In the process

[newmama]

clarification: he sent me the "thinking of you" text tonight.

No "Sorry I didn't get back to you, I didn't know how to respond." or something

kind of turned off now.

[newmama]

Piano, HI!! Welcome back! I have been wondering how you were doing!!

[v1olin]

Ah well, there are plenty of other good guys out there.

[flowmom]

When you think zoo brew and city guy, think "NEXT" . I'm trying to be a "choosy floozy" and not settle. It's hard because I think that as women and mothers we are programmed to be understanding and nurturing, etc. We need to make sure that we reserve that for people who have EARNED their way into our inner circle by being awesome and treating us the way that we deserve.

[avermont]

Yeah. What you said. Being awesome.

The whole texting emailing thing--I kept saying, pre-D, that I was SO glad that I wasn't a 20 something, trying to do relationships via FB, text, email.

HAHAHHA. Joke's on me, I guess.

I'm absolutely terrified of open, honest convo. Which is why I'm here, of course!

But even in this email age--perhaps especially--applying DB lessons has got to be the way to go.

Don't know how that applies to your sitch, but I'm trying to learn from your dating adventures here.

The proper etiquette of texting. Has someone written a (virtual) book on that yet??

Keep dating, keep having fun, don't settle and don't forget your utter awesomeness!!

[newmama]

Hi Avermont! Good "seeing" you!

I'm absolutely terrified of open, honest convo. Which is why I'm here, of course!

Funny you should say that because so was I! And today I kept thinking about how irked I was by being "led" on and then suddenly "dropped" with no explanation. I was thinking that people need to know when they are being rude or that it isn't ok to treat others a certain way! I need to know it, too, if/when I do that!

I had an assistant pull me aside earlier this year, crying, because she felt I was pushing her aside and snapping at her...I was. Not because I didn't like her but because I was SO STRESSED OUT) She called me on it. I had to own up to my actions, I admitted I was wrong, and I have changed my behavior in response to that conversation. We have been working well together since.

Now, I know it is unhealthy to prolong "the agony" in order to continue to have contact with a person (i.e. breaking NC, or picking a fight, or just finding some excuse to talk to them again).

But what if you don't have enough history to have "agony?" Why not just assert your boundaries?

On Wed at 5:30 zoobrew said "Hi ho newmama! Just stinkin' thinkin' of y'all. Hope you and your wee lad are well. Cheers, zoobrew"

I replied " Hi, zoobrew.Finished up with conferences and S is doing well. What's on your mind? Newmama"
THEN this:
"Should I assume you didn't my text several weeks back since I never got a reply?"

So my prediction? a) I will never hear from that scaredy cat again b)"no- I didn't get your text!"

if he says (b) then I will simply say "just so you know, when you send me a text saying you are thinking of me, it makes me think that you might want to see me again. Is this true?"

AND I WANT HIM TO ANSWER THE QUESTION! BUT HERE IS THE CRUEL PART:

I don't care if ever see him again. I don't want to put in the effort. BUT I WANT HIM TO LEARN THAT HE NEEDS TO NOT SEND MIXED SIGNALS TO PEOPLE!!

am I on the right track at all?

[newmama]

p.s. I sent my text 5 hours ago which was about a day later--not on purpose--I wasn't going to text him at all, seriously! It was just me thinking about how to break the cycle of conflict avoidance....or the "culture" of conflict avoidance. One person at a time!

[flowmom]

Well said gabbysmom. I think that we are in the habit of putting so much energy into figuring out our WAHs, and feeling frustrated about our lack of control over a failing M. We have to watch that guys that we date, or even are in touch with on the internet, don't become our "victims". I know that's a trap for me too, but of course it's easier to see from the outside right? If your interactions with someone don't leaving you feeling AMAZING...then NEXT. Whatever is going on on his end is NOT YOUR PROBLEM...don't make it your job to teach etiquette. Save that for your son and students.

hugs!

[v1olin]

I think you should tell him exactly what you said here.

"I don't really care to see you again but when you send mixed signals it makes me think YOU want to see me again. I don't want to put in the effort with you. Hope you have good luck in the dating world!"

It is only a rough draft. When it comes to men you should tell them what you want them to know, not tell them something else and hope they do what you want! lol

[Babydoll]

Hey NM!!!! how are you... it's been a while! Hope all is well.