Partner left after 9 yrs - reconciled now married!

[kat727]

I went through that when we lived in another town only 30 minutes away from our home town. No one wanted to drive over, we always needed to go to them. We were the first with a baby so we got a bit cut off with that. That was hard as you your life is crazy trying to get all this stuff done and still trying to find time to be a grown-up. Even sometimes now I will forget the proper word for something as I may not use the word often or the kids and I have made up some nick name word for it.

It takes time to adjust to all of this. I am sure you will do fine. Keep reaching out and inviting friends to meet or come to you.

hugs, kat

[MichelleLT]

Rog's best friend lives an hour away and he complained for a few years that he always had to go to him, he would never come visit. That has changed a little in the last year as he has come to visit a few times since I bought the house. I think having the extra space and a spare room if he wants to crash there is a good incentive versus when we were both in apartments.

I am sure you will do fine with making friends. It's just hard when you are in different places in life. But it sounds like you will actually be more in the same place as many of your friends when having a baby/babies.

It's good that you are aware of it, but have some faith in yourself. You are a wonderful person and anyone would be crazy not to want to be friends with you!

[Virtually_Handsome]

(((((Ali)))))
It's kinda funny. Having lived in England for a few year, I quickly noticed that the perception of distance there is much different that it is here. I think it is changing, slowly, but it will probably always be different.

Here, especially in the "wild, wild, west", we don't think anything of traveling 100 miles or more for something. Part of it is probably the cost of fuel, but that's not all of it.

The other thing that will happen over time is that you will make Cornwall friends! You were starting down that road while you were DBing. You will meet people in connection with activities with your child(ren!!!!). They might be younger, but you will certainly have common interests.

[AliSuddenly]

Hey Jeff, Kat, Michelle.. thanks for your kind replies!

Thats exactly it.. its distance! British people think 3 and a bit hours in the car is a once a year thing because its "so far" away. But Americans would think nothing of doing a 2 hour commute every day (although it woudnt be fun!). For me and H, we dont mind driving that far many times a year to see people and family, but for them, its more of a trek and the longer we've lived here, the less inclined they are to make the journey I suppose.

We do have some very good friends locally though, just not really any bar one couple, that you feel you could call at 4 in the morning when you are tired and frazzled and need someone to come help.

So anyway, had the 7 week scan today and... all is a-ok! Its all healthy, textbook, strong heartbeat, right size and in exact right place top centre and... only one ! H was very emotional and cried a bit, but I was more relieved than excited

[mishka422]

YEAH!!!!!! So exciting. Those ultrasounds are precious. Did they give you video of it or a weblink? When will you have the next one? Are they going to do an amnio?

I know....way too many questions at once huh? I'm just so uber-excited for you!

[kat727]

Yippee!! It's one!! Two adults should be able to handle one little baby...right? lol So excited for you both.

Huge hugs, kat

[MichelleLT]

So exciting!

[AliSuddenly]

Hey girls... yes they did a scan Mish and gave us 3, very fuzzy pictures. Its not even here yet, but I am already a bad mother, as the next day I already lost one of the pictures. We searched everywhere, then the following morning H found it... outside..literally lying in the gutter !!! I must have dropped it, lol.

We have opted for the full screening scan at 12ish weeks, which they are doing in 3 1/2 weeks time a bit early at 11 weeks. But.. if the test comes back as high odds, I dont think I will have the amnio, I'd be too scared of the risks of having it. H is happy to go with whatever I decide. Of course, the risks are higher as I am nearly 40.

Hi to everyone, I've been trying to catch up reading your threads..

[MichelleLT]

LOL. Too funny about dropping the pic.

I can definitely understand your hesitation about too many tests and scans. There's a big push here to ban the 3d ultrasounds because ultrasound was never intended to be used for that long at one time and it's been linked to a bunch of developmental issues.

Don't let the age thing stress you out. Plenty of people have babies when they are "older" and are just fine. You obviously are in pretty good shape for having the baby as you guys didn't even have to go through the full IVF.

[AliSuddenly]

Thats interesting Michelle, the 3D scan is only just catching on here! I wouldnt have one though, it seems a little too invasive to me.

I'm feeling ok, incredibly tired but I havent had any bad morning sickness at least, so gotta be grateful!

Things carry on as normal. A few days ago, H buried his head in me and said in a wierd way "I love you..." I laughed at the heartfelt/odd way he said it and said I should hope so, I'm pregnant with your child! He said "No, but I do, I really do, I really love you"... He couldnt explain what this was about, but felt to me like he is getting past his guilt now into some kind of acceptance and that the past is healed and maybe, just how lucky he really is to be back in this place.

My BFF is trying to separate from her H, who she still loves. She is a WAW and he is in full bargaining/denial mode. I have been able to advise her really well on why he behaves as X, or what she should do because of my DB experience and it feels good to be able to help. I tell her to ignore his day to day knee jerk reactions and threats about money and the kids, that these things are always in flux and it takes a looooong time to really shake out.

Patience.....