My sitch, Married 10 yrs W walked out labor day, moved 9/11 No kids togher OM involved
Well, it seems W really miss's me. I have been doing 180's, no contact and she got drawn back in. Another 2 hr convo last night. Bottem line she hated where we lived. In the sticks, family oriented neiborhood. She felt isolated. Was a long commute to her office as she did work out of the house and felt that being isolated all day with me under foot " I am a sevice tech and have alot of down time" Led to us getting disconnected. She is not sleeping with OG anymore and agreed that she must cut contact for us.
Is still going to Co to explore her feelings. she wants to go back to us being married but living seperately. She had a son young and wants to be kid free which I am not I have custody of my 2 sons. She wants her freedom during the week which we did for 3 yrs before we moved in together. I must admit I miss her sorely but when we lived apart the anticipation of seeing her was much greater. She says she missed that passsion. Wants to talk to me all the time, can't sleep because she thinks of me and us.
Hi Rondo. It's been a long time. Too bad we couldn't have reconnected under better circumstances. But a little birdie told me of your sitch, I want to come back and give you some support.
I will let your rhetorical questions go as you do know the answers. But you know the drill. You were here a long time ago and understood everything so well. So stick to the basics. At this point, you really have to let your wife get her head together. I wouldn't get into thinking of 180s and no contact. Rather, all you can do at this time is take care of your business. And don't think too much.
From what you are saying you already have a pretty good clue what is going on. Like she said she wants to be married but wants to live separately. It was a good arrangement before so it may be the best arrangement at the current time.
Don't let your brain get in the way. And try not to get too cuaght up in the pain others are experiencing. Hey, that sounds a lot like detaching.
Hey IMP!! Thanks man I needed that! I have to remember that she does need to get it together and even thogh I see some signs that I have to let her drive the bus for awhile. She needs to figure it out and I need to stop talking so much. I need to give her space to sort it out. I want it to happen quicker but it won't and I have to remember that. It took time to get here, it will take time to sort it out and for her feelings to catch up with her head..
How are you? Have not seen you in a long time. I live in J-ville now..
It would be time for me and my kids to cut the line and move on. If my wife told me that she wanted to be kid-free, I would do everything I could to arrange that.
Lay it out and let her know what her options are. (I am willing to... the conditions are...) Then detach and move forward.
Rondo, After having been on here years ago and running into it again, one would think that you would know better than to let her pull this stuff on you again..
When a woman really loves you they don't tell you they need time, don't tell you they want to live seperately, don't tell you they want to explore their feelings. Etc. etc. etc... I know you should know better after all this time.. All that is woman "code" for I want to keep you in the wings while I pursue someone else that I am not sure wants me.
I don't know what it is for so many men on this site to fail to be able to say to a wayward woman who has had sex with another man.... "UNACCEPTABLE... That is unacceptable to me. If you want to live alone, fine by me, but you can NOT have me too. That isn't what I am looking for".
The man who can say that is the one who stands the best chance to SAVE his relationship. If not you may be here again for a third time someday. She is using you to see if you will allow her to have her cake and eat it too. Looks like you are ok with that.
hey Soleil, No she has 1 bedroom apt that is small for her and the 2 dogs. The Co asked her 2 weeks ago when she was last there if she was still seeing him and she was. Now she says she is not dating and has pretty much filled me in on what she has been doing. I asked her directly if she was still seeing him at Co suggestion and she said "I am not dating". Told me she will get tested and loose his number if we work things out. She has been pretty open about her feelins!!
Hey Gucci, She is going to Co and says she loves me but she also messed up. Even asked me why I would want her in my life?
I did tell her what she did was unacceptable and will not be tolerated but when it comes to her I am weak. She is trying hard and was very honest with the Co, he says she is lost and if I can be a friend to her that she might snap out of it.
So I don't know what to do. She said she was drunk with this guy when she did sleep with him. Its no excuse but at least it was not "involved"?
She is making all the moves and wants to go to Co. Its very confusing for me.
Geez she just called me again and told me she passed tha tatoo parlor we got inked at. She is traveling the next days on buisness and will be at a girls weekend till sundat that she had planned. Will she call me the whole time? Says she wants to talk to me.
Spinfree, I try to look at her this way. She had a kid at 17, he is 20 and has a kid and lives with his GF. She has never had any freedom because she moved right in with my 2 sons 15 and 13. I can't really blame her for wanting to spread her wings. She is out for a year for sure. It will take me that long to detach from her I'm sure. But before we moved in together we did live seperate and saw each other on weekends and some nights. It was exciting to see each other. Sex was great. After 3 years here we got into a rut. Took each other for granted and she disconnected. All culminated labor day weekend when she got drunk, hooked up, made a drunk decision to move out. a month later she says it was stupid and crazy and has cried to me on several occasions about the pain she has from hurting me. Does not want to hurt me again so she is seeing Co.
