In the process

[ImprovedRomeo]

NM, sounds like a great evening with the walk to the park and the dessert

Any plans for Thanksgiving? I so wanna go somewhere with DD on the long weekend not sure where lol

[flowmom]

Newmama, the nachos sound awesome . You're lucky that your S ate most of it. My children were and are sooooo picky. And the walk sounds even better. Hiking truly is one of the most inspiring things that I do.

[Mystik]

Sounds like a great day yesterday. Glad you enjoyed it.

[Piano]

Newmama, I love the facial expressions our little ones make when they are experiencing new foods. D goes all pucker-faced with apple, at the moment. Fruit is not her fave thing!

[gatsby11]

STBXH never uses the word divorce, never ended our "trial" separation, and never refers directly to the legalities of the legal separation.

Get me a pair of mouse ears to the club of "Big D Word Avoidance".

STBX hasn't said/written/sign languaged/smoke signalled/etc that word even now.

Must be a WAS thang....

--Fergie

There must be something that divides the "don't mention D" WASes from the "throw around D" ones. Hmm, interesting...

Mine also never mentions it. Maybe it shows he is an avoider?

[gatsby11]

Awest, S will take a bite of the meat, get a weird look on his face and either just open up his mouth and let it fall out or he will fish it out of his mouth!

I have 2 meetups on Saturday the 20th. One is a wine tasting thing with dancing to follow and the other is a dueling piano event (again). Oh, and another meetup during the day for the single moms that is taking place during a time S and I can go!
I won't be going to both of them but I will need to do something that day.

Tonight S and I went for a walk to the park, and it was getting dark fast so we had a short visit. The walk was awesome, though! Gorgeous fall leaves, crisp air with the smoky aroma from fire burning in a fireplace, and plenty of hills.

I made a dessert- champagne sabayan (substituted pinot grigio) over raspberries and I added some cocoa powder. I couldn't remember the actual recipe so I tried to make it the way I remembered and it was too sweet! I ate it anyway....hey, the raspberries added fiber! I didn't give it to S just in case the alcohol didn't burn off.

My house is clean, the laundry has been put away and I
now I am nodding off at 7:30 as I type this! S is off a bit on his schedule so he is still trying to fall asleep. Top Chef Desserts is on in the background.

Sounds super nice. I love Top Chef Desserts, too. Good for you!

[Piano]

Newmama, here's my new thread in Newcomers! I was in Infidelity, but it was quiet there since the exodus so I started a new one. I could be in MLC or I could be here.... To answer your Q on Babydoll's thread my status is LIMBO:who's gonna file first & will it take months or years!!

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2102420#Post2102420

Hope you can check in from time to time :-)

[newmama]

Piano, I posted on your new thread!
Thanks, all, for checking in on me during the dry spells (aka lack of drama!)

Well I just got back from visiting my childhood best friend. S and I drove down last night for her 4 year old son's b-day party today. She is one of those supermoms but seems stressed out more than happy. I mean I think she is generally happy but has so much on her plate!

Something that I have been thinking about a lot lately is just how hard marriage is and how there are plenty of "dull" times or just being caught up in life and not with one another. We get busy with kids, jobs, family, events and neglect to check in with one another....it is a fact. I feel less guilty every day for my shortcomings because I realize that there is only so much we can juggle at one time.

If I were still married, I think that I would have had some serious, sad, disturbing but important "arguments" and then would have reflected and changed my shortcomings. I mean it is hard to hear criticism but it is necessary in order to change, right? The problem is that exH didn't give me the opportunity because he didn't bring them up until AFTER he was involved with OW. Too late--it then turns to a justification for LEAVING rather than an opportunity to improve the marriage.

I have been thinking about the ease of being responsible only for oneself (plus a child) instead of worrying about pleasing and taking care of a spouse on top of it all. The guilt of taking time for oneself and neglecting the spouse...the pressure of fitting it all in (spouse and S and job and friends and self and spouse).

It is hard as hell to take care of a child by myself. But I do have some built in "breaks" due to the divorce/separation where exH takes S. I wouldn't have that while married...I have no clue how that would feel or look like with a husband in the picture.

Bizarre stuff. Don't get me wrong- I would still prefer to juggle it all and be married(there are soooo many benefits to being married) but it is weird to see some silver linings to not being married. I feel very vulnerable sharing that with you all!!!

[flowmom]

I have been thinking about the ease of being responsible only for oneself (plus a child) instead of worrying about pleasing and taking care of a spouse on top of it all. The guilt of taking time for oneself and neglecting the spouse...the pressure of fitting it all in (spouse and S and job and friends and self and spouse).

It is hard as hell to take care of a child by myself. But I do have some built in "breaks" due to the divorce/separation where exH takes S. I wouldn't have that while married...I have no clue how that would feel or look like with a husband in the picture.

Bizarre stuff. Don't get me wrong- I would still prefer to juggle it all and be married(there are soooo many benefits to being married) but it is weird to see some silver linings to not being married. I feel very vulnerable sharing that with you all!!!

I totally get you on all of this newmama. It's bizarre and ironic that now that our M is over, I am finally getting the serious help from H that I needed all along...enough help and freedom to go out at night, GAL, etc. My experience as a mother of a baby was so different than yours...partly due to parenting choices and partly due to not having any significant breaks. And dealing with a spouse's needs is not trivial. I was AMAZED at how much less laundry, cleaning, cooking, etc. work was required once H moved out. Not to mention the communication/negotiation/walking on eggshells. The silver linings are there and we should appreciate them. And also realize that in order for someone to step into the spouse role, it would have to be REALLY worth it, because it would involve some compromise.

[newmama]

And also realize that in order for someone to step into the spouse role, it would have to be REALLY worth it, because it would involve some compromise.

Absolutely--and MORE compromise having kids as well as dealing with an ex-H.

I was thinking also- could this experience be the gift of having "hind sight" to bring to a new marriage at some point?

Yet, second marriages have a higher divorce rate than first marriages....