Do what's financially best for you. Don't do anything out of emotion. This is not a personal deal (moving in some new chick), this is a business deal.
You have to take the emotion out of it. It's for the best in the long run.
I was going to school for nursing (prereq's) but then my school went to a lottery draw and it's by luck if you get your number drawn. 150 applicants 23 spots.... so I am looking at RTherapy.... because it's still on the best of the best number system.
I only have 4 years of Maintenance left so I really can't afford to wait and see if they draw my name.
M:47 M:18 D16, S19 1st S 1/08-5/08 Reconciled/May 7, 2008 Left again Nov 9, 2009 I Filed: Nov 17, 2009 Final: April 14, 2010 EX walked away from kids too
I was all for trying to settle things amicably -- even though I didn't want the D -- but then STBXW misconstrued some things we talked about in February and she got an attorney and that forced me to get an attorney.
Do they have anything similar to collaborative divorce in your state? In that system, you both retain lawyers but you sign agreements that you are going to reach a settlement before going to court.
The lawyers then act as advisors. Your STBXH could say I'd like to have the house and you have this and your collaborative L could give you advice.
The only problem is if it doesn't work then you have to start from scratch with new attorneys.
It sounds like you are emotionally invested in the house. I wouldn't give it up without making sure it was in your best interest.
STBXW is living in the house my parents owned when I was a kid -- but I chose to let her have it. It was strategic in my part. I don't think there's any way she can hold on to it long term. By the time she gets out from under it I should be well on my way to being able to afford my own.
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
Oh I'd love a "collaborative" D but stbx does not want this at all. Collaborative to him is signing over whatever he wants. He does not want to settle with me at all, just wants the house lickety split.
As for your emotions and feelings, yes, yes, yes...you're absolutely right about everything you said. However, the sooner you realize that things out of your control are just that the sooner you'll be able to free yourself of the ball and chain. You're a great woman, all of us see that. He's stupid to leave you behind like lots of other WASs- most of them took us for granted and they're high off of the excitement/distraction of something/someone new. But make no mistake, their time will come when they'll one day realize what they lost in the process. For us we truly have to let them go- set them free so they can see for themselves the kind of people we are. Any talking, questioning etc will only make their resolve stronger. If it's meant to be they'll come back and if YOU DECIDE to take them back at that point you could. If not you'll move on...and you will.
I know you're hurting...actually you do quite well for days even weeks (or at least show it that way) but then you get into this mode which is normal and very understandable. Look how far you've come in just the last 3-4 months, you'll keep doing better slowly but steadily.
Sandycay hit it on the nail i.e. do what's best for you financially. It's hard to offer a suggestion without knowing the equity/value of the house.
He can't get you to pay for half of the mortgage but since the date of separation any money he's spending on the house will be considered his equity. So say the house is worth $100k and he owes 90k to the bank. The equity in the house is only $10k. Theoretically you'll be entitled for the $5k. However, say he's paid $3k on the mortgage since separation then you're only entitled to $2k. Furthermore, selling the house has costs associated too say that's $10k- well in that case there'll be nothing to split except the debt. Just a crude example.
If you want CG's advice, get on FB. I don't know if she'll be posting here anytime soon.
Last edited by ImprovedRomeo; 10/16/1001:48 AM.
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
He doesn't know what to do! That he misses me so much and he hopes I am happy because he is not.
WTF is this? I don't understand. I did not text him back. I don't even know how to respond to that...?
Originally Posted By: ImprovedRomeo
I know you're hurting...actually you do quite well for days even weeks (or at least show it that way) but then you get into this mode which is normal and very understandable.
Wow you so hit this spot on, Romeo. That is exactly it. I can be feeling ok and the wave of the madness comes back and well, you know.
As for CG, please send her my best. I'm not on the alt and hope she didn't leave here for good.
Originally Posted By: sgctxok
Soleil,
Your thread is very large. Please start a new one.
I will definitely do that. Are you one of the moderators, Sgc? I have no idea who the mods on are this website...
Also, is there a way to delete some of my threads?
