In the process

[awest1217]

Second marriages have a higher D rate when both parties have not gotten help for their previous shortcomings. Also I think it is easier to D once you have done it once. I once again go back to my first thought, if it was as hard to get married as it is to D, then you would have less marriages fail because people would really look at themselves and make sure they were ready.

That is what we do on here. We get ourselves ready so that if there is a second marriage, it will last.

[Mrs. A]

NM, I'm a latecomer again, but something kind of struck me with helicopter guy and got me to musing...

Ok, you're very empathic (as my IC would say), so you felt bad after talking to helicopter guy for awhile and then not wanting to talk to him again. But people do that ALL THE TIME! Think of someone you might have lunch with at a professional conference - you/they seem to have so much to offer, but then you get back to your regular lives and you don't connect. You're just busy and it's no longer a high priority or whatever. No offense!

Weeeeeellll... casual meeting/dating seems sort of like the same kind of thing to me - in other words, it SHOULD be a "no offense" kind of forum. You chit-chat and then whatevs.

Dealing with the ex is a different story, obviously. But when it's a new person, I think expectations on both parts should be kept to a minimum.

Ok, just my two cents! I know helicopter guy is no longer in the picture! But thinking of future scenarios...?

On another note, I LOVE that the recipes are back!!!!! Nachos, YUM!

Sincerely,
Mrs. A

P.S. I may go out tomorrow night with another weird dude from Meetup and some of this post might be just psyching myself up to not feel like *I* have to be super-nice! Mini-hijack? Sorry!

[newmama]

Hi Mrs. A, thanks for the example about the conference! I can relate to that--like having a long connection with someone on an airpline flight, too!


Well am trying to figure out plans for this weekend. Next weekend there are several meetups. Not so much this weekend...I could visit a friend out of town, I could treat myself to a movie again...shop for Christmas presents...cook something...work out... decisions, decisions. Since Match automatically paid for a renewal (I forgot about that!) I do have another 6 months paid for now. So I can play around with my profile and maybe change it to reflect what I "do" on a regular basis, like the last 2 weeks or something. (like Flowmom did on hers) Need to change photos....exhausting!

Oh, my exSIL called to leave me a message just to say hi and she is thinking of me. It makes me nervous- does she know something I don't about exH? She said she would try calling me back later this weekend.

ExH told me he doesn't have any plans for T-Day so I am assuming that means he is not seeing his family (otherwise he would have brought S).

[gatsby11]

hmm, that's an interesting phone call. hope it's nothing; let us know.

lots of interesting thoughts on here.

[newmama]

That phone call was so last week! (LITERALLY) Nothing from him or any other men folk.

But I just updated my match profile. I just found the photo I finally uploaded to FB and cropped it a bit. The frustrating thing is that I worked on it for about an hour, sent it for approval, got the response that it was approved, went to check it out and my old profile is still there!

I emailed them to ask what was up and they give me an auto reply trying to use key words from my email to answer my question. They said if it didn't, then to contact them. SO YOU BET I DID! I just replied and said something like "thank you for answering my questions since I am paying over $100 every 6 months for your service." grrrr!!!!

[newmama]

I am not really in a bad mood- DAMN EDIT BUTTON!
haha, no seriously, I am just chillin.' Made some hummus for S (sans garlic) and some for me (with garlic). Used some leftover garlic bread to make a toaster oven pizza with pizza sauce in a squeeze bottle (really yummy!) turkey pepperoni, a string cheese stick shredded up, some red onion and topped with fresh tomato.
Total bachelorette cooking.

Am having a diet vodka tonic now. I looked up movies to go see but nothing looked good...


Also am trying to think of hobbies that I like that men like as well. I do like cards and am good at many card games, so why not learn to play poker? I have some knowledge of golf and have my own clubs but I totally need more lessons on basic stuff so am waiting for spring for the really good deal they offer.

And I want to be able to play some kind of sports game with S. (if he likes it)He might like plain old basketball but I can figure out how to dribble and shoot with him without lessons. (hey- if I mess up, it doesn't mess him up!) I don't think I would want to shoot hoops with "my man" though because I am not "fair" competition.

I wonder if he would like to play tennis. If he did, we could play together but I need to learn first. Sure, I realize he has about 6 years or so before he would learn, most likely. But I have read on men's profiles that they like tennis and it would be helpful to know how to play. There are free courts in the parks around here! Also, what a great way to keep in shape. I am scared to try to learn because I am scared that I will make a fool of myself and not be able to ever hit that ball or serve it. BUt it looks like fun!

[courageous wife]

Hi Nm

Just checking in on you! I hope they get that pic thing figured out for you! I love the recipes too!

Thanks for stopping by my thread and the words of encouragement!

You are doing fine little lady!

[flowmom]

I was thinking also- could this experience be the gift of having "hind sight" to bring to a new marriage at some point?

I think there are things that we'd all do differently. And I agree about second marriages -- some folks are just bad spouses and they're never going to learn. Others LEARN and evolve. Honestly I don't think that I'd feel such a sense of devastation about my M if my children weren't involved. At least the stakes will never be that high again for me since I'm not having more children. I guess you're potentially in a different situation newmama.

[flowmom]

But I just updated my match profile. I just found the photo I finally uploaded to FB and cropped it a bit.

Good for you! I've noticed that sometimes profiles really catch my eye when the profile photo changes. There was one guy who had a decent profile, but his photo didn't grab me. Then he changed his profile photo and I just found his face adorable! His personality showed through so much more in the new photo.

[newmama]

Honestly I don't think that I'd feel such a sense of devastation about my M if my children weren't involved.

I know I would feel LESS devestation for sure!

At least the stakes will never be that high again for me since I'm not having more children. I guess you're potentially in a different situation newmama.

No, contrary to popular belief from everyone (lol!) I do not want to give birth to any more children. If I meet a fella and we fall in love and he has kids I will grow fond of his kids in a stepmother way, but no more new kids for me. I do not want my son to be the half child.

Also I have a class every year of children so NO MORE KIDS for me!