I decided that for the first, or even the second date, it isn't necessary for any of the dates to know there are other dates. On fact, we are all on Match, what would they expect? After the second or third date, it's probably time to take stock, and decide how you want to handle things.
I agree with soleil, just date them all and then make a decision on which one gets to stay longest. I have never dated more then one person at a time either but I plan to get real good at it! No sexy time, of course, until I agree to be "exclusive" with someone.
I agree with this approach as well. In fact, some dating advice blogs that I read seem to consider this an unspoken understanding: people who are dating should be assumed to be dating multiple people unless there has been a conversation about exclusivity. Having said that, you don't rub someone's nose in it if you're dating someone else. It's tactful to concentrate on the person who you're with at the time.
Interestingly, I found that guys assumed that I *wasn't* dating others (when I was) even though they themselves had entanglements (which they were trying to get rid of to concentrate on me ). That did cause a bit of surprise and disappointment on their part, but really, they made unreasonable assumptions and didn't communicate about them. I did take responsibility for narrowing down to one guy when things got to the point when juggling wasn't working for me or them (which happened pretty quickly). That was super hard. I ended up dumping a guy who I really liked and it didn't feel resolved. But when the guy who I chose didn't work out, the guy who I dumped appeared the scene the next day and we're now enjoying "seeing" one another. So even an "embarassment of riches" can work out in the end (but stressful at the time).
My advice is don't waste time on long distance relationships. Yes they can work out, but they can also consume a huge amount of energy and focus, which will bring more rewards if used in real life.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
Continuing a conversation from newmama's thread here:
Violin, it's not a numbers game unless you're looking for notches on the belt . My numbers are similar to newmama's...lots of additional guys trying to talk on IM but mostly that is guys wanting s-x talk and I avoid talking on IM unless I want to go on a date with that person. I could have attracted more attention by being more flirty in my profile or showing photos in more feminine or revealing clothing. I intentionally tailored my profile towards a man who might want to have a conversation with me, not just be focused on my "attributes". I assumed that would generate fewer contacts, and I was OK with that. I think it's finding a balance: you have to put your goods "in the shop window" and show why someone would at least want to go on a date with you. OTOH, I wanted to bring on the flirtation and the cute outfits for the guy who I actually wanted to date, not for the slobberers in the online dating scene.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
My IC recommended to me something very funny: she said I should go on 20 dates w/ 20 different men. No seeing any of them a second time until I had gone through all 20. I think this is such a hilarious idea! Think of the stories!
Wow, I think it would have been hard for me to find 20 guys who I wanted to date. Of course, you're in a different demographic than me . Also, on my first date there was such amazing chemistry, great conversation, and even easy silences (walking and sitting on the beach for hours). I definitely wanted to see where that could do and I'm glad I did.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
The 41 yo and I have emailed back and forth a few times now and someone picked me from their daily line up. I guess that IS better results than the free sites I was using.
Me 35 Wife 34 Two daughters 8 years and 3 years Bomb 3/30/09 W filed 4/16/09 We met in'92 married in 2000 Divorce final
Date them all.. especially the one you find most attractive. After all folks always want what they feel they can't have.
And the East Coast guy? I'd suggest it was time to meet in person or call it off. The longer you go without meeting an online individual, the more the mind fills the blanks with perfection. And the easier it is to be involved without ever meeting. Just smack him upside the head.. geez.
I peeked at one of the dating websites and just inwardly cringed. How do I get over that?!?
No sexy time, of course, until I agree to be "exclusive" with someone. 
). That did cause a bit of surprise and disappointment on their part, but really, they made unreasonable assumptions and didn't communicate about them. I did take responsibility for narrowing down to one guy when things got to the point when juggling wasn't working for me or them (which happened pretty quickly). That was super hard. I ended up dumping a guy who I really liked and it didn't feel resolved. But when the guy who I chose didn't work out, the guy who I dumped appeared the scene the next day and we're now enjoying "seeing" one another. So even an "embarassment of riches" can work out in the end (but stressful at the time).