I personally NEEDED all of the 2x4s I received when I first got here I didn't want to HEAR them, mind you, at least not at first, but when I look back it was some of the best advice I'd ever been given. I just wished I would have listened sooner.
That describes me and my thoughts exactly. Although I never received the full force blast from the infamous RobX...it probably would have done me some good.
Everyone is on a journey and everyone's timeline is different on that journey...but this is the place to get the straight truth. It is anymous and a chance to vent and listen to different points of views. I actually found it very helpful when I received different points of views because it made me really think and made sure I wasn't falling into a trap of just doing exactly what one person thought...
M39 W41 Two children WAW bomb dropped 11/7/09 Piecing Aug 10 - Nov 10 No longer piecing...Nov 10 Separation Jan 11 EA ends again Feb 11 Piecing attempt #2, Mar 11
Quote: Do you feel that a few of the veterans on this site (myself included definitely) push advice down your throats?
Do you feel bullied by myself or other veterans?
Do you have issues with my style of advice or other veterans on this site? If you just want to focus on me if that makes answering this question easier so be it, no worries
I a word - NO.
IMO, most of the things those of us who are struggling with our sitches need to hear are things we don't want to hear. I know that was definitely true for me early on.
Now, I find myself struggling, a year later, with implementing the wise advice I have been given over and over again. It is all on me, now. I have never felt bullied or intimidated. Yeah, there were times that I thought, "This guy is an a$$, he or she doesn't understand my sitch, it's different." As we all realize at one point, our stich's do have individual characteristics, but at their core, they aren't all so different.
Some use a "tough love" approach, some use sarcasm, etc. It's all good. Most vets should give up when it's clear to see we aren't following their advice. They must feel as if they are beating a dead horse. But they don't. They keep trying to get us to understand. Those who do get offended need to get a thicker skin.
This is the most difficult thing that most of us have faced. It's no fun and it's not easy. We don't need to be told what we want to hear, that wouldn't help anyone. There is a place for support and I find myself leaning that way with my posts. The vets have a special role because they have been there and come through on the other side better people. Marriages saved or not, if the vets weren't here, we would all just be crying on each other's shoulders. As I said, there's a need for that, too.
But, to learn and grow and be successful DBr's, the vets cannot be replaced.
I would like to say thanks for sticking with me and hammering me over the head and trying to make me see why things work and why they don't. We all have different, what?, speeds at understanding and implementing advice given. Most of the vets recognize this and try to be patient. This board has been a lifesaver for me and I am still learning from everyone. We all need to take the advice as intended. Everyone is trying to help. Period.
Tough love baby!!! HAHA The cold truth is what helps people get the courage they need. Ya sometimes a blow to the stomach is what is needed to do the right thing! You know my answer rob, I have reached out to you on more than one occassion.
Those who do get offended need to get a thicker skin.
Amen
Thicker skin? Good lord ... agreed ... but in TIME! We're talking about the walking wounded here people.
That being said ... to answer Rob's question ...
Rob, you've never posted directly to me so no, not directly offended by any of your posts. And although I agree with the vast majority of what you say, I do find your style a little over the top. Perhaps it's on purpose, knowing that most newbies might react to the "shock and awe factor", perhaps it's just your personality ... whatever, to each his own. As long as we all check our egos at the door, welcome debate and stay respectful, I've got no problem. Coach, Greek and PDT have all posted to me and I've never been offended by anything they've posted, or their style of posting either. Direct is usually effective (eventually!). And we all know ... "do what works"
I would agree that a variety of styles, perspectives and opinions is what made this board so effective at supporting and advising the people who post here. I do conceed that we need to respect MWD and the DB philosophy and would argue that the majority of vets do, while drawing on their personal sitchs to augment what the books have to offer.
I would also like to point out that my only concern re some of the advice given is that sometimes it seems that there isn't enough focus on helping the noob get to a place where they are following the advice (setting them free, letting go, dropping the rope ... and setting boundaries) from a calm, non-emotional (NOT angry, resentful, vengeful) place. I know you all advocate it, but it seems to get lost in the noise ... with the focus so heavily leaning towards the tactics (the WHAT) sometimes it seems like the HOW (and better yet, how the noob can achieve the HOW) gets too little attention. JMHO.
Peace PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
Rob, I don't recall you posting on my original post but for me personally, the advice I got from the beginning was stuff I should have taken (Get a L STAT). In the end, it felt like the advice in my original post tapered off and that made me feel kind of sad. LOL. I wanted to hear more in the end of that first thread & felt like I didn't...
Cutterbug used to make me laugh so hard w/ his countdown in my original thread. Gnosis always had some great advice, too.
I think you give great advice, as well as the other vet posters...
