I watched a little bit of football this weekend, too. Being so close to St. Louis, I have to watch the Rams. They almost won a road game this week. They are improving and I would be happy with a .500 season after the last two or three years. I sure wish I would have relished in the days of the "Greatest Show On Turf"!! That was a great three years in a city that had never had consistently good football. The big game was Mizzou beating Oklahoma!! That was fantastic!
Ok. I'll dig up my old thread and update it. It's weird to think backwards to where we were when we started out here and how different we were then. It's like an out of body experience to relive those emotions through the lens of experience. Since I went dark, a lot has happened, and nothing at all.
Cigars have no calories and the relaxation that comes with them trumps 10 lbs.
I'll try and get my story up asap.
BTW, I think you are kicking this in the a$$ buddy. I know it doesn't always feel that way, but knowing the whole story and seeing you change, I can see how far you've come. I'm proud of you man.
ADAPT. OVERCOME. IMPROVISE. -Tom Highway
Me: 43 W: 40 S12 & S9 Married 17yrs Together 20yrs
i found out that he had purchased a new home. he's taking possession this friday. i also found out that he upgraded the house to the max. top of the line everything. probably his way of saying "you held me back from having the best in life. now that i'm free of you, i can do whatever i want .. whenever i want .. and have whatever i want."
our fight is over money. i hate fighting over money. i have not asked for anything but an even split. he wanted 80% of our assets.
i know this isn't a tit for tat thing .. but i am fighting the urge to do some stupid things. a) trash his new home. this could land me in jail but it's better than living.
Really? Aside from being illegal & making you look crazy & vindictive, which would validate his choice to leave you ALL while hurting you legally, and doing nothing positive for you, um, do you really think 'jail is better THAN LIVING'?? Please see a T and tell them you wrote this and what exactly you mean. It concerns me, okay?
b) go head to head with him and go "bigger and better than his" with my home.
Why? If it's to make your home more beautiful & harmonious and serene for YOU, and it's affordable, I say Great. (Read "Simple Abundance" for more on that). But If it's financially stupid or self destructive for him to do, isn't it the same for you? Instead you could contrast his action with a mature purchase or upgrades that feel good AND tasteful while being financially wise for you. Maybe even provide a bit of long term security for you, & NOT stretching you to the max as he seems to be doing...just a thought.
c) take him for all he's worth in the separation agreement and drag this out for as long as i can.
Perhaps yes to the first part, but no to the second. How on earth would that help YOU? Seems as if the Faster this crap is over, the better. I say that b/c I assume you are done with the m, based on your tone lately. Do you want to drag it out to punish him? Aside from how attractive that isn't, it agai validates his negative images of you, which he creates to justify leaving, BUT it lengthens YOUR suffering. But hey, If he wakes up and snaps out of it and wants back in, HE can try! (I have had 2 family members divorce only to remarry their original spouses years later. Yes it happens.) Don't know what you now want, But what you've done so far has not worked to save the M, if that's still even a goal.
i hate reading these boards and the advice given to men here. how women want men to lead. how women are need to feel secure .. emotionally and financially. that's a bunch of horse manure. men say that women want emotional and financial secure will turn things around and call you a money grubber for wanting those things.
i no longer believe that men want to take care of someone. men only care about their own needs and making sure they are able to take more than they need to give. when they feel they are no longer receiving more, they just cut and run with everything. Obviously sweeping generalizations that are often grossly unfair, but hey, you admit you came here to vent so, vent away...and who knows? Maybe the purchase your h made was in fact to try to start fresh with someone who sees him as a security providing hero. Men seem to like being admired. (My h sure does.)
i am afraid to want emotional and financial security from a man because i believe that nobody will ever want to take care of me. all i ever wanted was for someone to say they wanted to take care of me. Maybe that came across as being needy. A lot of men seem more attracted to women who are content with their lives and don't have that need so on the surface. Don't get me wrong, I think we ALL have that need at some level. But we hide it most of the time and do't always feel it. We also have the nurturing side that we show them. that it was better to have me in their life than to not have me.
UST [/quote]
Of course it is better you are in their life. Are you saying there are no people in your life, other than your h? I bet you're a good loyal, intelligent friend to many. I bet you already have made a difference in many people's lives. He's not the only man/person in your world and considering what he's had to justify, God knows his opinion of you is NOT based on real data. So in the ways that matter, his opinion doesn't. Yours, and in the final analysis, ONLY yours, does.
Imagine that your life were a novel. Ask yourself, who is the author of your novel/life. Ask yourself who is should be. Ask yourself how you think your "novel" is going. And what do you want the next chapter to be like? Why not write it yourself, and make it go the way you want it to go? And have a great epilogue in mind. One with NO regrets. Step 1 is not giving a crap what HE is doing. Justice/revenge, evening out and all that, really has to be about YOUR HAPPINESS and not HIS Misery. Indeed, many people confuse their ex's misery with their own happiness. Don't make that mistake. Aside from not being able to control HIS misery, you can only control YOUR happiness, so let's get started! Make sense?
Sorry you are here. It does get better. I found Marianne Williamson's work on forgiveness very helpful. No, I didn't think my h "deserved" forgiveness. But MY LIFE was being consumed by my pain. Not to mention how it must have sucked for my kids to see every day and evening. They had their stuff to cope with AND MINE...So forgiveness was what I did for myself (& maybe for my kids a bit too).
I Didn't even tell h about my letting go or forgiving, b/c honestly he didn't have that much to do with it. Yes --it removed an obstacle to us healing, and paved the way for reconciliation, (and without forgiveness, these marriages truly are hopeless). But it was no tactic. Someday that will make sense I hope. Life CAN get better, and it truly is all up to you.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Who was that post supposed to be for, 25? Who is saying that they want to trash someone's house???
Oh my!
Starsky
Um yeah....it was on page 4 of this thread by "DumpedforMIL"...and it grabbed my attention for obvious reasons...
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
