I think we should repost Newmama's excellent summary of the Five Love Languages (must-read book for everyone, I think) Words of Affirmation Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.
Quality Time In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.
Receiving Gifts Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.
Acts of Service Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.
Physical Touch This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive
Brief recap - 34 year old guy, meets me for drinks, grand time, parking lot smooching. Then nothing for almost a week - then online chat in which he is very very flirtatious, and I remind him that if he wants to do anything about that he has to ask me out on a date - then nothing.
I sent him a very brief email last Friday - just a comment on the excellent surf conditions outside the office where I sub on Fridays.
No response until today:
"Hi Ellie,
Wanna run off somewhere...away from work? hehe. I got some surfing in this morning, but I've been beat. Speaking of beat...any gigs coming up for little miss drummer?"
No, I haven't responded - I'll let him wait a day or so. But how do you all read this (guys especially)?
A)Is this a very oblique way of saying I've been buried in work and that's why I haven't contacted you?
B)Or simply touching base to keep Plan B in his back pocket?
C)Or a guy who is in sloooooooowww motion when it comes to dating?
D)Or just a guy who is ambivalent about the age difference but can't resist contacting me?
E)Or just a polite response from a guy who really isn't interested?
I have my own impression, but I'd be interested to see a vote.
(Incidentally, I DO have a performance coming up Sunday afternoon. I suppose I will tell him about it when I respond. I'm not sure though that I WANT this young guy showing up around all my band buddies when I haven't even had a real date with him yet. I'd have some splainin' to do - I'd like to know if he's worth it first. On the other hand, I DO look pretty hot behind a drum set )
My first guess is B. Possibly with a little D/E thrown in.
Could be A, but that doesn't really excuse no contact at all. Jumping to flirtiness suggests to me that you are Plan B.
Being Plan B doesn't necessarily mean second choice, though it sounds that way. It could be that he is really trying to actively date multiple women at the same time. It can be tricky, if that's his plan.
F. A guy who is sneaking around on his significant other, trolling online websites, looking for sexy attractive women to get into bed, fitting in chat and last-minute dates when he can sneak away.
I understand the logistics of online dating can result in multiple dating partners at one time. But I confess, in that case, if a guy can't squeeze me in SOMEWHERE in two weeks time, I feel like I'm not very high on his priority list. Makes me feel more like I'm the fallback position in case someone else doesn't work out. Not For Me.
)