Question: How do I deal with the "support" group? This group includes friends from the Moms club, the OM, some members of her family that no longer speak to me on account that they are not interested in my side of the story and sadly I think, her therapist that diagnosed me with some "disorder" without even meeting me. There may be others that I am not aware of.
Me 39 W 37 S 5 D 2.75 Married 12 years Together 14 years Bomb Dropped 08/16/10
You will not be able to "deal" with her & her support groups. Don't waste your time trying to get them to hear your side of the story b/c they've already set up judgment. That is why it is good for you to come here instead of trying to get advice from friends/family......they will say what you want to hear and we don't. You know the truth and for now, that's all that is important. Your W will even convince herself of her own lies b/c she wants to be justified for what she's done to you.
Don't discuss the R with your W! I know you are probably wondering how the problems will get worked out if you don't talk about them, right? You are going to hear a lot of things that will sound very opposite of what you thought would be the correct advice for DB. Already it sounds as if we are telling you how to bust the M instead of a D, but trust me, if you'll do what you read here, you'll stand a much bigger chance of saving the M.
Right now you are in a panic mode and you need to try to calm down so you think. You can't think properly when the emotions are out of control. All you are going through is normal so don't be too hard on yourself, but do try very hard to get a handle on yourself.
You will have to accept the fact that you cannot control your W. You cannot control what she tells others or what they think about you. All you can truly control is yourself. So, get your focus off your W, off the MR, off the OM, and think about you and the kids.
Most LBH's bang their heads against the wall wondering why this and why that. Why is the W doing what she always hated in others,etc. She is not the girl you M. She has changed in her thinking, feelings, morals, principles, everything! You will be SHOCKED at more to come. She is not through dishing out. So, be prepared for anything.
I believe a WAW who is in an A must suffer some type of loss before she will begin to change her mind and do what is right regarding the M. It has to be something very precious to her. Therefore, do not make things easy for her. A WAW will try to have the best of both worlds. She's already said that she needs someone to babysit while she has time for herself. Well, sorry.....but that's too bad b/c you aren't going to babysit when she's not there. She will have to find (and maybe pay) for someone else to do it. You will be out GAL. You pick and choose when you will be there and when you will be with the kids, not when she says. The very best thing that I believe a LBH could do when his WAW is in an A is to dump her. That's right. If she thinks that you don't want her, then she will suddenly get very focused on you instead of OM. However, if you pursue your W, she will be sickened by your actions. She wants what she can't have. That is why she got into an EA to start with.
Does your inlaws live in the same town? Do you and your W attend church?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Yes WAW are ok with divorce they file for 2/3 of them. Your WAW will do things you never thought possible. You may get her back you may not, there is no sure thing. The best thing you can do is get your mind and life inorder. Being the lbh sucks. Hope you have better luck than I did.
M40, W 37 M 11 1/2 y T 13 y D filed 5-18-10 S 5-29-10 OM1 discovered 6-5-10 Counter sued for d 6-16-10 OM2 discovered 8-10-10 OM3, OM4 4 kids 10, 7, & 3 D date 10-14-10 http://tiny.cc/mxzct
My inlaws live four hours away. No, not together. here is what I thought about today: If I really want to act as if I do not care if she continues down the D path, I have to think about all the benefits from being alone and focus on them. 1-No more naging. The OM will start to get that soon enough. 2-When D is final I will control at leas 1/4 of my income, right now I control 1% and she spends 99% on stuff that just aggravates me. 3-I will get to take my children to my side of the family on some Holidays. Up until now they only know my dad in person and my sister, niece, nephew and brother in law thanks to Skype. My mother they have only seen in pictures. Because we always have gone to her family for every single holiday, and no, I am not exagerating. 4-I will be able to separate my finances and credit from hers. From D day on, if she is late paying her credit card bill, the fee comes out of her pocket not mine. If she wants to waste money on every weight loss product or method known to man, she will be paying for it and I won't be getting upset anymore about it.
5- I will get to watch what I want on TV. No more Real Housewifes of _______ (fill in the blank) or "Medium" or that Jennifer Love Hewett Show about dead people.
6-I get to buy my own clothes and not wear things I do not like just to please her.
Me 39 W 37 S 5 D 2.75 Married 12 years Together 14 years Bomb Dropped 08/16/10
If she acts like my waw 5 months after the bomb she has a huge support group of totally new friends there is nothing you can do except be a better person than her. You wouldn't take your side if you heard what she's saying about you. Just worry about your self nothing you can do about her support group of fake new good time friends.
M40, W 37 M 11 1/2 y T 13 y D filed 5-18-10 S 5-29-10 OM1 discovered 6-5-10 Counter sued for d 6-16-10 OM2 discovered 8-10-10 OM3, OM4 4 kids 10, 7, & 3 D date 10-14-10 http://tiny.cc/mxzct
Well, my sister lives in Europe and I can't take the kids there without W's approval. I have to start preparing to do that though. My son is allergic to peanuts and I will have to carry epi-pens on the plane as well as his hearing aid. My daughter is two so I need a car seat for her, and I know they won't be easy to handle in sucha long trip( I live in California). Hopefully she will not think that I am taking them there and not coming back because that is not the case, even though the idea does sound appealing sometimes.
Me 39 W 37 S 5 D 2.75 Married 12 years Together 14 years Bomb Dropped 08/16/10
I think I slid yesterday. Sent WAW an SMS with audio. I was singing a song to my daughter for WAW to play it for her when she put her down. The only problem is that the song was "I will" (Beatles white album) and I do not think it went well. She has not called or texted today, when she has been doing it at least twice a day for the last two weeks. Is my fault, because afterwards I remembered that I used to sing that song to her (WAW).
Me 39 W 37 S 5 D 2.75 Married 12 years Together 14 years Bomb Dropped 08/16/10
