Not only is he trying to scare you but more importantly HURT YOU. PUNISH YOU. for what you did. That is why you need to go dark and let him come to you or run away. Regardless, it's his choice. You have your choice to WORK on YOU.
He has run away. He moved to a new town. Changed churches. Won't speak to friends who don't nod their head at everything he says about me or the divorce.
You have only been at this for a couple months. If it had been a year then it would send a different, more concrete message.
The only thing you can do is LET HIM GO. DROP THE ROPE. MOVE ONE WITH YOUR LIFE. Give him what he wants. Not the D part. That part you can stall on. Get another attorney that actually has your best interests in mind and fight for what YOU WANT.
Meanwhile. Take this time to WORK on YOU. Find out what made you "explore" in the first place. Figure out why you NEEDED that ATTENTION. Time for you to have a LOVE AFFAIR with yourself. I know that sounds lame, but you really need to CONTINUE figuring out these CO-DEPENDENT issues.
Life is too short to pine away for someone that doesn't APPRECIATE or WANT YOU. Again. You screwed up. We all make mistakes. Forgive yourself or he will never be able to forgive you either.
I am reading people telling you to fight, fight, fight and that your lawyer is wrong when I assume they have no idea what state and county you live in. I am giving you a bit of realism.
Can you reconcile your marriage? That is up to your husband. Should you give him everything he wants in the divorce? No. That is what your attorneys are for, to assist the both of you in coming to a settlement that is fair or equally distributed.
Am I wrong? Absolutely Not. There was a divorce recently in the county adjacent to mine in which the husband was carrying on a series of internet affairs. The wife in concern of her husbands behavior set up security cameras in their house and video taped her husband masterbating in women's clothing with a pair of women's panties over his head in front of a web cam. The couple could not come to a settlement and the video tapes were submitted into evidence in court. Embrassing?
In troubled times people make irrational decisions and listen to unwise advice. And the reference to Tiger Woods, was hoping you noticed, that despite all that he tried, in the end he still needed to live his life and move on.
I am reading people telling you to fight, fight, fight and that your lawyer is wrong when I assume they have no idea what state and county you live in. I am giving you a bit of realism.
Can you reconcile your marriage? That is up to your husband. Should you give him everything he wants in the divorce? No. That is what your attorneys are for, to assist the both of you in coming to a settlement that is fair or equally distributed.
Am I wrong? Absolutely Not. There was a divorce recently in the county adjacent to mine in which the husband was carrying on a series of internet affairs. The wife in concern of her husbands behavior set up security cameras in their house and video taped her husband masterbating in women's clothing with a pair of women's panties over his head in front of a web cam. The couple could not come to a settlement and the video tapes were submitted into evidence in court. Embrassing?
In troubled times people make irrational decisions and listen to unwise advice. And the reference to Tiger Woods, was hoping you noticed, that despite all that he tried, in the end he still needed to live his life and move on.
Steve, I appreciate your point. Fortunately, the state I live in is a no-fault state. The judge doesn't care what I've done...Thank goodness for that I guess.
Well....I think I am finally back and running. I am so sorry I wasn't able to be there for you when you needed me,but you are getting good advice.
I'll just tell you that your biggest thing will be to forgive yourself. It took me such a long time and sometimes I wonder if I have fully done that yet. But we will not heal nor will we be able to move forward until we can forgive ourselves.
The thing is, you don't feel that you deserve to be forgiven. You see what your actions have caused and you are over-whelmed at how quickly your life fell apart.
You have been yanked out of your fantasy-escape world. The pain, remorse,regret....all of it is horrible. But, you will survive this. I believe that right now you must protect yourself financially. For now, you will have to put the plan to reconcile your M on the back burnner b/c your H is not in an emotional or mental place to even consider it. He made up his mind before you even got home that day. He had packed and had contacted the lawyer. That says a tremdous amount about his pride. His pride is hurt and he is very angry. Don't know if he will allow himself to ever consider forgiveness.
But here's the thing.....you have got to take care of YOU. You must learn to be your own friend and stop beating yourself in the ground. You may even have to find a C to help you get past this.
I did the same things that you did. I understand you. I don't think it is something we planned to do....but was kind of sucked into it due to our vulnerability and sadness in our M. We wanted something to cause us to "feel" again. We wanted to feel alive instead of walking through each day as if we were dead. I could talk for hours about that, but I won't right now.
My M survived, but my H is not turned like yours. It was hard and it took a long time to find our way back.....b/c it was mostly "me" trying to find myself again.
Even if there is a D, your life will go on. Maybe someday the two of you will get back together, or maybe you will find another.....but you will go on....if you will allow yourself to heal and to grow from this point.
I still have so much regret but I know there is no way of undoing what I've done. I can only strive to make my life better. We learn more from our mistake and if we're smart...we don't repeat them.
FWITW, I've learned that we do most of our growing through suffering. So, don't give up on yourself. Push forward and and be the lady you know you can be.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Steve, I appreciate your point. Fortunately, the state I live in is a no-fault state. The judge doesn't care what I've done...Thank goodness for that I guess.
no they probably won't. the buddy of mine who told me that story was laughing so hard his manhattan came back up shooting out his nostrils. public record. people talk.
(((((SoAshamed))))) Maybe it's a losing battle. But, the bigger battle is one you can win. You can get yourself right. You can understand how you got here, and make sure that you do what you need to to make sure that you don't fall into the same traps again. You can take care of yourself.
I still think it is possible, perhaps not likely, that you can reconcile. You will have to give him time and space, probably a lot of it. You will have to be your best, so that when he looks out of the corner of his eye, figuratively and literally, he likes what he sees. You can't pursue him, you can't pressure him. And while you are at it, don't pressure yourself.
(((((SoAshamed))))) Maybe it's a losing battle. But, the bigger battle is one you can win. You can get yourself right. You can understand how you got here, and make sure that you do what you need to to make sure that you don't fall into the same traps again. You can take care of yourself.
I still think it is possible, perhaps not likely, that you can reconcile. You will have to give him time and space, probably a lot of it. You will have to be your best, so that when he looks out of the corner of his eye, figuratively and literally, he likes what he sees. You can't pursue him, you can't pressure him. And while you are at it, don't pressure yourself.
Jeff, Thank you for your kind words. I'm not closing the door to reconciliation. I'm not pressuring either. I do feel like telling him that our attorneys, and his employer are trying to pit us against each other, but I will just keep my mouth closed for now. (The employer thing is a whole new ball of wax that I won't even bother going into the details for now.
