Robx, he can really only count on himself to "act mature" in this situation. His W has shown a certain unpredictibility. I would hate to see him drawn into a situation where things go south in front of his kids. Her recent talk about his gun makes me nervous for him. I had little kids when my sitch blew up. I would never have put myself in that position.
For the record, my H and I have traditionally split the Halloween duties just as DSH described. I took the kids to church and he took them around the neighborhood. Most of the parents on our block only send one adult out with the kids. As long as he has time to fuss over the costumes and have fun with them, I see no need to force a "family time".
You are 110% correct. Only dsh can be responsible for his actions, he can act mature and his wife can act however she wants, that's her choice, she has free will and responsibility over her actions.
Dsh can only choose not to respond to her crap behavior and tune her out, in fact I encourage him to do so, get her used to him not reacting emotionally to her outbursts anymore, it's what needs to be done.
I still havent told the W that I would join them or not on halloween. She sent a text tonight asking if iwas going to let her know what my plans were for the kids tomorrow and if she needed to cancel their plans. She knew for the last 4 days I wanted to take them to an air show, so whether she truly made plans for them or not, who knows. Just another test I believe. I also mentioned to her that I wanted to take them to the church function prior to trick or treating on sunday. She said that wont work, she would not have them in their costumes all day. I replied with, they dont need to be in their costumes for the function, we will make it work.
She then says you are more than welcome to join us for trick or treating. I did not say yes or no. I said we will figure it out, I have to go. and left it at that. She has known for 2 weeks I wanted to take them to the function. So this is another power play on her part, but again I am not going to let her control it.
My kids and I will have fun tomorrow at the air show, My S loves the fact my Dad was a navy pilot and loves planes. My D will just like the booths and all the stuff!!!!! they are so awesome I cant wait to spend the day with them!!!
Went to get the kids at daycare and as I picked them up the lady working said I owe for one hour. I said nope the W can pay, she dropped them here an hour prior to me picking them up, she can pay. So I leave and of course get a text from W asking why I didnt pay. I replied with " I didnt need them to be watched for an hour, so I didnt pay. She started to go on about how this had been an agreement (which is totally untrue, she likes to think when she comes up with something we agreed to it). So I stopped responding and she followed it with, dont worry about I will pay for it like I do everything else! my response to that "thats funny". She asked what was funny, I dont respond. She sends another one like is this your way to get back at me for the trick or treating? I didnt respond. She sends another one saying "I try and communicate with you and you always demand or FORCE me to do what ever you want". I decided to emd it by saying " thats even funnier, I am going to spend time with the kids now c ya at 5".
I am done validating any of her crap going forward. Her comments are ridiculous and they only remind me of how twisted her thinking is to reality. There was so much I wanted to say but didnt. Over the last eight years I have paid for everything, I wanted to say total up what you have paid for in 2 months, I will total up what I have paid for over the last 8 years and we will compare how many 0's there are.
I know I am not really Dbing with her anymore except for NC nad pretty much dark, but she still hasnt done a damn thing to work on herself from what I can see.
Dropped the kids off, and the W wanted to get into it with me at the daycare over 11 dollars. Told her the same thing i texted her earlier, you dropped them off an hour before I was picking them up, your choice you pay. She started to raise her voice in the daycare, I started to leave she says we arent done yet, I said oh yeah, we are this is not the time or place for this conversation, see you tomorrow and I walked out. UNBELIEVABLE!
She is at it again. I asked when the kids were trick or treating, she writes back saying if you cant be decent towards me you dont need to come around. Our S already has issues with the way you treat me. I replied with we arent going to be friends, not realistic, the fact i am not buddy budy with you should have no bearing on whether the kids see their father or not. The text conversation was a lot longer but i am so angry I cant type it all. I feel this is more about her than the kids. She is not getting her way in regards to us being friends and she is playing this game. Do I go over there anyway? I dont know what to do. My S said he wanted to see me when he was trick or treating, I feel torn right now.
So I sent her a text saying, just have them call me when they are done, they can spend the night with me tomorrow, and we will have a halloween together then. She replies why dont you come? WTh!!! I cant believe I ever married this woman. She tells me not to come around, tells me to leave emotions out, that she is fine with me not wanting to be friends, she is busy goodbye, then I send what I send and its now come over? Games are killing me.
I already worked out, but I could again!!! the kids are young and all I asked was what time they were going, simple answer even an estimated time, she wont tell me. I do want to I dont want to go over there and hang around for an hour picking my toes. I am going to go through a wall!!!! probably her intention all along, get me frustrated over her bs, its not about the kids with her its the fact I pay her 0% attention, and this is her way of handling it.
Can you text and say I am going to come over at XXX time so that we can leave for trick or treating around XXX time? Looking forward to seeing the kids in their costumes and a fun night.
Signed, H
Me-53 W-49 D22,D18,D15 T-Since-12/2001 Married-9/2004 She Moved Out-5/28/2010 Piecing start-04/2011 Now-together Thread http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2079304
She's pretty much under your skin right now, so it's best that you don't go or try anymore today. If you don't have a time that you could meet that's tough and I don't think going over there you would be just picking your toes Sounds like a breeding ground for one hell of an argument.
Stay strong Bud and try to get your mind off of it.
Sounds like a breeding ground for one hell of an argument.