I don't think your wife knows what or how to respond to what you are saying. she probably has guilt for what is going on and admitting anything would mean she is/was wrong.
I understand what you are saying, but what can i do? This is something that she has to deal with, i do see her mother as an issue, but again thats for her to sort out Do i back off totally and let her deal with it , or try and talk to her, give her some assurances??
I backed right off, picked the kids up on friday, just waved and left Later she text about could she have a small table, i didn't respond i was busy with the kids, next morning she called early asking if i got the text and why didn't i answer, told her i only seen it this morning I told her she can take what she wants as i'm selling the house after xmas, i've been thinking about it, why do i need a 5 bedroom house!! She was shocked and asked why? I told her i hoped that we would get back together but now accept its over so why keep it?,she played it cool but i knew it had takenher back She called today to ask a question about the kids, it was not needed and brought the house up again, i said i was sad its over but i have to move on, she left, she then said that she didn't want to leave, but i wouldn't so she did as she needed space We talked more, i told her i knew she loved me, she agreed, but said it was too late now, she said it was sad to lose what we had but said it had gone too far
I told her i loved her and agreed it was sad, but we need to move on, she asked how i had been, with my meds and drinking, told her i felt great but missed her,we left on good terms, but she sounds very confused, i think its alot to do with pride moving out and her mother, not sure what to do now, she kept asking who i had told etc, isense she wants to work on us, but i don't know what to do? What we have is too special to walk away from, she knows it, but i need her to let me in??
You are at a great juncture....and you're doing a good job reading her. But now is the time to be warm and if she gives you an opening....take a gentle step in.
This is NOT the time to completely back off.
It is hard to save face after you've left someone. It's hard to come back...some of your friends support you, some don't. Make it easy enough. Let her save face.
There will be ups and downs, there will be advances and pullbacks and I agree, don't completely back off but be aware of not pressuring too much or trying to paint it all as rosy...you don't want to appear as implying she is nuts for giving it all up, she has to come to that conclusion herself by seeing you and the family in the proper light
M39 W41 Two children WAW bomb dropped 11/7/09 Piecing Aug 10 - Nov 10 No longer piecing...Nov 10 Separation Jan 11 EA ends again Feb 11 Piecing attempt #2, Mar 11
Thanks for your thoughts guys I just don't know how much to push or how far to pull back, but i feel there is real progress with us, we are talking and also telling each other how much we feel about each other, this is a big step But i don't want to mess things up, she seems scared, probably about me slipping back to my old ways, i cannot and won't let that happen again for me, not just for her
I think it is hard for her to come back after moving out, but that is something she has to deal with, and her mother has backed her decision, this i think is a major problem I cannot say anything about her family or friends without sounding bitter and angry, so how do i deal with that issue? Also do i maintain contact, telling her how i feel, or do i wait until she contacts me??
I feel we are starting to connect but i don't want to push her away by applying any pressure??
Its really hard, i love her so much, she loves me, so why can't we sort this out!!!!
Well the rollercoaster has well and truely started!!
Since my last post, we had an arguement over money, xmas, etc, things got heated and ended with me putting the phone down.
I was contacted by the Child Support Agency, who told me my wife had been in touch and I had to pay �300per month, to her for our children, when I told them the issues and her sctions they couldn't believe it, but they have a job to do, this was taking into account I have them 3 nights per week!!
I had already arranged for a bouquet of flowers to be sent to her for our anniversary, I know they were delivered but she has not mentioned them, so I haven't either!!
She is constantly sending me messages about the kids, which she knows the answer to?, I feel she is trying to control everything, where am I taking them to eat, what am I getting them for Xmas, how much you spending on them, when are you buying presents,etc!!!
Today she asked me when am I off over xmas or was I going away, the kids had told her, I explained that the kids had asked me not to go away, so I agreed with them, she then said that I shouldn't have told them, they had been upset about it, so what did she want me to do, just disappear over xmas from them???? I said she should talk to them, ask how they feel about things, they are upset about the whole situation not just xmas, they constantly tell me they miss me, maybe she should look at that situation first rather than blame me for upsetting them?
This was all by text, next thing she is on the phone telling me how I was wrong, I just said sorry can't speak, and put the phone down, I cannot be bothered talking to her, she kept phoning back and I kept doing the same, she soon got tired of it.
I sent her a text saying, she was making all the plans for people, without asking what other people think, she moved out, without speaking to the other 3 people involved, I said she now had to get on with things, and left it at that.
I have seen she has controlled me for far too long, and I have not noticed the effect it has had on me, I feel so much better for telling her how it is, rather than pussy foot about her!
On another note, I have met a wonderful lady!!
We met in a bar by chance, we got talking, she is attractive, very well educated, interesting, sexy, and has put life into me.
We chat on the phone daily and have met once, but she is amazing, up to now!!
I'm looking after me, if I get divorced so be it, but I won't be controlled no more, my children are the highlight of my life, and I'll be the best Dad I can for them, but to truely let go, which I feel I have now, feels great, I feel like a weight has been lifted from me, yes it's sad what has happened, but you know what?, life is good, you just don't know it until you let go and start enjoying things again!!!!
Also here is a thought I have had, STOP posting on here everyday, all you are doing is bringing up the past, yes call in now and then, but let it all go, easier said than done I know!!, but you need to, meet people, get out there,stop coming on here reading other peoples problems everyday, its all negative thoughts, not many success stories compared to the problems?
