We Fall Down, We Get Up

[ImprovedRomeo]

What a pansy!

King Julian: Welcome giant pansies. Feel free to bask in my glow
King Julian: Where are you giants from?
Alex the lion: We're from New York
King Julian: All hail the New York Giants!

Sorry I had to.

[mishka422]

LOL! Good one!

[BobbiJo]

Oh man, you guys are hilarious!

Very nice evening, Sydney had dance, then we went to see my parents and have dinner at their house. Played some games with the kids. Nathan spent the night, Sydney came home with me.

Only weird part? Sydney had called and left a vm telling Dan goodnight on our way home...got home and he had called here before that to say goodnight, said he'd be out loading corn at the farm and may not hear the phone.

So then he texts back about 20 min after Sydney called him, asking where Nathan was (I assume since he was not on the vm) and if Sydney was awake. I replied back no, Sydney asleep and Nathan at my parents'.

End of story, right?

However about fifteen minutes later he called. I answered and he just started chatting w/me about Nathan being at my parents, then chit chat about Sydney and dance and things. Wtf? He has not called after kids are in bed, to talk to me, in over a year that I can think of.

Well then he asked me to hold on for a second, and got back on a minute later (I don't care I was folding laundry anyway). He said he had to go he had to fix something I said ok bye. Cause he didn't seem to want anything anyway...

Then ten minutes later he called again...because he had such important information to cover?? Sure he did. Chatted about kids and school pictures and stuff. After a few minutes he paused and I just said, "Ok, sounds good. Have a good night." And got off the phone. Random.

OK time to watch my DVR-ed GLEE and fold the rest of the laundry. For only 3 of us we sure seem to go through clothes!

Looking forward to tomorrow, I have my IC after school (I go every two weeks now) then church youth group, then work on a class project.

[ClingingToHope]

You handle this stuff better than I do. I would not have answered the telephone because if I have the kids and they are asleep it can't be something that couldn't be handled by email or text.

I just read that text exchange. Wow.

[BobbiJo]

Well, it wasn't exactly an exchange. More of a purge of bile from him. I did not take it personally. He is mad at the world, but I am the most convenient target. I was not about to engage in that kind of crap.

I could have ignored the call. I was actually anticipating it would be him b!tching that I let Nathan sleep over on a school night...I wouldn't have cared if he was mad. He left the kids w/his mom Sunday night (well he took them home w/him and then she came in at 8 p.m.) so he could go out with cattle partner Charlie. I am guessing he blew some cash on "impress-people-dinners" over the weekend and that is part of why he is strapped...

[BobbiJo]

Wow. Think I figured out what to talk about with my IC today....how it was that I allowed him/allowed myself to have a chatty convo 24 hours after he was (once again) a total ass to me.

Initially I was thinking it just shows I am finally able to detach. I honestly felt like I was watching our situation from the outside this week...I didn't let it bother me that he had such a tantrum yesterday. I bounced back from his bringing her up here over the weekend in a matter of a couple of hours, not days. So I thought that was progress.

Now I wonder if it just means there is something wrong with me?

[BeginningAgain]

I don't think there is anything necessarily wrong with you. I tend to do the same thing with my STBXW. She can be a really a** sometimes and then the next day is all nice like nothing ever happened. I could take the approach of blowing her off and not responding to her because she was such an a** but that would only cause her to lash out more frequently and keep the drama going. Instead I let her "crap" roll off my back like a duck and try to not let it affect me. Of course maybe there's something wrong with me too! :-)

BA

[BobbiJo]

Thanks for the feedback! Glad to know it isn't just me. This goes back, forever really. I can remember when we were married in "good" times, and he would do some little thing that irritated me. A couple hours later we would be in the car (road trips were a favorite thing, esp Sunday afternoon drives)...we would be chatting and I would think, "Hey, I was going to be mad at you!" And yet, I would already be 'over' it.

I just wasn't sure if getting over things so quickly is a good thing or not. I mean no, I don't want to hold grudges, but I have always had the attention span of a gnat when it comes to being mad at people. So I guess it is ok if I just let it go. I figure, why waste my time being angry?

[john210]

Hey BBJ,

Just curious, how do you feel when he contacts you? I mean honestly, do you get the warm fuzzies....do you still think that deep down he still loves you? Is that what you are hoping for?
I ask because you always seem to answer his calls or texts even when the kids are with you....do you ever let it go to voicemail or even shut off your phone. it sounds like you may need a rest from that cell phone...he sure affects you regardless of what he says or writes.

[ClingingToHope]

John, that's part of the reason I avoid those calls. I remember last year when we'd have those conversations and they were like sooo many we had when we were together ... and I'd start thinking 'why can't it work again.'

It seems words on a screen or on a phone doesn't have that affect for me.

BBJ, your ability to not stay mad at people is a true gift. I remember reading once that a key problem in many marriages is that one spouse or both spouses "keep score." They remember every little thing someone did wrong, file it away, let it build and then hammer the spouse with it.

I kept score in some ways and not in others. STBXW religiously kept score. At our one marriage counseling session, she mentioned something that made her mad on our fifth date.

Really? I can't remember what our fifth date was. I remember the first two and the first time we were together, but STBXW is like her mom -- an elephant who never forgets.