I have changed, Coach. It's not an overnight process even when you realize there are things about yourself that you need to change.
I can't help feeling (there's that word again) that filing myself would mean that I am taking the easy way out. While there is no excuse for an affair, she didn't bail on me while I wasn't the perfect H. I know I have read where Greek said something to the effect of her doing what she did made you become the person you are today. (Forgive me if I am way off, here.)
I am okay if she leaves. I will fight for equal time with my kids. I think I am letting go and showing her the person that I want to be, even if it's a little at a time.
I keep going back to putting up with CB. It's amazing, after years of doing it and not wanting to make her mad, that calling her on it, even with our M in the state that it's in, diffuses things instead of making them worse.
I still don't know when I became afraid of standing up for myself. Sometime after the twins were born and things were overwhelming for both of us would be my guess. I knew she was tired and emotionally drained and I wanted to show her I could carry my weight around the house and with two, new little babies.
After that, I guess I never thought to get my ba!!s back out of her purse.
I still don't know when I became afraid of standing up for myself. Sometime after the twins were born and things were overwhelming for both of us would be my guess. I knew she was tired and emotionally drained and I wanted to show her I could carry my weight around the house and with two, new little babies.
After that, I guess I never thought to get my ba!!s back out of her purse.
How pathetic.
I hear you there buddy. I was just trying to do what I THOUGHT would make her happy. BACKFIRE!!!
Well, we'll see how it goes now.
Here is another quote from Gucci that we need to remember.
Originally Posted By: gucci loafer
Moral of the story..
Do NOT take them back UNTIL or IF they can PROVE to you over time that it will NOT happen again, that they are truly sorry, and what will happen if they DO let it happen again...
Do NOT take them back UNTIL you have fully forgiven them and UNTIL you KNOW that you can move on from it.
Reconciling for the wrong reasons or too soon is a recipe for disaster. Do your homework and make them do their homework.
A little bit of good news: The home across from my parents is available. The deal with the other buyers fell through. It is almost 2500 sq. ft. and would be big enough for us. The asking price is in the low 40's and has been vacant for a couple of years. It will need a lot of work. I have friends and relatives who are carpenters and I can hold my own with repairs. The only cost would be materials. The realtor said as long as it's been sitting, to go ahead and make a lower offer.
Going to look at it this Sat. We'll see what happens. I don't want this to happen, but at least I know I will have somewhere to go that I can afford and there will be enough room for all of us.
Kind of excited despite what I am still facing. Feels good to have one less thing to worry about. As long as it's not a money pit.
I get that you have special needs with two small kids and being a single dad and all.
It's just that... man, as much as I like my parents, I'd like them to be far enough away that they will probably call before they come over
Ha - I know what you mean. I will need some help for a while. The twins are 10 and not able to take care of themselves, yet. This whole thing sucks. I don't want to have to rely on my parents for any of this, yet I know, at times, I will have to.
Just trying to do the best with the hand I've been dealt.
Ahhhh, I think it will be OK living across from your parents. Especially if it is just you and the kids! Sounds like it will be a good place even if it needs some work. Don't look a gift horse in the mouth.
You are handy enough to fix it up. You may even be able to build some sweat equity! Do what you gotta do. This sounds like a good opportunity to get your life moving on. Take advantage of it.
Ahhhh, I think it will be OK living across from your parents. Especially if it is just you and the kids! Sounds like it will be a good place even if it needs some work. Don't look a gift horse in the mouth.
You are handy enough to fix it up. You may even be able to build some sweat equity! Do what you gotta do. This sounds like a good opportunity to get your life moving on. Take advantage of it.
Gotta run. Keep us posted.
Thanks, Dan!
It's far from ideal, but so is the rest of this mess.
This opportunity simply takes away some of the anxiety of having somewhere to go. I will have a little farther drive for work, which is an acceptable trade off. I can afford this even if I have to pay too much in CS.
And, with less anxiety, maybe I can DB more effectively.
The twins BBall game went great last night. Both did very well, again. I found myself remembering playing ball when I was that age. It doesn't seem like all that long ago. It is really great to see them out there having fun and learning and doing well.
At halftime of the game, I was out in the hallway with S4 and D7 and one of the teachers came up and was talking. She talked to the kids and was saying how well D7 was doing in school and how cute S4 was and how she couldn't wait for him to start school next year. The game was about to start and the hall cleared out and she called me back. She simply said if I ever needed anything, to let her know. There are many people here at the school that have my back and she was pretty sure that the super wouldn't be back next year. I didn't really know what to say. I asked if I could call her and meet sometime and talk. She said anytime. I will take her up on her offer. Part of getting my ducks in a row.
W pushed my buttons this morning. We were all eating b'fast and she had the kids' lunch boxes out and had started making lunches. She stopped to eat. My oatmeal and bagel weren't done yet so I just picked up where she left off and was finishing sandwiches. I asked one of the twins if he wanted mustard or whatever and W said, very snotty, "I'll get that when I'm done. Sit down and eat, I will take care of the lunches." I did not yell, but I did raise my voice for a second and recovered pretty quickly. "My stuff isn't ready yet. I can finish up the lunches, thanks." And I did. It really pissed her off. Why?
I get done eating and D is ready to get dressed. I'm in her room with her picking out clothes and W comes in. "Can I help or are you going to yell at me, again?" I said I didn't yell, I was just helping. "Yes you did and S10 started crying." I said, "Really? I guess I will ask him what's wrong." So I called him into the hall. I can hear her mumbling something about getting the kids involved..... I asked him if he had been crying. He said, no, why? I asked if he heard Dad yell, and again he said no. I gave him a hug and told him I was just checking and to go get ready. I did not get into specifics with him and let it go.
I know I didn't handle it perfect, but I think I recovered. You walk around with all this info in your head and still get caught off guard. My God, why would she take to lying about the kids action or reaction to me? I know she lies about what people say at school to them and how often, so it shouldn't surprise me. It did so hopefully I will be prepared the next time.
I asked if I could call her and meet sometime and talk. She said anytime. I will take her up on her offer.
Nice! Glad to see there is still comething alive in there after all!
Originally Posted By: idontunderstand
W pushed my buttons this morning. We were all eating b'fast and she had the kids' lunch boxes out and had started making lunches. She stopped to eat. My oatmeal and bagel weren't done yet so I just picked up where she left off and was finishing sandwiches. I asked one of the twins if he wanted mustard or whatever and W said, very snotty, "I'll get that when I'm done. Sit down and eat, I will take care of the lunches." I did not yell, but I did raise my voice for a second and recovered pretty quickly. "My stuff isn't ready yet. I can finish up the lunches, thanks." And I did. It really pissed her off. Why?
I basically got the same when I started doing my 180's on housecleaning. I asked another woman about this and she said that it would make her feel like she wasn't holding-up her end of the bargain or doing what she needed to do to contribute. I don't get it. They ask for help and then are mad when you give it? Maybe she just needs to prove that she is capable or it makes her feel independent or something.
Originally Posted By: idontunderstand
My God, why would she take to lying about the kids action or reaction to me?
Probably trying to justify her actions in her own head?
