Why is she going to Co then? She txted me saying she had to cancel Tuesday. I told her I would take tuesday and she can go Thursday when I was to go and I sent her the Co #. Than she promised she would not be "with" the guy till we figure it out. That the party is in 2 weeks and she has not seen him in 2 weeks and is out of town with the ladies(this was planned awhile) this weekend. That she is not inviting him as her date for the wedding Nov 27th.
An excellent question for her, indeed. Ask her why she is going if she still is talking to him. She says she hasn't seen him but she has also told you they are in contact still and he's doing this party for her son.
I wouldn't even put CO on the table til she lets OM go 100%.
She said she is going so she can figure out why she detached from me. Claimed she will but she is quite messed up.. I think she is losing it. Her job is over whelming her right now, getting some new accounts and stuff. Between us and her job her head must be spinning!!
Geez she just *snip*. She is *snip*. Will she *snip*? Says she wants *snip*.
Spinfree, I try to look at her this way. She had *snip*. She has never *snip* because she moved *snip*. I can't really blame her *snip*. She is *snip*.
I didn't ask/comment on HER at all. She doesn't matter. What do YOU want? If YOU want to live separately, fine. If YOU want a wife that lives with you and loves your sons as much as a stepmother can, MOVE ON.
She has laid out what she wants. Do the same.
What are YOUR conditions for reconciliation? Set your personal boundaries and enforce them. SpinFree
I never wanted a mom for my kids. They have a mom. I don't need someone to cook for me, clean for me, do my laundry. I have been doing that for years. What I do need is a companion I can trust and spend time with and loves me. I don't need and never had a live in GF. I want my W, lving with or not.She must be open and honest about her doings and drop her boorish behaviour.
I have my weekends free most times as boys are with mom on weekends. It was great spending them with her.
me-48 W-38 M-9yrs No kids together Seperated 1 time before
PS. I want the passion back that we had when we did live sepearte.
Out of respect for my wife and her health, and a failure to see how this is any of your business, or how mine or my wife's behavior could have any affect on Rondo's success in life, I don't understand the point of your question in context to this thread.
There is no argument. The fact still remains : when a woman (or a man) is telling you they need space, time to live apart, have to find themselves and explore their feelings in a bar or with other people. They are not committed to you. I can understand how when your heart is broken you may want to cling to any hope that this is not happening or that their words have other meanings, but truth be told when they are not sexually exclusive to you, they are not sexually exclusive to you. (or emotionally for that matter).
How life got to this point is a whole other concern and you can read about and discuss "healthy boundaries" and "love languages." You can talk and type about how you wish things were the way they were when you just met. But all of that will do very little to resolve your marital problems. If your spouse is cheating on you and you fail to act on it your lack of action conveys that their behavior is permissable to you. It will continue until they are forced to make a decision.
How life got to this point is a whole other concern and you can read about and discuss "healthy boundaries"
Quote:
If your spouse is cheating on you and you fail to act on it your lack of action conveys that their behavior is permissable to you.
Minor point: if it is not permissable to you (you don't want a spouse to cheat on you-and why would you?), then that is a healthy boundary.
What you are unfortunately being asked to do is debate whether or not it's a good idea to enforce a very healthy boundary. You will never win this argument with somebody who is willfully codependent.
The very fact that they made this personal rather than dealing with the advice at all should tip you off.
Last edited by TimeHeals; 10/14/1008:08 PM.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
You guys were right. I put my foot down and got results fast. She called and said she did not want to loose the progress we have made communicating this week.
Story goes when she met OG last month he pretty quick offered her S a bachlor party. Her S wants one as he is 20 and his friends are young so he is pressuring W to hang with it 2 more weeks. W said she has not talked to guy recently and has seen him 2 weeks ago no sex. She says in 2 weeks she will "clean her plate of him" and has no interest in a relationship.
We will continue Co and she also wants us to start dating in 2 weeks. Says its not fair to me to get in her mess. I asked if she was afraid of what guy will do since he knows where she lives when she dumps him? She said she did not think so but was not sure so I offered her my pistola and she said she would take it.
She wants us to start slow (me too she needs to get tested) and I again stressed that she needs to address her infidelity and she said yes to all. We will start dating in November and seeing Co to talk relationship to get all the dead wood out of the way.
Now thats today. But I feel stronger than yesterday.
She is scared of us losing communication and also scared she won't feel the same about me because she closed up for so long. I told her I'm scared to open myself to her. We agreed that we have to do this to see if its salvageable. May be either one of us won't want it anymore or both.
