online dating tips, do-over

[v1olin]

....what if they have cooties?

Yes, it sucks that this is what the world has come to- having to meet people online because humans are so closed off to each other in the real world. I would much rather meet someone in person than online but for now I will practice online!

[kml]

"Date them all.. especially the one you find most attractive. After all folks always want what they feel they can't have. "

Oh GYpsy - I don't think I can do that! Because the one I find MOST attractive, witty, intelligent and funny - is - um - 27 years old! To my 54! That's only 2 years older than my son. I just CAN'T go there.

However, he makes the 34 year old look positively adult by comparison, so I WILL go out with him again.

[soleil]

No way in he!! that I would send her anything on a dating site! I was thinking of asking her for one of her friends numbers! Now THAT would be wild!

Wild AND crazy and NOT advisable! LOL

I agree with this approach as well. In fact, some dating advice blogs that I read seem to consider this an unspoken understanding: people who are dating should be assumed to be dating multiple people unless there has been a conversation about exclusivity.

My advice is don't waste time on long distance relationships. Yes they can work out, but they can also consume a huge amount of energy and focus, which will bring more rewards if used in real life.

ITA w/ both points. Long-distance has never been my bag.

Date them all.. especially the one you find most attractive.

This!

Kml, the 27 yr old--- grab coffee w/ him. You never know. It could be fun.

[Survival_Goddess]

Hello DB friends,

I have been following this thread with interest. For the record, I have been separated for about 9 years, divorced for four. I did do some online dating just after the D. E-harmony, Match, Chemistry and OK Cupid. Each site has it's pros and cons, and each site produced it's own personal disaster for me! Funny stories now, and truly educational. More on those later.

I did briefly date one guy on and off for about half a year. Turns out he was NOT ready for a LTR and he gave me the boot.

Are you looking for a LTR? Are you wounded from your D? I sure am/was. Feeling really great about myself now. And I think that is one key to attracting a positive mate.

The whole dating more than one person at a time thing is awkward for me as well, but it seems to be universally recommended. The purpose of this is to:

• Learn about yourself
• Learn about others
• Try new things
• Have fun!

By dating multiple people you have a chance to see how you react. Going outside of your comfort zone will allow you to stretch yourself in new ways. You don't know what you don't know. So, for example, if you previously dated only intellectual, bookish types, you might find that a contractor who really gets you and enjoys the same kind of activities might be more your style.
Dating should be casual in the beginning. I know we all miss the intimacy that comes with a committed partner. (I sure do!) but holding off on that will help keep your head clear to evaluate your dates on how they stack up. You want someone whose core values match yours. You want someone committed and responsible and loving. And if you get those endorphins flowing too early in the process you WON'T have a clear head.
Now this is the advice I have read in about a thousand relationship books.

I haven't dipped my toes back into the dating pool yet. It takes a LOT of time! I am busy GAL-ing and getting my ducks in a row. I am finding that as I get happier and clearer I am getting more and more compliments and second looks from all TYPES of guys.
When the time comes for me to start again, I will be in a much better place to enjoy the process, and I will attract a GREAT man for the next phase of my life.

Remember, a date is just a date. This is hard for a lot of us to wrap our heads around. I think it is perfectly fine to have dinner with someone, and take some time to get to know them. If the sparks aren't flying, then it is also perfectly all right to say, "Thanks for dinner, I had a great time, but I just wasn't feeling it..." (Or something along those lines...)

Keeping that part friendly could possibly result in that person referring you to a friend of theirs. You could reciprocate. Then you are also going outside of the online world and doing the F-to-F thing as well.

[ImprovedRomeo]

kml, I'll go against the grain here and say if you think it's weird to date younger guys then don't because it probably is.

My personal opinion is that people trying to date 10+ year older people are needy for mommy/daddy like figures, sugar mammas/dadys or more than likely in the case of younger guys they think it's easier to have flings this way without having a lot of emotional attachment. Of course there are exceptions too but more than likely it'll probably end up hurting you unless you can just do it for fun.

Just curious, why not date someone in the 5-10yr plus/minus range? I'm sure they're out there and many take care of themselves too. I know a couple of people I work with, they're more ripped than me in their late 40s- and they're in SD too

[kml]

SG - Hi girlfriend! We need to get together sometime soon! All three of my kids are in school in the bay area now, so I'm sure I'll be heading your way again sometime.

Romeo - it would be my PREFERENCE to date guys within 10 years of my own age. And in fact the East Coast admirer is exactly my age. But I'm finding that so many of the other guys my age are either Santa Clauses OR the ones that aren't, are looking for 30 year old Asian chicks! The response rate when I have contacted nice-looking guys my own age has been dismal.

As for your ideas about what motivates younger guys to date an older woman, I've certainly considered all those aspects - and encountered a few of them, I think, in guys who have contacted me. I have to say, the 34 year old, I think he's just a brilliant guy who enjoys the company of smart women who can keep up - and is perhaps not quite ready to marry and settle down, so a woman who isn't expecting that from him might be attractive. I'm pretty clear in my own mind that if I get involved with him, it's clearly just a short-term relationship. That's not sounding too bad to me right now!

[flowmom]

Gypsy, some of them probably do have cooties .

I guess what helped me was that I have interacted with people online in the past, then met them IRL -- mostly mothers in my city. I've found that my gut feelings about people online tend to be confirmed when I meet them IRL if there is enough communication.

Most guys who I saw online either turned me off or bored me, so I understand the cringing. With the guy who I'm seeing now, there was something about his face and words that immediately clicked with me, and that was reinforced by our communication. There have been few profiles that I've responded to that way, but I wouldn't bother dating someone unless I felt genuinely enthusiastic about at least conversing with them.

[v1olin]

I have had atleast 25 women in their late 40's to mid 50's contact me in the last 6 months. I am not into dating older though. My own age or a little younger would be nice!

[flowmom]

violin, does your profile clearly state your age preference?

[soleil]

You want someone whose core values match yours. You want someone committed and responsible and loving. And if you get those endorphins flowing too early in the process you WON'T have a clear head.

ITA with that.