Very true....the odds of me being the cause are very small. The chances of ever knowing "why" are even less? Some of me hopes she never finds out....maybe it is the rescuer in me, but I don't think it will go well if she finds the kids and I weren't the cause.
something inside my wife is broken and she is trying to use others to find happiness....when she really needs to find happiness inside herself
This is so true about my H as well...until they look within they will no be happy. I also feel that my H still loves me..."I think the world of you" he said the other day....yet he is running away....to someone else.
We struggle to understand...we try to analyze them, we look for any information to help us to figure them out...we may never find the answers...they are locked deep inside them...and they don't even have the key...
As much as it hurts....we have to LET THEM figure it out...it may take a year...2..3...some may never figure it out...we can't do anything FOR THEM, we can't FIGURE THEM OUT an FIX THINGS the only option we really have is to be the best person we could be and to live our lives as if they are lost forever...and to do that we have to be able to let them go and forgive...and that's the hard part.
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
Very true....the odds of me being the cause are very small. The chances of ever knowing "why" are even less?
You already know the issues as to why this is happening... or are you asking why this had to happen to herand you?
That one is a difficult one. I dunno? There are so many things that happen in life for no good reason. Murder, cancer....we can sit here all day and not move an inch on that one. IF that was what you're questioning?
When I really stepped back and took a look at this painful experience and all that I went through. I realized that in one way, shape or form, every issue or problem that I had/have inside was brought to light too. Everything that I needed to work on within stared me in the face at some point in time along this shitty journey. This seemed to be the catalyst. I can't really speak for anyone else, but there have been so many things that have happened along the way that forced me to deal with my issues. It's been pretty fascniating looking at it that way.
No, we don't know how it will go if she finally sees this. Could be good, could be bad. It's all about choice.
I can't imagine being in your situation and really having to detach again and your kids......they are going to need you, BIG TIME. I know you will persevere and rise above all this and one day you will look back and see that this time, this storm, this obstacle in the road is actually a building block.
This block, once you scale it, climb up on the top of it you will no longer look at it as a rough spot, or a hard time but rather a "step" on the staircase that you are climbing. This is one of the "Steps" that under normal circumstances might not be attempted because you looked at it and decided it was too big or too hard. Could be that you don't even see the step, you just start climbing, because you have to, day after day.
I can't believe I'm telling you this......I have read your story and your words so many times for understanding and inspiration.
Our spouses are similar in that they keep on "medicating" on different people. One "other person" was not enough, or as I suspect in my W's case.....she knows she is messed up, really knows it and refuses to deal with it.
I hate to say it but there are some cases out here where the best option, or should I say "what the MLCer needs"......
is divorce.
Our MLCer's are going to blame anyone and everyone they can for their problems that they create or should I say have. I really am starting to hate the term MLC, in my wife's case her problems have been there since she was about 13 or 14 years old, they just came to a crisis point at mid life. Sounds like your W's ex-GF realizes also that your W has some deep rooted issues and has to work them out.
Our W's and probably Eric's too, are going to have to be totally on their own, no strings, no attachments, no safety net. Divorce is the best thing for them to get "healthy" as an individual. Sad thing is they may have to re-marry someone else and screw up another relationship before they realize and in the worst case scenario, they may never realize and live the rest of their lives never really being happy.
Once they don't have anyone else to blame or point at they hopefully will look inward. Thing is, and you know this well.....
It all takes TIME.
Hope you have a great day with the kids.
Happy Little Friday!!!
Cheers
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
Lost,I know you will persevere and rise above all this and one day you will look back and see that this time, this storm, this obstacle in the road is actually a building block.
That's a great way to put it! A roadblock that brings you to a halt. Or a building block that moves you ahead. Your choice will make either one of these true.
Some of me hopes she never finds out....maybe it is the rescuer in me, but I don't think it will go well if she finds the kids and I weren't the cause.
Every relationship she has will be touched by this until she does figure it out.
The white knight can help the princess back to the castle, but only after SHE kills the dragon.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
I’m sooo sorry to hear that your sitch has taken another turn. My heart goes out to you.
Quote:
then I backslide a bunch. Happens.
Yes it does. I may be making excuses here BUT I like to call it “being human” as opposed to backsliding. But hey, you know how hard headed I am (no responses to this please). :
Quote:
Been a few tough days
Hugs dude!
Quote:
somewhere deep inside her she holds something against me.
All of us can only guess about what she is holding against you but I would agree with Lance that….
Quote:
Again I am guessing but more than likely it is something with her father. And you are represented to her as a father figure.
This ^^^ is probably what it is.
At the end of the day though, none of what is going on insider of her matters. What matters is how you respond, how you deal with it, and how you live your life.
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
