couch because although my H knows I've been having trouble sleeping, he doesn't know that I've been sitting there crying at night. The melatonin helped two nights ago, but last night I didn't take it when I woke up, so I ended up tossing and turning and crying by 5. I've got to make sure I take it tonight if I wake up. Anyways, sorry again. What a pity party.

[FindingMyVoice]

Please try the "Bright Mood" blend of Omega... My IC recommended to me, and has helped immensely...

Thank you NewLife, I appreciate your support. Is that those Omega 3s? I hadn't heard of that blend. What else is in it, do you know? I admire your tenacity to do your walking... I've lost my motivation to exercise, which I'm sure is also aggravating my low mood.