Please don't call her the Professor, as I am one! Or was before I stayed at home w/kid ... She'll always be Cat Lady in my mind. Hmmm... Maybe being SAHM is bad for marriage?!?
Professor Cat Lady is still around, but I've made it clear to her the sitch. The things is, we both connect in such a great way that it could just be bad timing, or whatever, who knows. She is cautious which is good. We're just having a good time together right now and seeing what happens.
It's a low pressure situation really on both our parts. Sure, she is 26, but I must say she really is much more wise beyond her years. She's a professor for god's sake. She's highly intelligent and is being careful.
----"Et tu, Brute?"---- me:28 W:24 S4 T:6 M:4 EA Exposed: 5/21/10 Bomb: 6/20/10 (Father's Day) NC w/ OM: 7/10/10 W moved out 8/21/10 http://bit.ly/aOrZne - My sitch
She choses to see me because I'm a good guy... and frankly I'm really attractive, confident, successful, interesting, emotional, etc. I'm a very good catch even with this baggage.
We are also able to share a tight emotional connection which is very rare, at least from her perspective. She's said many times this is very important to her.
She doesn't want the drama at all. She's said many times she has reservations because of it. She doesn't like it and won't stand for it at all. She also hasn't seen/heard/been a part of any of it really.
----"Et tu, Brute?"---- me:28 W:24 S4 T:6 M:4 EA Exposed: 5/21/10 Bomb: 6/20/10 (Father's Day) NC w/ OM: 7/10/10 W moved out 8/21/10 http://bit.ly/aOrZne - My sitch
I also want to add that my DB learnings translate into Professor Cat Lady as well. I think we had a conversation last night where she was talking about how she felt kind of distant and couldn't connect because of the sitch that I'm in. I told her that was good she felt that way, and I respected it. Not only did I respect it, but I wasn't going to say anything to try and make her feel different because nothing I could say would change how she felt because her feelings were REAL and VALID for her. I told her that she would just have to see how she feels given my actions, and that was all I could do.
Sound familiar?
She seemed floored really. She asked how and why I wouldn't change how she felt... I told her it was her place to feel how she felt and not for me to change that. She was going to feel how she felt and any presure from me to feel any different would not work. If her feelings changed, great, but if they didn't that was fine too. Either way, I'm fine and happy because I don't want any control of the situation and can only control myself and what I feel.
Sound familiar?
I think the words out of her mouth were, "Please, tell me your secret to letting go of that kind of control. That's amazing."
It's like mind-judo.
----"Et tu, Brute?"---- me:28 W:24 S4 T:6 M:4 EA Exposed: 5/21/10 Bomb: 6/20/10 (Father's Day) NC w/ OM: 7/10/10 W moved out 8/21/10 http://bit.ly/aOrZne - My sitch
John - if you are so vested in showing your W you are a good man then why are you having an emotional affair with another woman?
Having such intimate talks with somebody that is not your spouse is not okay IF you are trying to rebuild with your W. I bet you will know will be able to DB your W like a rock star since your emotional attention is with the OW. You are using the OW to provide you with what your W has chosen not to provide to you.
This woman seems to feed your ego which I think you really need but do you think your W would categorize this as being a "good man"?
I am very skeptical of OW. I don't know any women that consider an emotional man attractive. I can't speak for all women but dealing with an emotional man is nothing more than a big project that gets old quick. Everybody has emotions but I would not say being emotional is something most well grounded women are looking for.
For OW to take such emotional support from a married man with a kid, well, it's curious to say the least. Her age and job are moot points - her motivations are another. Needy people cling to other needy people and it seems she *needs* so much emotional attention for a reason.
Women who philander around with married men in ANY capacity tend to get all hot and bothered when the married dude chooses HER over his W. It's an ego boost to her and when her ego is boosted so does yours.
All I am saying is if you want to see if things can ever be rebuilt with your W I don't believe this is the way to be doing it.
