Yes, totally agree with DanceQueen re: above. This was a mistake I made early on to not really own/admit that what I did truly was an affair. It invalidates your spouse's feelings and hurt, which is as bad as the affair itself.
And if you have minimized in any way or tried to act like it was a "lesser" affair when talking about things with your H, then you have not truly taken full responsibility for your bad actions and for his real pain. In case you have minimized it, I am not saying you should raise this issue with him now, BUT if he chooses to raise it with you that you take the opportunity to really own what you have done and not try to minimize it. To apologize for how you have hurt him. Period.
This is good advice. We haven't ever talked about what I've done. He just knows what he knows and made a decision that way. IF I ever get a chance to talk to him about it I will put this advice to good use.
Letting go is hard, but I've not contacted him in any way since I last spoke to him on September 26th. I've made arrangements to live with a friend. I'll be sleeping there starting midweek. I will move the rest of my stuff out of the house a little at a time. I haven't started packing yet. I'm completely overwhelmed by what lies ahead. My emotions are keeping me from making much progress at all. I haven't even finished the paperwork my attorney needs. Need to finish that today. I think I will start keeping a mood journal.
He will be angry that I'm not leaving town. He said his generous offer in the settlement only stands if I move away. I guess we will see what happens. I'm not trying to make him angrier. But I'm also not ready to move 1500 miles away because he's angry. I have friends here, a job, and a place to live that I can afford. I feel as though he is trying to punish me. That's fine, I deserve to be punished. I will take my medicine, get out of his life, etc., but I don't have to like it, do I?
His wants and needs need to take a backseat to your own needs. You can't even begin to worry about how he'll react to things you do. One, it's mindreading, and two, you need to do what you need to do.
His wants and needs need to take a backseat to your own needs. You can't even begin to worry about how he'll react to things you do. One, it's mindreading, and two, you need to do what you need to do.
I know exactly what you're saying, but he's been telling mutual friends that I just need to move away, and an email that he sent me stated that his "offer" stands only if I move away, so I think it's less mind-reading, and more expectations based on what I've heard from him, etc. But yes, I need to take care of me first and not worry about how he reacts. You are right about that. It's just hard to change my mindset. I've loved cared about this man for 8 years, and yes, I made some very big mistakes as of late, but it's hard to stop caring about how he feels.
He said his generous offer in the settlement only stands if I move away.
What does your L say? You control yourself.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
He said his generous offer in the settlement only stands if I move away.
What does your L say? You control yourself.
My L says his offer isn't that generous and he can't tell me where to live.
So that is the reality. What are you doing for you today?
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Make some goals. Then come up with a plan. Then get busy.
- mental
- emotional
- physical
- spiritual
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
