Just curious, how do you feel when he contacts you? I mean honestly, do you get the warm fuzzies....do you still think that deep down he still loves you? Is that what you are hoping for? I ask because you always seem to answer his calls or texts even when the kids are with you....do you ever let it go to voicemail or even shut off your phone. it sounds like you may need a rest from that cell phone...he sure affects you regardless of what he says or writes.
Good question John...I need to really think about how it affects my emotions. The weird part is sometimes it really hurts (he texted me Sat while I was at wedding #2 to tell me Stephanie was at the farm with him...why??). Then sometimes, not at all. Like the 11 texts on Monday. I just sort of shook my head at his delusions of reality...
I do let them go to vm if I am at work, working out, in the yard, etc. But you are right, if I am 'available' and he calls, I pretty much always answer.
We shall see what my IC thinks about this. She already suggested I not contact him unless it is serious/urgent or kid related. Which is fine. However that does not address what to do if HE is the one contacting ME...
You say "please only contact me when there is something urgent, I'm quite busy and don't always have time to reply nor do I feel right about not doing so, so please respect my request. I will do the same for you" ...just thinking out loud! By multi texting over and over to you he is not respecting your space or your status, it's almost like he's keeping his turf staked. How do you keep someone out of your head when they are texting you continually often for no real reason? He's making it difficult for you to move on.
Yep, he's taking up time and energy (mental & emotional). Plus he doesn't respect you. Love yourself enougth to set a good healthy boundaries - where he stops and you start. Things will get worse when stress enters into the equation, if it isn't healthy now imagine big family events.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
<<We shall see what my IC thinks about this. She already suggested I not contact him unless it is serious/urgent or kid related. Which is fine. However that does not address what to do if HE is the one contacting ME...>>
BBJ, I don't think you need an IC to tell you what to do....I agree with the folks above. But it does not really matter if YOU do not think that turning your phone off is the right thing to do. Come on, 11 texts in one day????? I wonder if any of those were urgent and I wonder how many of those 11 you actually answered. You can't continue to complain about his actions if you continue to (inadvertantly) fuel them. Actually you can continue to complain...I / we get a laugh out of some of his antics, however, how does all this stuff affect YOU BBJ? You should be able to answer thsoe questions all by yourself without an IC. If the answer is I "enjoy" the contact, than keep doing it. If it bothers you, put an end to it. NGF did say I was black or white nothing in between...LOL...she may be right.
I think seeing the IC is a personal thing and that BobbiJo gets satisfaction from it.
It is similar to me seeing my golf intructor every other week or so. I always enjoy our hour together even though I have now realized that my destiny is not with the PGA tour. I look at it as kind of like getting minor repairs on my vehicle when it starts to run bad. And this human operating my golf clubs does get out of tune easily.
John, that's part of my problem. How I feel about it depends on the day! I wish I was black and white but sometimes I think I am some weird spin-art picture, with black, white, and swirls of gray...
Sometimes I don't feel like dealing with him so I ignore the phone. But other times I just feel like ignoring him is back to game playing/plotting/strategizing, and I am just tired of all that! Granted, I do ignore my mom's phone calls some times and I am definitely not DB-ing her, so I suppose it isn't always game-playing to ignore phone calls.
The 11 texts were all his tirade about thinking his alimony check was going to bounce. They were all spew. In response to all 11 I sent a single text, "Yes I agree you seem miserable and the kids hate that" or something like that. Agree and they go away, I have heard. And he did not send a single text after that.
You are right, I do not need the IC to tell me how I feel. the problem is I guess I am all over the place. Some days he can text something and I feel kicked in the gut. Other times he can send a nasty gram and I am amused, other times, unmoved. I suppose if it bothered me every time I would just ignore all his calls. But part of me has felt that being able to 'take it' shows progress, that I don't have to 'hide' from him.
I know I don't make sense. But I am being honest with you guys here...it's the one place I know I can be open.
And John, I do not get warm fuzzies from his messages. Saying I can go to hell or saying he hates women, those things do not feel me with any sense that we are just bound to reconcile...
However again if all cards are being placed on the table, so to speak, I recognize that there is a part of me who takes a small measure of satisfaction in him texting me, calling me, etc because it means that he still finds himself connected to me even as he is saying he has no connection. Yes, I know it is sad. And it is only a small part of me, a part that continues to shrink over time. But, like I said, I want to be honest with you guys and with myself.
Kerry, you are right, I really enjoy IC. I enjoyed MC too. I am weird that way I guess. I like talking things through. Problem with MC is, if you both aren't solution-focused and willing to look for the positives, it is bound to fail. With IC, I only have to be willing to do my part and the IC can guide me...no third party to have to navigate.
BBJ, sorry to hijack and change the subject, but I think I just trumped your kissing = throw up Match.com guy...
Seriously, one Sunday evening a few weeks ago I was bored and lonely and made a profile. There was one very attractive man that I winked at, but by morning I had talked my self into deleting my profile, cuz I know I am not ready to be dating...
only when I logged on this guy had already sent me a message.
Long story short we have been chatting for a couple of weeks, but a few things have bothered me from the beginning... now I am convinced I snagged a real life Nigerian scam artist!
Doesn't it just figure the first interest I have shown a member of the opposite sex in 25 years and this is what I get
Me 54 DS19 and DS17 Married 06/1989 Divorced 01/2011
Long story short we have been chatting for a couple of weeks, but a few things have bothered me from the beginning... now I am convinced I snagged a real life Nigerian scam artist!
