He was off work, I didnt know it. He stopped by my work for something I was going to print for him. When he left I asked if he would call the CS office to have CS reinstated...he of course wanted ME to do it...ok, so I did. He also said that he wanted to talk about it first. I was like, Talk about WHAT? You are going to pay the same if not more than before!! Ugh...
Now I gotta go have it reinstated and start all over with a new application and then file a motion for an increase!
This crap sucks!!! He should have to do this ALL ON HIS OWN!!!
Ugh~
Ok, I think Im done venting for now.....
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
OK...Im having a moment....funny how sometimes It can just hit you. Guess Ihave been holding it in and now just need a minute to cry and get it out and continue on my day.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
OK...Im having a moment....funny how sometimes It can just hit you. Guess Ihave been holding it in and now just need a minute to cry and get it out and continue on my day.
((((kissak))))
Take your time hon, then shake it off and get back up ....
PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
Ok...so yesterday was a little tougher. Had to go sit at the child support office with my H. We met outside and talked over the amount of child support. H and I were both expecting it to go up since he makes more now. Also he has 2 part time jobs were he brings in right much money that the state doesnt consider in the income for his CS. So he agreed to give me $300 more a month. He said he would help me out however he could and would hope that i would do the same for him if we could.
We went into the office and talked with the CS agent. He kinda laughed at how well we were getting along with each other and made the statement "I dont understand why you 2 are in here needing this arrangement as good as you get along". Well,we neither one said anything. So he asks about the amount that H and i have agreed to, then he does the worksheet on it figuring out how much is required...turns out that H wouldnt really be required to give me any more than the last time...but they both looked at me and I said "I think what we agreed to is good"...H had a look that was hoping i would change my mind...but gotta look out after me and the kids. I tried not to laugh about it. Well then after all the paper work was done the CS agent then commented this ...." I have a feeling that i will see you 2 in here again, that this (meaning our marriage) wasnt over." H and I just looked at each other and I said "I dont think so". H said nothing.
See, we get along great. We are civil and friendly to one another, even in the CS office. It was funny to me though that the cs agent said that. Of course things can change alot in a year and I should never say never. I really wanted to tell the CS agent why we werent together this time...but something are better left unsaid.
H and I did discuss a few things that he still wanted from the house. I did make a comment to something he said about why we were there and all. I just said that I threw him out with good reason but that we werent going there today.
When we left I just walked to my truck and he said "what, no thank you or good bye?" As bad as i didnt want to, I walked over, gave him a halfhearted hug and said thank you and goodbye. I didnt want to feel ungrateful because he did pay more that he should, but gosh, I dont owe him anything after all this mess! But I bit my tongue and did the right thing.
So, thats one thing that is done and taking care of.
Now just waiting on the year separation for the divorce. I dont think we are going to waste money on separation papers. We havnt had them before so I think we are good with that. He did mention that he will keep me on his insurance till the end of next year which is good.
He still contacts me and calls or texts me everyday. He just cant let go. He calls me and is nicer to me than ever before when he actually lived here. Why couldnt he be nice and caring then?
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
Painful stuff you are going through AGAIN. Please remember to take care of yourself.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
See, we get along great. We are civil and friendly to one another,
So just be grateful that you can get along right now. Take it for what it is. A good civil relationship between two people that have kids.
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but something are better left unsaid
Very good way of thinking. How often do we say actions speak louder than words. Add to that, that right now a lot of emotions are in the mix. You never want to react when you are angry or hurt. Kudos to you for sticking to this approach.
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As bad as i didnt want to, I walked over, gave him a halfhearted hug and said thank you and goodbye.
This ^^^^ is some of that anger that you still have. It is normal. I will say I think you could have just said thank you and goodbye – JMO.
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He just cant let go.
Is this ^^^ your problem? No. You worry about Kissak right now.
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Why couldnt he be nice and caring then?
Ah…..this quote tells me that underneath all the anger and hurt is still some real love. I think that is a good thing. Remember, he may have wanted to be nice and caring but he just can’t. Not NOW and maybe NOT ever. For now, stop worrying and focusing on him and stay the course and focus on you. You Kissak have some serious healing to do. You healing should be YOUR first priority.
Chin up girl!
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
I do have some healing to do for sure. Yes I do still love him. Yes I am very angry at him. Im angry because of the lies and deceit, the manipulation and everything else. I want him to leave me alone, yet I dont want him to. Sometimes I find myself thinking about times he lied to me...and it makes me sooo mad! That happened this morning, but I decided that I would just go turn on some music to drown out all the thoughts at that time.
I feel at peace with my decision, but it still hurts alot. Im scared to take time to just break down, afraid I may get stuck there. Im really just ready to move on/forward. Trying to make some more new friends and just doing what I love.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
Healing takes time…..sometime a long time…..IMO, it just happens and FTR, I also believe that the scares will remain forever. That is not to say that you will not learn how to deal…just that it really does take time.
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Yes I do still love him
Come to grips that you probably always WILL. Sometimes in our anger we want to “bury” it or try to kill it. IMO, that does not work. What does is when you accept that you will always love him and accept that YOUR M and YOU are not failures. Remember…absence does make the heart grow fonder BUT first….
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Yes I am very angry at him.
…YOU will have to deal with this ^^^^
The reality is that YOU can choose to really try and let it go BUT only have to deal with it to some extent. Just remember, your not ALWAYS going to be angry. Ya can’t. Our bodies are really not built that way.
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I want him to leave me alone
Can you remind me WHO DETACHMENT IS FOR. You want him to leave you alone because you realize that you hurt, your realize that you still have anger to deal with. DETACH and HEAL and the anger and emotions will settle down.
When you heal and release the anger you will find yourself in a much better a place a place where you can begin to explore why you feel……
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yet I dont want him to.
Like this ^^^^
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Im scared to take time to just break down, afraid I may get stuck there.
Not sure if you have ever read my post to others….but you need to face the fear. You will get “stuck” if you do not face them AND cry/breakdown. Remember the pain, hurt and anger MUST have a way to get out. If you do not, well then it will come out in other ways….like a verbal confrontation with your H, your kids….do not be afraid to let it out. Personally, I would advice that you write it down. You can post it here if you want or just write it down for YOU. Get it out Kissak and DO NOT BE AFRAID.
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Im really just ready to move on/forward.
Why not change the way you look at this…say…
“I’m really just ready to HEAL, to GROW and to Let GO of the anger”…
That is moving forward…moving forward to a better place. A better place for YOU, for HIM and for YOUR kids.
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Trying to make some more new friends and just doing what I love.
Good idea. My only comment would be watch out for the “friends with benefits”. Your esteem, ego and overall emotional well being have taken a huge hit and the tendency (although usually not planned per se) is to find the comfort with a “special” friend. Think of it this way….do you honestly believe that YOU are ready to give YOU and I mean all of YOU to someone else right now? Even if you feel you may or may not be ready, consider this….would it be fair to the friend of yourself to not give all of you.
I pray for your healing Kissak.
Your stronger than you think.
Right now, it is okay to be a little weak and tired. Cry and let it out….
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Trying to make some more new friends and just doing what I love.
Good idea. My only comment would be watch out for the “friends with benefits”. Your esteem, ego and overall emotional well being have taken a huge hit and the tendency (although usually not planned per se) is to find the comfort with a “special” friend. Think of it this way….do you honestly believe that YOU are ready to give YOU and I mean all of YOU to someone else right now? Even if you feel you may or may not be ready, consider this….would it be fair to the friend of yourself to not give all of you.
Honestly I meant new women friends If I want a friend with benefits I have my Husband because I know without a doubt he would be that kind of "friend" to me. Been there and done that over the last 4 years. I have promised myself that I will not fall into that trap with him again!!
Thank you Eric. I am taking in all that you say.
He is getting the kids this evening for a while. He actually offered to spend some time with them which I am glad for. He texted and asked me, I replyed "yes, thats fine". Then he asks if IM ok...I just replyed yes, because I was fine. Dont know why he asked. Anyway, he is picking them up here where I work and taking them out for dinner. So, I will have some time to myself this evening.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
Your welcome. I'm just trying to pass along the lesson that I learned (most of the time the hard way).
Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
If I want a friend with benefits I have my Husband because I know without a doubt he would be that kind of "friend" to me. Been there and done that over the last 4 years. I have promised myself that I will not fall into that trap with him again!!