((Antlers)), so sorry for all the stuff you've endured. Things have to start looking up at some point! You are a strong man. I'm glad you will be able to teach your son to be strong also.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I recently did perhaps the most stupidest thing I've ever done, went out and bought a new bike because my old one died.
I don't know what I or anyone else can say to make you feel better but I can completely relate. I'm going through the same you're just further along and perhaps that's the silver lining...it's done and over with now.
What kind of new bike did you get. Probably made you feel good to do it. Hope you get lots of enjoyment out of it. Hope it doesn't put you in too much of a bind.
It's just something we gotta go through. It sucks, but it's not gonna kill us.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
((Antlers)), so sorry for all the stuff you've endured. Things have to start looking up at some point! You are a strong man. I'm glad you will be able to teach your son to be strong also.
Hi sandi, it's been a mutha. I hope to God they do start looking up. I appreciate you, and the time and help you've given me since I've been here. Thank you. I'm kinda numb right now, trying not to think too much about things that I have no control over. Doin' my best.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
Sorry to hear about how it all shook out. The good thing is that it's over with and you don't have to worry about the legalities and the D looming over your head anymore.
Things will look up. A new chapter in your life just started.
I know you have been through hell and back (multiple times). It's now over. I know the financial stuff will be present and the healing a long term effort but the legal part is over.
We have all watched you evolve and it was a true pleasure.
Just think - in less than two months a new year will be here. I am REALLY looking forward to starting a new year.
Sorry to hear about how it all shook out. The good thing is that it's over with and you don't have to worry about the legalities and the D looming over your head anymore.
Things will look up. A new chapter in your life just started.
I hope to God I don't have to worry about legalities anymore. I wouldn't be surprised at all if she took me back to Court every chance she got.
And I sure as heck hope that things start to look up. Thank you soleil.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
I know you have been through hell and back (multiple times). It's now over. I know the financial stuff will be present and the healing a long term effort but the legal part is over.
We have all watched you evolve and it was a true pleasure.
Just think - in less than two months a new year will be here. I am REALLY looking forward to starting a new year.
BE WELL!
Hi CityGirl.
Yep, I feel like I've been eaten by a coyote and crapped off a cliff (multiple times). You're right...the financial stuff will take years to get out from under and recuperate from. What a huge financial loss. Yeah, the healing is multi-faceted, and will take a long time. And I hope to God the legal part is over...although I don't doubt that she'll take me back to Court every chance she gets to cause me more damage.
I appreciate that. I'm definately a better man in a lot of ways.
I'm looking forward to something other than all of the negative emotions and pain that I've had to experience for about the last 2 years.
You 'be well' too! I've always appreciated hearing from you. Thanks.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
Antlers it's a Ninja 650R and it's a blast to ride. I almost laid it down going through a decreasing radius turn this weekend but she saved me- she's been good to me so far.
How long will you be paying the CS and spousal support? Yes, she may take you back to court or she may not. Unfortunately, this is something most of us will have to live with for a while. It feels like we're paying the price for ever getting married and having better jobs...how stupid but you know what? we built ourselves up to this point and we'll rebuild ourselves again. Besides money is not everything in life. Peace and contentment are worth more than gold- I try to remind myself of this too. Besides, what're the alternatives? stay bitter for the rest of your life? become a drunk bum and get fired from your job? nah! that's not the way to live. That just gives our spouses too much power. Live happy, that's the best revenge in life.
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
"People should not be financially rewarded for cheating, lying, destroying a family, and leaving the kids in a bad way...she was. And people should not be punished for being faithful and honest, and trying to save the family...I was."
Agreed, its grossly unjust considering the enormity of the pain and suffering and financial ruin. You're not asking that they be stoned or branded with an A on their forehead, but not rewarded at the expense of someone else - you, the county, the state, the nation, the world.
If there was a paid-for signature campaign today to remove this injustice and make the cheater/WAS go with nothing but the shirt on their backs I'm wondering if it'll go through? Let's try to do the math - ~50% are divorced, of those 50% are cheaters/WAS. Of the married ~50% are probably unhappy and contemplating divorce and would vote 'no'. Of the unmarried, ~50% don't believe in marriage so they won't bother to vote as they are already living together sex and all and of the other ~50% half are wondering if they should try out marriage as they can always D and get at least half of everything - in fact a good percentage get married and D more than once. Some of the LBS are quick to start over again as they were in debt anyway and the WAS was a jerk and they met this other person from match.com whose great in bed. And many of the presidents, vice presidents, senators, representatives, even judges are having A's on the side, so they'd like to ensure that they are all rewarded. So where does that leave people like you - perhaps among ~10% of the population at most. So democracy is not necessarily a just system, a moral system or even a rational system. It's like what happened to the Native Americans.
If I was the judge for these cases and made the laws for it things would be quite different but that would be dictatorship not democracy and I would be stoned to death by all the WAWs ;-).
Something I did after the divorce.. and continue to remind myself to do. Once the decree was official, there was nothing I could do about it. I had a choice. I could bitch and moan.. OR.. embrace that I got the best deal possible and move forward from that.
Nothing can change the past, but a good attitude helps the most.
