I woke up at 5:30 this morning - to get S up for morning basketball work-out. ( I get to do this...h doesn't - btw: this is a GOOD thing:))
Had a hard time falling back to sleep (of course on my day off!)
Tossing and turning - 1000s of thoughts in my head - then this one: What if God is telling me YOU deserve a better life than where YOU were headed? What if God is telling me that NO ONE should have to experience the humiliation and despair that comes from being with a sex addict? What if God is telling me that this is MY chance to save myself and my kids from a very scary future with a very sick man?
I just might believe!
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
My S told me that he cried the whole way home from H's hotel. H told him "I'm sorry but I'm never coming home again" Once S got home I just listened. He said "mom I hate to say this - but there is something wrong with him. Every time I tell someone about it they always reply - "no way, not you guys - you all were great together." Dad is not right - he's not the same and I don't know how much I can be around him"
My heart breaks for him / and then I get overwhelmed by guilt that this man's feelings towards me are separating my son from his dad.
There is nothing good about any of this - I am going to have to dig deep to find my way and begin to internalize the thoughts I had this morning.
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
I am so sorry. Your H's actions torwards his son are NOT a reflection of YOU. They are HIS actions. NOT YOURS.
Yes this is very hard. Very. It can suck the life out of YOU BUT only if YOU let it.
As hard as this is right now...you must try and be strong for your son.
Go to your bedroom - cry - let it out. It's okay.
Tomorrow is another day Irish.
Today is not the day that YOU will QUIT!
Rest sweetie....rest..
Please take care of yourself.
Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
IB Im sorry that you and your son have to go through this. My son is the same age. Things do get better as time goes by. The first year was the most difficult. My h is not the same person that he use to be either. He use to be the most caring family man, but he was always a workaholic and wasn't home much. Do you think he is having affair?
I am trying to take care of myself Eric...slowing down..
Rysmom - my h was diagnosed with sexual addiction/compulsivity. When he left he was relapsing. Now he his "dating" a bartender from a rough part of town. I think he believes the life-wife=happiness and now he is cured because he is perhaps dating just one person rather than the randoms.
He feels that I only gave him "lip service" in terms of supporting his desire to work 12-14 hour days. He is probably right...I was always trying to get us to have balance in our lives. He was a division I athlete in college and had that excessive work ethic necessary to reach that level. His brain still works that way and rarely does anyone meet that level or standard.
I woke up this morning thinking that maybe God was trying to protect me and the kids by having him leave. Maybe God thinks we deserve better than that life.
I am joining a gym tomorrow and signing up with a personal trainer. It is time.
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
I woke up this morning thinking that maybe God was trying to protect me and the kids by having him leave. Maybe God thinks we deserve better than that life.
Irish....
God does want us to lead happy and fulfilled lives....
God also gives us the ability to fulfill ourselves, from within.
When you change your focus, you change YOUR results.
I started changing when my prayers started getting more focused on me....
Originally Posted By: irishblessings
I am joining a gym tomorrow and signing up with a personal trainer. It is time.
It is very heartbreaking being married to any kind of addict. My h use to drink a lot but after he gave up alcohol15 yrs ago he replaced it with shopping, and pornography lately. He owns a very successful company but blows every cent that he makes, he never has enough. I guess that is why I wasn't enough. I also thought that my h was not a good example for my teenage son and maybe this gods plan until my h gets saved. He would watch innapropriate programs when my son was around and he had a picture of the devil custom painted on his motorcycle. i really think he has totally gone to the dark side.
That's a great idea to join a gym. I run 3 miles everyday with my dogs and I have a new friend that I play tennis with a couple of times a week. Just keep busy and stay close to God and take care of you and your kids. Try not to think about the craziness of WAS. Don't let their addictions cause chaos for you and your kids.You didn't cause it and you can't cure it. I try to let go and let god. Make sure to try to eat healthy and get plenty of sleep too. I went and played tennis tonight and it made me feel a lot better being around good people.
