Well today is the day I see my L about a counter property settlement...after re-reading the one from H and his L, I can see that H put little thought into it...in fact, his L stated in the cover letter that since she hadn't heard from my L, she took the liberty of writing one up so that we can get it settled!
I hope that my L and I will come up with something that will take care of the kids and I but not totally rake H over the coals.
Wish me luck!
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
CW, I am wishing you luck. As for raking your H over the coals, I think you know that you are not trying to "take him for all he's worth" due to anger, resentment, betrayal, etc. You truly are trying to make sure you have financial security. SO please don't feel guilty!
I was thinking that because we were married, we had different money decisions/choices/options whatever you want to say. Like I wouldn't be living where I am if it weren't for H, and have accrued certain bills, etc. SOOO because of the decision to divorce, our H's have obligations that they wouldn't have if they stayed married. Sucks for them but it was their choice. We are left with the financial consequences of the marriage (whatever they may be) so it is only fair that they help out with that.
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
This is a very emotional process. Are you able to communicate productively with H? If you think you and H can negotiate terms of the agreement by meeting together, you can both save money on L's fees and it is an opportunity to supercharge your 180s (Jody always told me this). H/XH and I bonded during this process over our mutual disdain for our Ls.
I was thinking that because we were married, we had different money decisions/choices/options whatever you want to say. Like I wouldn't be living where I am if it weren't for H, and have accrued certain bills, etc. SOOO because of the decision to divorce, our H's have obligations that they wouldn't have if they stayed married. Sucks for them but it was their choice.
NM...as always, you are able to show me a different way to look at things! And, yes "I" know that I would not be doing this out of resentment, anger and betrayal but I know H is going to think that!
Sweet GAG!
Quote:
Are you able to communicate productively with H?
I haven't seen him since July when I dared to ask him if he was happy and we have only talked briefly on the phone a couple of times about business since then. He chose to file for a D and surprise me with the papers...when I asked him about talking to the kids he blew up and said "this is what YOU wanted"...I don't think he is wanting to face me...it is much easier for him to do this thru his L. Same now with the property settlement...he and his L "took the liberty" of having something drawn up! I only wish we could communicate!
So, the meeting with the L went well...only needed one kleenex and that was when we were discussing the parenting plan and holidays!
My L said that it was obvious that H's new L contacted him to get things moving. The agreement was poorly written. H's L said that her client didn't think there would be much dispute over property or custody issues!
There are several things that I do indeed have issues with including our rental property (he wants me to sign it over to him and I keep our marital home which we owe $20,000 more than it is worth right now). He doesn't want to give me half of his retirement which I am entitled to. He doesn't want to pay for health ins for me during the 6mo waiting period for the D to be final...but, this is the kicker...THIS is how I KNOW that either he didn't read this thing or he has truly lost it! The agreement states that the property that is in each of out possession right now belongs to us....so...I have a garage full of tools and collectibles that are his but according to that agreement...they are now MINE...a basement full of gun/reloading stuff/darkroom equipment etc that are now MINE and a couple of antiques from his parents that are now MINE...according to this agreement!
He is definitely not of sound mind or body! I will not take advantage of that but it just shows me where his head is at!!!
I will not take advantage of his "illness" !!!
I have to get some updated paperwork together for my L...we do not have a set time limit and she is willing to drag this out as long as I want......she wants to go for as much as possilbe...that is how this game is played...I would like to prolong it thru the holidays if I can....nothing has to be decided right now!
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
Sorry that communication is so difficult with H. I haven't seen you post much about him so I wasn't certain. How long can this take in your state? Would there be any benefit to having a separation agreement? That wasn't an option in my state but we don't have children. From what I've read, if there are children involved the process takes longer, parenting classes may be mandatory, etc.
Do you live in a small, medium, or big town? A friend of mine just received a very favorable decision from a judge. She lives in a small town and the judge took a personal interest in her story when one of the detectives investigating her XH's complaint found out from her interview all of the highjinks her XH was pulling. Just sayin' that it might be possible to get more personal attention if a judge realizes that the respondent is being treated unfairly.
I do need to take a parenting class and did get registered for that finally!
I live in a very small town...pop. less than 200...H lives in a different county now and since he filed in that county...I am not sure of anything! My Aunt works at that courthouse...maybe she will have some pull with the judge! lol
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
Fantastic! An inside man. Wish I could have that. Your Aunt really may be able to give you some inside scoop on the goings on. After all, anything filed in the court house is public domain unless otherwise sealed. She could give you a head's up when you need one.
My H is in outerspace right now also. Perhaps mine and yours could hook up for dinner.
CW - you are on the same time line with me and I see that you are going through the Separation Agreement at this time as well. My H didn't file yet and I'm the one who initiated the SA. It's hard isn't it to see your past life being ripped apart and reduced to a piece of paper.
But we will get through this as well ....things can only get better right?
(((hugs)))
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
Hey punkin! Maybe my Aunt knows someone that works at the courthouse in Arkansas!!!
Yes Mila...it seems we are at about the same point in this! But, your H at least shows some regret and emotion...mine has been pretty steadfast in all of this...I think I forgot what he looks like!
And, things WILL get better...we can only go up from here!
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
....things can only get better right?