Ok, when emailing a woman on match I intentionally find something else to write about other than their looks. Is that the right way to go or should I compliment their beauty somehow? What do you like?
I've had both types of compliments... ones that were "you look hot in the green dress"..(which to me is a turn off) to "(you look very pretty in that red sweater) see the difference. I wouldn't ocmpliment on any bathing suit pictures or anything like that. It's nice when you see them (us) if you like the way we look to say something about it. Like..."you look very nice, or you look great in that....." Not, "wow, your way hotter than your pictures". Of course, some people like that and sometimes it's a good time to tell a woman she's way hot but not on the first date!
These are a few things I think women like to hear compliments on: I have had two men say something about my nails looking nice....Now men, we do spend some time and money on these things for you to notice little details like that and say something... is very nice. Also, if you like the way we smell (perfume) it's nice for that to be acknowledge.... ok...I'm a words of affirmation girl but still .... it's nice when we go through the effort to get ready that it is noticed.
Now boys, give us some hints on what the men like!
M:47 M:18 D16, S19 1st S 1/08-5/08 Reconciled/May 7, 2008 Left again Nov 9, 2009 I Filed: Nov 17, 2009 Final: April 14, 2010 EX walked away from kids too
"I agree. I almost never go after a woman like that on the first meeting. Unless the woman has been very flirty!"
I guess some of this depends on what KIND of meeting we're talking about. If it was a meet and greet coffee date with someone I had very little contact with prior - then perhaps it would not be appropriate for a guy to hug me.
But if it is a two-hour date with loads of conversation and spark, with someone that I have had some long chats with prior to meeting - then I would think it odd if a guy didn't at least make a move to hug me. Granted, of course, that it has become perfectly obvious that we both like each other.
I hope that a hug after a nice time together isn't "going after a woman", even if it's the first time we've met. Not in every case, but I think that if you are paying attention you can figure out when it will be welcomed, and when it wouldn't be. And you can do it in a friendly, non threatening way, as well. The good old side-hug, for example. If she wants more than that, it's easy for her to show that, if she wants less, she can gracefully slide away, if it's just right, she can return it.
I think I mentioned the woman I've seen twice with no hugs at all. It's one of the few cases where I think there could be some chemistry, but she's protecting herself, perhaps. Which may mean that I will need to make sure that she can tell that it will be returned. Hmmmm, things to think about!
It was a meet and greet "happy hour" time. Not much communication before...I prefer to do that in person not in emails or phone before I meet.
So, since it wasn't officially a date maybe that's why. I wouldn't have wanted to kiss him .... he's still a little unknown at that point. Indications that he was feeling a spark....leaning a little across the table to talk, laughing a lot, no crossed arms, relaxed. He did call last night and we chatted for about 30 minutes and then he sent a few text so I figure that about appropriate.
Physical attraction is easy but there has to be other attractions there as well. So, I am focusing more on that and it seems like he is too. I am attracted enough to him that i know if he did kiss me, i would kiss back (after another date or two) but i am glad to wait to see if he is the right person to kiss. I don't want to confuse sexual attraction with emotional attraction and I think it is an area i need to work in. It's hard though because it's an area that I like very much....
M:47 M:18 D16, S19 1st S 1/08-5/08 Reconciled/May 7, 2008 Left again Nov 9, 2009 I Filed: Nov 17, 2009 Final: April 14, 2010 EX walked away from kids too
sandycay... What do the guys like? Well, this one likes a smile. Some eye contact now and then. Answers longer than one word. Laughing. Talking about things she saw in my profile, and talking about things I saw in her's.
And most importantly, not being told I eat too slowly! Ok, not really, but that actually happened. I think I interrupted her lunch with conversation!
Well unless it is obvious that the first date or "meet and greet" is going absolutely no where, I tend to offer a hug at the end of the evening. No kissing unless she initiates that. The hug is not an erotic death clinch either, more along the lines of what I would give a family member. I also would never simply just sit at the table when the woman arrived either, find that to be a bit rude.
A guy who doesn't hug, shake my hand, OR try to kiss me? I'm thinking either he's not interested in me, OR he suffers from an undesirable lack of testosterone!!!
kml, LOL! I have read a lot of dating advice to men to to not initiate any physical contact on the first date because so many men are clueless and don't read the cues of whether that would be welcome or not. My advice to men: don't be clueless! Be totally tuned into your date and figure out where she's at...AND be a confident man who is tuned into himself as well.
Guitarist surprised me with his physical contact on our first date (my first date since separation). It was our first meeting, just a walk on the beach. We had only spoken very briefly on the phone after a botched meetup where we were waiting for one another in different spot. Anyway, when we actually met up, he greeted me with a hug...possibly the most intimate, expressive hug that a man has ever given me. I was shocked by the intimacy of it, yet I loved it, hugged him back, and admired his confidence. There was no pushiness about it though. I asked him about how he knew the hug would be welcome, and he said that it was all about how I hugged him back and where I put my arms, etc. He said it could have just as easily been a distant hug with little contact. So he got full points for reading my cues and managing to be manly in a respectful way. The hug set the tone for the whole rest of the date. It wasn't a guarded checking-you-out "meeting" as I was expecting (as I guess most "coffee dates" are?). It was a date, a relaxed, warm conversation and sharing of a spectacular setting and day.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
Ok, when emailing a woman on match I intentionally find something else to write about other than their looks. Is that the right way to go or should I compliment their beauty somehow? What do you like?
I guess on a dating site I am considered attractive so I would get a lot of guys initiating conversations with "you're cute" "you're gorgeous" etc. So it was refreshing when guys just sounded friendly at first, and talked about being interested in conversation with me based on our common interests. Actually the "dateable" guys didn't comment on my appearance at all at first, as if it was a given (which it is since most men are only going to approach women they find visually appealing). When looking for a "dateable" guy, I was looking for someone who I wanted to have a conversation with because I was thinking about what it would be like to be on a blind date with them. Them finding me attractive wouldn't be enough to make a date with them comfortable and pleasant.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
I don't think I have ever been at the table when the woman arrived. I've always waited at the entrance. If it's busy I will tell the greeter that there will be two, but I don't think I would go in.
On a subsequent date I might go in, but not on the first.
