In the process

[newmama]

Thanks- I took the advice to email instead of text and here is what I just sent:

Helicopter Pilot,
I needed some time to think and reflect and unfortunately, I feel I am in a different place in my life than you.
I don't wish to pursue anything further. You sound like a devoted dad and your son is lucky to have you in his life.
Take care,
Newmama


So I am going to come up with something to tell these guys if I am not "feeling" it. If I am talking on the phone and discover something I don't like, then I will find a way to end the conversation "Oh--my son is upset. I have to go!" Then I will follow up with an email saying something like I don't think we would be compatible.

If the guy asks me to meet I will do something similar or if I have the nerve, tell him right then and there that I don't think we would be compatible.

Like I said, this is 1000% harder than 7 years ago!

[v1olin]

Those are a lot of red flags hotmama! Just think of how many other red flags would pop up if you REALLY got to know him! Run for the hills!

I think the advice that you gave me a couple weeks back would work for you too.

"After our phone conversation last night I don't feel a connection or chemistry between us. Good luck in the dating world, ta ta!"

Watcha think?

[newmama]

Hey, Violin! That would have worked as well.

Here is what he said in response to my email:
"I respect how u feel and that u tell me, i am however wondering what place u talk about. We both r looking for companionship and i do know that it takes time to get to know a possible partner. I felt that we had a great start to opening the communciation between us. I wonder if it was something i said to u that made u feel different. I by all means dont want to be pushy in starting something but wish the oppurtunity to get to know more about u. Would u be willing to keep my number and contact me at some point or just wish to end all communications? I will respect what u choose. What ever u choose i do wish u well. Thank you for ur kindness"

Of course I won't reply.

It's funny because I go through these spurts of wanting to date and then I go back to wanting no pressure and just having time. My grandma suggested I just half heartedly look and every now and then go out with someone, kind of like I have been doing.

I keep wondering if I will meet someone in mydivorced parents group!

[flowmom]

Newmama, good that you're not responding. You don't owe anyone an explanation. I find it really annoying that some men demand: WHY???? like spoiled preschoolers. We always have to keep in mind that in some ways we have less info about these people than if we saw them from across a coffee shop.

[Mystik]

I agree with Flowmom, you already said you're not interested, no need to respond to him trying to pressure you into a relationship.

[v1olin]

The guy sounds like a big baby now. And what is with all the "u" and "ur's" ?? That shows a serious lack of effort on his part!

[desert_rat]

No one likes to get the "I'm not interested" email, but there's a way to deal with it, and that's not it! Something more along the lines of "I understand", and "I enjoyed the time we spent together". And no talking about the future. It's not ruled out by not mentioning it.

[newmama]

yep, just another reason to confirm that it wasn't a good idea to go out with this guy!

I agree that it is a pet peeve to get the U R gr8 abbreviations but I do put up with it on text messages. There is no reason for it in an email, though!

This weekend...cleaning (woo hoo) and changing the bills to my name. I need to work out and actually want to! But I alsoreally need to go clothes shopping! But also need to work out. Not enough hours--there is no way I can clean or clothes shop or work out with S around.

[bright_new_day]

The guy sounds like a big baby now. And what is with all the "u" and "ur's" ?? That shows a serious lack of effort on his part!

I'm with you on that one! He couldn't take the time or maturity to write in full words, and whined and demanded like a child. Definitely some areas lacking in that man!!!

[awest1217]

Have fun this weekend. I am doing a lot of the same this weekend.