And what does this ^^^^ mean in literal terms. Give me some clear examples. Something measurable.
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I want to be a better person overall.
How? Get specific. What exactly do you want to change for YOU to be a better person for YOU?
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I want to be a positive light in my family and friends' lives
Believe it or not YOU probably ALREADY are. Take a little credit Irish…you really are a wonderful and strong Mom. It is okay to take credit for the good that is ALREADY in YOU.
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I want to find productive ways to deal with my sadness and hurt.
Once again…give me some specifics. What will you do if all of a sudden your H calls pissed off about something.
You are starting to see Irish what we have been telling you. You are strong..
You will survive and thrive…
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
A LITTLE BIT STRONGER - Sara Evans Woke up late today, and I could still feel the sting of pain, but I brushed my teeth anyway. Got dressed through the mess, and put a smile on my face. I got a little bit stronger.
Riding in the car to work, and I try to soothe all the hurt. There's a song on the radio, stupid song made me think of you. I listened to it for a minute, but then I changed it. I'm getting a little bit stronger. Just a little bit stronger.
And I'm not hoping we can work it out. I'm done with how I feel. Spinning my wheels, letting you drag my heart around. And I'm not thinking you could ever change. I know my heart will never be the same. But I'm telling myself I'll be OK, even on my weakest day. I get a little bit stronger.
It doesn't happen overnight. But you turn around and a months gone by, and you realize you haven't cried. I'm not giving you an hour, or a second, or another minute longer. I'm busy getting stronger.
And I'm not hoping we could work it out. I'm done with how I feel. Spinning my wheels, letting you drag my heart around. And I'm not thinking you could ever change. I know my heart will never be the same. But I'm telling myself I'll be OK, even on my weakest day. I get a little bit stronger. Just a little bit stronger.
Getting along without you baby. Better off without you baby. How does it feel without me baby? I'm getting stronger without you baby.
And I'm not hoping we could work it out. I'm done with how I feel. Spinning my wheels, letting you drag my heart around. And I'm not thinking you could ever change. I know my heart will never be the same. But I'm telling myself I'll be OK, even on my weakest day. I get a little bit stronger. Get a little bit stronger. Just a little bit stronger. Little bit, little bit, little bit stronger. Get a little bit stronger.
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
Decent work day. IC today - good session. Took pilates class today - felt great. Cooked dinner for 2nd day in a row for S and myself. Tomorrow excavation begins on my backyard (inground pool being removed - finally!)
Releasing some of that anger on Sunday was very helpful. I have kept silent for most of these few months. I will admit that I did have fleeting thoughts like "oh no now he will never come back / now he will never want me." Yes I know that it sounds like I haven't completely dropped the rope - but I really think that I am closer. I talked to my IC about it and I realized that some of the issue is recognizing H has some mental health issues outside of MLC. IC thought the whole "sickness and health" thing might be playing a part.
Anyway I thought I might tackle some of Eric's questions in the next day or so...become a little more specific and prescriptive about myself and my life.
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
I thought I might tackle some of Eric's questions in the next day or so
Right now...enjoy this time of rest and peace that you are experiencing. If you can answer that is fine BUT nothing should take from the peace you seem to be enjoying.
Your doing really well.
Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
"Be angry, but do not sin". I like that. Enough to put it on a T shirt. I don't believe I've ever heard that as a Biblical verse, but then I'm hardly a Bible scholar. It's God giving us permission to be angry when wronged, but reminding us that two wrongs don't make a right. (See guys, I get it)
Irish, FWIW, I think you are doing beautifully. Joining a gym is an excellent idea. You are always there for your kids. You are, as Seeking put it to me, the rock of your family. Bet you didn't know you were so tough.
You ARE in control of your family. H walked away, right? His little phone call was just a jab at you, probably because you are handling things so well.
Keep on the path you are following; I think it's the right one for you.
H is working to come back into S's world. S is not super receptive. But that is between them.
My day was kind of exciting! Excavation began on the removal of my old inground pool in my backyard. Three years in the making! Now I will begin dreaming about what my backyard might look like.
I have started to calm down again and may be finding my center. Feels good.
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
I am glad that you are feeling better. Your post these last few days have "sounded good".
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Yes I know that it sounds like I haven't completely dropped the rope - but I really think that I am closer.
Dropping the rope, letting go, detach ing - all of this takes time Irish. It really does. Don't rush it. Feel the feeling that you have - feel them. Continue to let them out. If you do not resentment and anger will just build up in you, which really is not good for you OR for your R with God.
Rest up Irish....heal sweetie.
Take some time and just learn about Irish.
As hard as it is, thinking about what you want to do in your life.
If I recall in an earlier post, you questioned "being a mother". Don't ever question that. Be a mom is probably the most important, stressful, challenging and difficult job that any person could have. You Irish, based on your R with your kids - are an excellent Mom. You continue to exceed at being a MOM. Exceed. Why do you even doubt that you cannot exceed in ANYTHING that you put your mind too. Never doubt Irish, your stronger than you think. Know how I know?
Cause your a MOM!
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
I have been wondering something... Is it possible that H's claim that he never wanted to marry me / that he felt "trapped" / that he thought he would marry a "tier 1" beauty - etc. Is it possible that these statements could be true? We had so many laughs, smiles, moments, touches, etc. - could those have truly been fake? I realize that many of you will say "who cares what H has said.." - but I feel as though I have to reconcile these statements as a possibility. If it's not true (I understand that it is true to him today in his MLC state) - then I see it as a symptom of MLC. If it is true - it doesn't change my commitment to stand - it just changes the dynamics. I hope this makes sense (and yes I am sober:) - just reflecting and compartmentalizing. Thanks for your thoughts!
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
