BBJ, it's just that dan's attitude toward your son's performance in sports activities really worries the sh!t out of me. What is he saying to the poor kid when you're not around?
That is emotional abuse, and kids can absorb a lot of it because they love their parents. Especially the parent that left. Weird, I know.
Parents who live vicariously through their kids like dan does, and who are rabidly critical as well, are very disturbing to me. dan is like that @sshole dad in "The Bad News Bears."
And I pray to God that one day, Nathan rebels and embarrasses his dad the way the kid did in that movie. Priceless.
dan is also teaching your children to doubt themselves and to lie, as with the Sydney "left-the-birthday-gift-in-the-car" bit.
No wonder so many teens go off the rails. There are so many issues that could have been avoided.
I agree with this 100%. The damage he can do with this type of emotional abuse can take years to get over. My father belittled me about how I played baseball, even invented his own little "girlie" name for me. It basically shattered any confidence I had in sports for a long time. At this point Dan could not pass parenting 101.
A parent emotionally abusing their child is horrible. It's awful. I once dated a guy who's dad was the king of emotional abuse and it just destroyed him. And the guy was really awful to his wife/mom, too. He would give her the silent treatment for months at a time for the slightest thing.. Awful.
BBJ, I am not concerned how you handled the basketball day (not sure what you could do about Dan being an a$$). Just pointing out another illustration of what he really is, for the next time you are tempted to break no contact. Keep the list at the ready - he provides you lots of material for it, unfortunately.
I know my friend and his EW don't combine practices if the kids are on your time .... it's your time. He sees them on his time. She sees the on her time.
Maybe time to draw that boundary so you are not subjected to that. I doubt Dan would say all that to a stranger. My EX feels the need to vent certain frustrations with me but I think he does not do this with other people. Stop it now. Tell him today and not while your in the situation that you don't want discussions like that with him. He needs to keep his thoughts to himself or tell them somewhere else. Your not his sounding board anymore..... plus is he Mr. perfect? Heck no! No one is. It's all about the fun of it that basketball.
What a ball sack!
M:47 M:18 D16, S19 1st S 1/08-5/08 Reconciled/May 7, 2008 Left again Nov 9, 2009 I Filed: Nov 17, 2009 Final: April 14, 2010 EX walked away from kids too
I got nothing. I was here because I thought someone wanted a kiss.
Wii, I see you and I have a similar taste in books. When I really need to improve my vocabulary skills or my mind needs a mental floss I lock myself up in the study room with a wine and a cigar and crack open Goodnight Moon or Green eggs and ham.
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
I got nothing. I was here because I thought someone wanted a kiss.
Wii, I see you and I have a similar taste in books. When I really need to improve my vocabulary skills or my mind needs a mental floss I lock myself up in the study room with a wine and a cigar and crack open Goodnight Moon or Green eggs and ham.
Well, I DO still want a kiss...
It just seems whenever I try to talk to Dan it goes nowhere. He is convinced that I have TOO laid-back of an approach, while I feel is he way too intense to the opposite degree.
I do think Nathan needs to practice more, and I will work on that. However I just don't know what to do if Nathan is not ever really good at any given sport. For some reason that is so important to Dan. If Nathan were really good at school (which he is, he is above grade level in every subjec), if he was strong in speech/drama like me, he would still not be good enough for Dan. I don't think I can prevent Dan's anger/scorn/whatever from seeping through. He has to hear it from someone other than me....
Why are sports so improtant to him? He should just be happy that he has two great kids that love him in spite of himself. I have to hand that at least to my ex, he just supports what the kids take an interest in.
Hang in there Bobbi Jo. Someday your kiss...um, prince will come.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
I don't think I can prevent Dan's anger/scorn/whatever from seeping through. He has to hear it from someone other than me....