Still trying to process the fact that I am going to be divorced but doing ok...
Last night, I had a thought, an analogy of some sort
When I found out I had breast cancer...I was not surprised given my family history...I expected to get it and I did. I had surgery, all looked good and thought it had been taken care of, that I was done and life would go back to normal.
Then, the oncologist recommended chemo...I was devastated! I didn't think I'd have to do that but he said there might be little reble cancer cells floating around in my body and that we wanted to be sure and get them all so that the chances of it coming back would go down!
So...I did it...there was lots of things I didn't like about it but it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be and here I am, 2 yrs later...surviving!
Now...replace the word cancer with MLC...replace the word chemo with divorce...a divorce may have to happen in order for the MLC to go away and stay away for good this time. I don't like it...I don't want it...but it is happening!!! And I will survive!
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
Last night, I am laying in bed feeling sorry for myself...I got a phone call from a client. She had shared with me that she had a lump and was waiting for the results of her biopsy the last time I did her hair. She told me last night that she did indeed have breast cancer and wanted to talk. Not 5 mins after I got off the phone with her, it rang again and it was my brother...I didn't answer. (I just figured he wanted to chat or ask about my sitch and I didn't feel like talking about it)
Well, he called back today. He suspects his wife is having an EA. She has been taking her phone with her everywhere and texting all the time etc etc. He looked on the phone bill and saw the number she has been testing is a guy they work with...
Yep....
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
Now...replace the word cancer with MLC...replace the word chemo with divorce...a divorce may have to happen in order for the MLC to go away and stay away for good this time. I don't like it...I don't want it...but it is happening!!! And I will survive!
Yes, you will! Courageous all the way. Did you tell your kids? What do you do next? And this is the not the final paper step, either. How are you feeling about it today?
As for your brother...I am so sorry to hear that. What steps did he take so far?
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
Haven't told the kids yet about the latest...they know that their Dad filed for a D. No, this is not the final step...the agreement that his L wrote up is a joke...I will have to file a counter-one...this is where my fear comes in and will have to be overcome!
My brother, unfortuantely, has already talked with many of his co-workers, he and his wife both work at the same plant...he plans to confront her...I asked him if he was prepared for the outcome either way and he said yes...honeslty, they have been "roomates" for several years...my other brother told me in the beginning of mine that he thought if anyone in our family got D'd, it would have been this brother and not me and H. Told him to not move out of the house....
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
I think your analogy fits beautifully. I do think MLC is like a cancer. It poisons what was once healthy. Divorce as chemo fits as well - it's supposed to "heal" - and in ways it does. But it also changes many, many things. Your appetite, hair texture, sensitivity, tolerances, - you are you but different.
I too am very sorry for your brother. I have a friend whose husband has entered the tunnel and she is devastated. They have always had significant problems however she has 2 teenage boys who are watching their dad become an adolescent in front of their eyes. Hanging with college kids, partying til all hours, being foolish.
I look forward to a time when I can share my life with someone (married or not) and just enjoy the moments. Holding grandkids, reading, golfing, ...I'm really not looking for more - just looking forward to enjoying all I have!
Have a great day! You are amazing!
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
Mystik-I wouldn't describe myself as fit...still wrestling with the "why's" and the "what did I do's to deserve this" but I am noticing that they are not as much!
IB-I am sorry to hear about your friends situation! TG she has a friend like you for support! You can enjoy all that you have now IB!!!
Well, off to work and then....work! Tomorrow we are doing dinner with SS and family and then trick or treating!
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
When I found out I had breast cancer...I was not surprised given my family history...I expected to get it and I did. I had surgery, all looked good and thought it had been taken care of, that I was done and life would go back to normal.
Then, the oncologist recommended chemo...I was devastated! I didn't think I'd have to do that but he said there might be little reble cancer cells floating around in my body and that we wanted to be sure and get them all so that the chances of it coming back would go down!
So...I did it...there was lots of things I didn't like about it but it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be and here I am, 2 yrs later...surviving!
Now...replace the word cancer with MLC...replace the word chemo with divorce...a divorce may have to happen in order for the MLC to go away and stay away for good this time.
CW, I REALLY liked this analogy! It has really helped me to look at my situation from a different perspective.
Jody told me that after counseling for 30 some years she has come to realize that there are relatively few quality men and women out there. I think that many of the people on this board.........including YOU..........fall into that category. H's MLC is about him and unfinished business from the past.
I watched Oprah's interview with Tyler Perry a week ago. It was very interesting. He was $exually, emotionally, and physically abused as a child and said that he has had a difficult time in Rs with women (he is single). That was interesting to me because he writes such sensitive and positive movies. You can tell that he has done a lot of work on himself...........At one point in the interview he said that it has taken him a long time to figure out what triggers in the environment made him shut down emotionally. He is still figuring this out. ............CW, my point is, you probably don't know all the triggers your H may have that made him shut down emotionally.
You know...it is kinda sad really...I DO NOT know much about H's childhood at all! His sisters are 7yrs younger and are not "remembering" anything either! So...it is true that I do not know most of his triggers! I was married to this man for 16yrs! Crazy!
About me....thankyou for saying that I fall into the quality category but the truth is...I have my own unfinished business from my past...I am pretty sure it has been a factor in my R with H...really...who doesn't have something?
Look at my brother...he is now going thru the same thing! We used to joke about the "insert maiden name" luck...if it wasn't for bad luck, we wouldn't have any luck at all! Is there something about us that can't seem to handle a R? My youngest brother (age 43) never M and hasn't really had any serious R's!!!
Thankyou for posting what Jody said and the story about Tyler Perry! I hope you have a great weekend too!
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
CW I think a lot of us wonder if there is something wrong with us for not being able to "handle an R." But who was the one who couldn't handle it, really...you know? Our spouses.
But it is normal,I have heard, to wonder what is wrong with US. Normal doesn't mean it's right, though.
Let yourself eat a lot of chocolate today if you want it. Sorry to hear that your brother started telling people already--does he have evidence of his wife's EA?
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
