A new beginning to an end

[antlers]

People who haven't been through this have NO idea what it's like.
I don't think I will do dinner again w/ anyone until my D is final. I went home and crawled into bed and thought about what I used to have and what I don't now and it made me sad.

Nope. Agree completely with your 1st sentence.
I'm not doin' anything remotely romantic with anyone until my D is final either.
Yep, I can relate to your last sentence too...but, Gypsy reminds us to "water the seeds, not the weeds"!

[ClingingToHope]

It's all a part of the process. I am looking forward to going out to dinner again, and movies, and all of it because STBXW hadn't had that kind of relationship for the three years prior to the separation.

Really, our 10th anniversary trip to Las Vegas was the end of that. We were there four nights and she spent the first three at the end smoking a cigarette (she'd started up again) and staring out the window at the Bellagio (I went all out) water display.

And I laid in bed wondering what she was thinking about. She was a million miles away during that trip.

Two weeks ago, I had the strange feeling like I was in high school again when I asked two women out for a big event. It hurt when neither could go. But it was a little exciting to just ponder the possibilities.

[antlers]

Two weeks ago, I had the strange feeling like I was in high school again when I asked two women out for a big event. It hurt when neither could go. But it was a little exciting to just ponder the possibilities.

I've been told by others that they look at rejection in the dating world as a scratch. When you sustain a scratch you wash it off, maybe put some medicine on it, and get back in the game. You don't even think about it anymore.
Sounds like a pretty good analogy...and a healthier way to look at it!
I'm just sayin'...

[sandycay]

What are you studying?

[soleil]

I am annoyed today. I am tired of waking up most days w/ a damn migraine and thinking about how he doesn't want this M. F that! I am tired of caring about a man who obviously doesn't give a damn about me! I am so tired of feeling this awful feeling and longing for someone who can so easily walk away from me and then act like it's cool to be seeing eachother after we D with and having tons of naked looking girls on his online profiles, that his own family sees -- Did I never mean anything to this fool???? Looking back I see this is what he wanted the entire time. It's not good to mindread but my bet is this f-cker has had someone on the side for a long time now. Maybe his new piece will give him herpes! He wouldn't even get tested after he told me he f-cked that girl! I hate that he makes me feel old, like I lost the best years of my life with him, all my damn 20s, on someone who could so easily walk away and bang a 23 year old! I guess I got too old for him!

I AM TIRED OF CARING ABOUT SOMEONE WHO DOES NOT CARE ABOUT ME!!!

I pray each day for the Lord to take away this awful feeling I have, for the day I won't remember his stupid ass, for the day I won't think of his face/name/any memory of him. I dont want to think about HIM and yet this post is about all him. LOL.

I wish so bad this D could be declared OVER. I want out. I want nothing to do with him anymore. It's like a black damn cloud hanging over my head. Screw him!

It turns my stomach how calculated he was--at first saying we could talk about where our R was going only AFTER I signed the house to him an the legal sep. documents then how in one week, he told me if I didn't sign his damn greencard he'd file for divorce (which I signed for him and he filed anyway) AND we scheduled marriage counselling in the same week. That is SO seriously f*cked up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I hate this man, who he is now, and

I
AM
SICK
oF
THIS
BULLSHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He lied about loving me and making a life with me and how badly he wanted to get married, always wanted to get married, from the beginning when I was thinking, WTH? Wow. He is serious! He would always say "Sol, I hope you are taking our R very seriously...cause I am... I want a life with you." F-CKING LIAR!!!!!!!!

I will never trust anyone again like that. Never.

Sorry but I really needed to vent.

::Fixing my hair after screaming rant on DB and straightening out my skirt::

I will come back and respond to you all in a bit before I throw this keyboard out the damn window.

Well on the brightside, it appears I am hitting the anger stage

[soleil]

Hi everyone.

So you know what I keep thinking about? The day after we went to court when he called me saying how sad he was and how I told him not to call me again. I keep wondering if that was mean of me. Opinions? Would it have changed anything?

Hey sol sister, ain't that Mr. Mister on the radio, stereo, the way you move ain't fair, you know!
Hey sol sister, I don't want to miss a single thing you do...tonight

I do So(l) love that song It always reminds me of my niece. She thinks it's amazing.

Really, our 10th anniversary trip to Las Vegas was the end of that. And I laid in bed wondering what she was thinking about. She was a million miles away during that trip.

I can relate to that. We went overseas in July during wed. anniversary and I remember watching him in the ocean and thinking, "This is so f-cked up." When we had sex I was thinking about him being with her. Yuck.

[ClingingToHope]

I've told STBXW not to call unless it's something about the girls that has to be taken care of that day.

IMO, you handled the call after court just fine. He was just looking for you to make it easy on him.

After our second mediation session we were walking to the car and STBXW said "I know this isn't what you want. I'm sorry." I took a step towards her and I stopped myself and didn't say a word. She said "I'm sorry" again and I turned and walked to the car.

I think she was looking for me to say something like "it's OK" or to give her a hug ... something to ease her guilt.

I know I can't carry around the hurt and anger forever. Read the lyrics to Don Henley's "Heart of the Matter." I have to get to forgiveness someday.

But someday is a long way off. Right now, I have to survive and thrive and hopefully along the way I'll reach forgiveness.

[sandycay]

Sol~ it wouldn't have changed a thing except keep on giving you bread crumbs and it causes you to not move on with your life in a healthy way.

[soleil]

After our second mediation session we were walking to the car and STBXW said "I know this isn't what you want. I'm sorry." I took a step towards her and I stopped myself and didn't say a word. She said "I'm sorry" again and I turned and walked to the car.

I remember you posting this on your own thread and it is a story that has always haunted me. ((CTH))

Sol~ it wouldn't have changed a thing except keep on giving you bread crumbs and it causes you to not move on with your life in a healthy way.

Ya you are probably right. Sometimes it's good to hear it from a 3rd party. What more could I do right? I asked if there was anything else that could be done and said I didn't want D. No regrets, right? Eh, I vacillate too much. Oh and I'm studying
n ursing, btw.

Well the last time I went on FB (last time, promise) I noticed that girl I suspect is the one who he slept with has a boyf (which he said she did at the time she f-cked him). Anyway stbx said the incident happened on a night he randomly met her in Dec and I noticed they've been friends since about Nov-ish or before. And she is also friends with his good friend (the one who's house they all f-cked at). I don't know if she's the girl but my BS meter is going off.

Sigh. I wonder when I will be over this. I wonder if his sleeping with someone else is going to affect any future relationship I have. I hate to admit but I feel insecure in a way after learning of what he told me. I don't know why he told me since he wanted a D anyway. Why tell me? It was like the last twist of the knife in my heart.

He said he would never be happy (while telling me he wants a D). That makes no sense. WTF does that mean? Reminds me of that Sheryl Crowe song.. If it makes you happy--it can't be that bad..... I feel like I wasted so much time on someone who could just cut strings and walk away like we never even happened. A small blip on his journey to wherever he is going...It pains me to think I meant so little to him.

[soleil]

My nwe thought of the day.. My D sitch is that he wants me to sign the house over to him and for me to keep some furniture (which is already in my possession). I told him I would sign the house if we could agree to a settlement. Well, he balked at this. He says it's ridiculous for me to want $ from him (though he makes substantially more). We went to court in Sept. - he filed a motion to try to get me to pay half the mortgage and if not, I could sign the house over to him and I showed up with my L and he postponed the hearing until next month.

I am thinking a new strategy for me could be to tell him either we settle of we can sell the house. What do you guys think?

I found that house. He knew nothing of it. I helped fix it up, make it ours and he moved his family in w/o telling me, charged them rent & never gave me a dime for the extra expenses of his fam. living there. It really dings me thinking he could be doing all this to move some new chick in to benefit from everything we worked so harhd for together.

So what do you guys think of my new idea of asking him to either settle with me or sell the house when we go to court in NOv?

Citygirl, if you are out there, I'd love to hear from you!