online dating tips, do-over

[flowmom]

I'm reposting what I look for in a guy

* a handsome face with a lot of character (not generic attractiveness)

* a casual fully clothed full body shot to confirm self-description of body type

* no bitterness about dating, women, exes, etc (you'd be surprised how common this is)

* shows some evidence of passion (often expressed through strong interests or career passion -- but not necessary to spell out career exactly).

* willing to get with the program -- you're on an online dating site...no one likes having to describe and sell themselves but that's part of the deal so don't waste your profile bandwidth on that

* most men are probably not as boring as they come off in their profiles. get feedback from people who know you IRL!

[flowmom]

reposting my thoughts on how I wanted to present myself in my profile:

I tried to avoid describing myself, because it often sounds really flat and generic when people describe themselves. Instead I tried to give a snapshot of the highlights of my last couple of weeks. Instead of saying that I like to have fun (who doesn't?) I tried to show how I WAS having fun.

This was my profile...I think I got a pretty good response.

"The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity." -- Dorothy Parker

Highlights from my last couple of weeks: Camping with awesome friends at a roots & groove festival. Rare steak and mojitos in XXXX Harbour. Tromping through the bush for a couple of days...survived two bear encounters but got covered in mud in a swamp

My interests and activities include: hiking, unique friends, jazz, global music, rock/pop, nature in all its glory, 20th century novels, the minutiae of daily life, geography, visual art, design, alternative health, psychology of happiness & productivity, spirituality including Buddhism, yoga, community living, urban strolling, travel, dancing, alternative education, and using dinner guests as guinea pigs.

A part-time career and two wonderful children keep me pretty busy, but not too busy for dating. If you're confident, manly, smart, and funny...I'd like to hear from you (35-52 year old XXXX area guys only please).

These are fresh photos of me.

I intentionally kept it short and "breezy". I think the place to share detail and get into the nitty gritty is later on...a lot later on.

[flowmom]

reposting thoughts on my strategy for attracting the kind of guy I want:

Since I was looking for a confident man who was willing to pursue me, I decided not to initiate contact on the dating site...and I mostly stuck to my rule. Guitarist made the first contact by sending a message, not a wink/smile. I liked that . That showed confidence...and he's continued to show confidence since then. I love that! And he has definitely pursued me, including phoning me to see if I was still attached the day after M broke up with me. So think of how important those things are to you.

Guys, even if you are not feeling confident, you can fake it until you make it. Put yourself out there and don't rely on women to smile/wink/message you. Many women won't bother because there is general agreement that it's the guy's job. Don't shoot the messenger...I'm just saying. Don't smile/wink yourself. Just send a friendly, short message that shows that you've read their profile and see if they reply. Refuse to take their responses personally since they haven't even met you. It's amazing how childish and pouty so many men acted when I politely responded that I wasn't interested and wished them luck. The guys who responded in a classy way stood out in a good way. Be that classy guy.

My new boyfriend says that he didn't used to be confident around women, but is now (while still being respectful). A recently acquired skill at the ripe old age of 49! Figure out what you have to offer and feel good about that. Confidence is one of the most attractive qualities in men. There are plenty of unfit, unhandsome, poor, and strange men who attract great women because of their confidence.

[Reincarnated]

I just got matched with a man 12 years older than me! He is physically active, but really?

I think I am having an issue in that my own father passed away suddenly of a heart attack at 50....and now 55 year olds are winking at me! Guys, I'm only 40!

[SunFunOne]

I will try to repost what I wrote about Online Dating again later. But I want to talk for a minute about age. I wanted someone to be within 3 or 4 years of my own age. Had dated a guy 3 years younger who acted like I was much older - not a good thing. I am MUCH younger in my attitudes etc than many people my age.

Last week I was registering at the PreOp clinic. When it was finally my turn (half an hour in line) the girl sighed as I approached. So I asked if she was tired. (It was later in the day). She said "no, but I'm turning 40 next week and just dreading it". I told her I was over 50 and she gasped and said "No possible way". WOW - that was the sweetest thing and it appeared quite genuine. I am almost 55 as a matter of fact.

Age is just a number. I had seen Josh on the online dating site and thought "he is too good looking and too young for me". Silly...

First off - he was shorter and a bit heavier than he had looked in his photo. But his personality was sweet. And I'm not perfect either. Definitely heavier than I want to be.

Because I was 7 years older than Josh, when he first started chatting with me - I thought he was just interested in talking. Found me interesting. I wasn't even sure he would be attracted to me really. But I was wrong. When I asked him about our ages (after a few dates) he just said "age is just a number. you are far more interesting and have a great attitude about life than most people - that's what matters". Hmmmm...

And about age - having children was a concern for me. Josh was in his early 40s when we met - had never married or had kids. So I approached that one fairly early on. Did he ever want kids? Because in my late 40s I knew that I did not plan to have more. It was possible but not for me. He said he always had thought he would marry and have kids but his frequent moves for work kept him from forming attachments and it just never happened. He said he was ok without having his own and has been quite involved in the lives of his niece and nephews. Now we look forward to someday when my kids have kids and he will grandparent with me. Good thing since my ex is not around much and he is already grandparenting with OW's grandkid.

Just my thoughts on age.

Barb

[Say Lavee]

I just got matched with a man 12 years older than me! He is physically active, but really?

I think I am having an issue in that my own father passed away suddenly of a heart attack at 50....and now 55 year olds are winking at me! Guys, I'm only 40!

I have the same thing.. guys in their late 50's & 60's are contacting me. Of course, men my age are looking for women 15 years younger as well. I suppose 'snagging & shagging' a women that much younger would definitely boosts the ego & status.

One of my best guy friends is 10 years younger, another one is 3 years older. Not sure 'age' means as much as experience, energy, and commonalities.

Say-Lavee

[flowmom]

I was initially looking for guys plus or minus 5 years of my age. What I've found is that I'm not finding younger guys attractive, esp. if they have been through marriage and becoming parents. I have a growing recognition of wanting to be in a similar life stage in a relationship. Also, I've dated 2 49-year-old men (one is my boyfriend now). Initially I thought that was "too old", but they have both been very attractive, and active and they have the maturity that I'm looking for. Seven years older isn't that much, but I'm used to being with someone also the same age as me so it definitely feels different.

[flowmom]

I meant I am not attracted to younger guys, especially if they have NOT been through marriage/parenting. I was surprised to get a LOT of attention from guys who are roughly 35 years old.

Something to keep in mind is that if you are in your early 40s, many men similar in age to you will not be attracted if they are wanting to have biological children because you will be perceived as being past your childbearing window. I've been surprised by how many men in their 40s and 50s are open to having children (presumably biological) so that definitely is a factor in dating towards LTR once a woman is perceived as being too old to bear children. The different biological realities regarding fertility create a mismatch in age-matching for dating IMO.

[v1olin]

Hey Violin, you ever had yourself? They say once you've had yourself you'll never go back.

No going back to what??

[v1olin]

Got one wink and someone else favorited me. Am I doing something wrong? I sent out a few emails to see what happens.