You are doing so much better than you give yourself credit for
And hey, I'm a mom too ... it's very easy to get caught up in the role, but we need to remember that we are women first, and the best way to take care of the ones we love, is to take care of ourselves.
Do you you Irish ... something nice, something just for you ...
Peace PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
So last week I had a much better week. Found out that H does indeed have OW. In some ways it was almost a relief - I was able to detach a little more. This week - not so much. Knowing the complete 180 his life has taken - hanging in a biker bar, etc. - is again devastating to me. I don't want these things to get to me - but I feel overwhelmed with "standing". Today I thought about this: I am not "physically" married right now I am not "emotionally" married right now I am not "financially" married right now I am "spiritually" married right now and I am "legally" married right now. My way of living is FAR removed from his. Is it still possible to stand this way? Who / what am I right now?
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
Just remember that the OW IS a symptom on the problem and NOT the problem. You will probably start to beat yourself up, your self esteem may take a hit – DON’T LET IT!
You are NOT responsible for your H’s actions – HE IS.
Quote:
I am not "physically" married right now I am not "emotionally" married right now I am not "financially" married right now I am "spiritually" married right now and I am "legally" married right now.
So…what does marriage mean to YOU…NOT to YOUR H, not to ME, not to YOUR family…what does it mean to you? BEFORE you can answer this one IB, you first will need to….
Quote:
Who / what am I right now?
Answer this ^^^^^
Quote:
Is it still possible to stand this way?
You tell me…is it? Does your love and stand come with an expectation?
What are YOUR values and beliefs? Not mine…YOUR.
IB, I am not trying to be hard on YOU…
This is YOUR time….
Take it…
Take it not to save YOUR M….
Take it to heal….
Take it to learn about yourself….
Learn who you are…away from YOUR H….
What IB is made of….
Can she do this….
You have heard this before….the answers to YOUR questions are inside of YOU….
Look the fear right in the eye….face that f’er….
The search of our soul can be painful IB – I’m not gonna lie to you. You may see things about yourself that YOU do not like. Those, my friend are the ones that you work on…NOT for YOUR H….FOR YOU…
You been through a lot these past few weeks…
You have grown and show your strength….
The urge to quit may come flying in like a tornado….
Question will be….
Will IB…quit on herself….
I think not…but what I think does not matter….it is WHAT YOU THINK.
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Not making light of the situation at all, but my being spiritually and legally married right now has a wonderful perk. It pisses H the H off to be reminded of it.
Im so sorry, sweetie. Finding out about an ow is a very hard thing.
Try not to label everything. Try not to think about standing.
Just try to live your life the best way you know how. Be the best you can be. Do the things you want to do.
Let h blow in the wind right now. This is something he has to figure out on his own.
Who cares if he's with a biker chick? Not you, because you are living your life.
He needs to put the cuckoo back in the clock.
Eric is right. Do not define yourself by him.
And I will tell you what I see you are. A wonderful mom, a smart, strong woman with a huge heart and a caring soul. Someone who wants to do right in a world full of wrong.
Thanks all - I definitely missed you when this site was down! Just feel like I am swimming in a world of "non-standers" - basically people who would easily recommend giving up or would be not be affected by the demise of their marriage. They are married and detached!
I watched Oprah the other day - Martha Stewart was on. She's not the one who impressed me - it was a woman who lost her husband and said that she followed Martha Stewart's crafts, etc. to honor her home. That's what I want to do - honor my family and my home. I don't want to be in a bar / I want to be having dinner with my kids and family.
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
So 12 hour work day. Not so bad - something productive to do. I've established a new name for my current state of being: functional devastation. I make it up everyday and get my son up and ready for school - get myself to work and try to maintain professionalism. I leave work and try to maintain structure for my son. I am trying to maintain dignity - although I think I fail miserably sometimes. I spend too much time worrying about what H thinks about me - what he doesn't think of me. If he compares me to the new woman. I feel waves of nausea still when I think of him with someone else. But I am also beginning to feel waves of anger. Not sure what I will do with it - but try to become a better, stronger woman.
Maybe someday I will feel waves of happiness!
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
The anger must come...for you to heal. Hard part will be not directing it at H. You may not know this but you have already directed it at yourself.
You still blame yourself for your H's actions.
You still worry about what he thinks about you.
You still are trying to do things that 1) do not upset him and 2) may get him back.
IB - change for YOU.
Maybe today is the day that you will start to feel happy.
FTR, you sound a little down..a little defeated.
Suggestion - well I really want to say a bottle of rum and cigar but I know that's not you so what I will say is this.
Your special just because your you.
You need a break..take one...
You are already strong...stronger than most - you just don't feel it right now cause ya need a break.
Scripture tells us to "look up and know that I am your God".
Look up IB
Love is kind Love is patient Love is long suffering...
My fav...
Love conquers all!
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Eric, You always seem to have a good handle on where I am. I do need a break - next week I am taking a Thursday thru Tuesday break. Just for me...no plans - just being. Thanks for your input!
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
