OK Rob. I needed that. I think I am actually a little scared that I am truly ok with the end of the marriage and almost apprehensive about finding too much happiness elsewhere. I hope that makes sense.
Gotta tell this part - this morning I stopped by WAW's workplace to drop off clothes for S16 who started working there today. WAW asked if my pants were new. "Yes" I said. "They make your ___ look big" was her response. We talked for a few minutes about a work issue of mine. She asked for a hug when I left and I gave her one.
By the way...she cried during our phone conversation and made a comment about being "gipped" because I am now going to meet someone, fall in love and they are going to get the better me.
OK Rob. I needed that. I think I am actually a little scared that I am truly ok with the end of the marriage and almost apprehensive about finding too much happiness elsewhere. I hope that makes sense.
Gotta tell this part - this morning I stopped by WAW's workplace to drop off clothes for S16 who started working there today. WAW asked if my pants were new. "Yes" I said. "They make your ___ look big" was her response. We talked for a few minutes about a work issue of mine. She asked for a hug when I left and I gave her one.
By the way...she cried during our phone conversation and made a comment about being "gipped" because I am now going to meet someone, fall in love and they are going to get the better me.
I thought that was a big thing. No?
Quote:
..By the way...she cried during our phone conversation and made a comment about being "gipped" because I am now going to meet someone, fall in love and they are going to get the better me.
Don't get too impressed, this is actually very common, more WAW script. Think about it, they had access to you all this time, they could have worked on the marriage when they had a chance but chose to handle things on their own timetable. She was the one who was supposed to dump you and move on to a better life with a better man but when you move on before she does, when it appears that you find someone better than her, their value scheme gets messed up, it's not how the story was supposed to work out in their point of view, they imagined a very different story and now their reality is turned upside down.
Think about it, her response was that she was "gipped", that statement isn't flattering to you, she feels shortchanged but didn't she leave you, isn't this what she wanted? She prefers you in your sad, defeated, clingy state because it validates her ideas about you. It's not attractive to her when you are in these states but she does enjoy the fact that she holds the power in the relationship. When she loses power, when the relationship dynamic shifts in your favor, it feels uncomfortable for her because she has had the power in this relationship for such a long time. That's ok, this is a good thing.
Her comment about your .... pants, is just a way to test you, to see if she still has a way of getting her claws in you and attempting to regain control. I wouldn't be surprised if she attempted to have sex with you, to tag you and keep you in control, she knows that to you, sex would mean an emotional connection, you would believe she loves you, but in reality she would be doing that to "mark her territory" (you) to reclaim what is hers, not to work on the marriage or the relationship.
When she wants to work on the relationship, you will know it. She will make it known to you in a way that you will be able to tell that she is real and not fake or manipulative. She will work hard to regain your trust and prove her love to you.
Beware of the fake sex she will offer you, it will be good sex but it won't have anything to do with your relationship, when it happens, you know I told you it would and let us know, we will guide you to making that opportunity work in your favor.
You are doing much better and I'm happy to finally see it happen. You apparently finally hit that "threshold" I mentioned months ago, good things will be happening for you now regardless of your wife and your current relationship status with her.
I finally have hit a threshold of some sort and now I can do the things I should/could have done before, because now it's real, not just playing the game.
her status update if it pertains to you is actually a good thing, she actually feels that you're moving on and letting her go, it really is the only time that a chance of her realizing what she is losing will occur.
I guess WAW doesn't like me taking her advice and dating.
Her FB status currently reads: "Really?!?! What a waste of time".
Funny.
Don't comment on it. If she thinks you are going out to get a reaction out of you then you will lose. She really needs to feel you letting go. If you are really letting go you wouldn't care what she thinks.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
She was the one who was supposed to dump you and move on to a better life with a better man but when you move on before she does, when it appears that you find someone better than her, their value scheme gets messed up, it's not how the story was supposed to work out in their point of view, they imagined a very different story and now their reality is turned upside down.
So true, I'm living proof of this^^^^^^
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
I'm about to go over 100 pages.... Is there a lifetime achievement award for that??
I did not comment at all on her FB status, and yes, it is a good thing.
At the risk of RobX getting angry....here's an update...
Last Thurs I texted WAW and asked if she wanted to have tea at her place after work. I know...I know...no persuing. But, trust me on this one, it wasn't that kind of thing at all and it was a tactical move.
Anyway...I went and we talked about some kids stuff, work etc. She initiated a cuddle of sorts, but I made sure to take things no further than how you would treat a friend having a bad day, which she was. She said several times that she misses me etc.
The most interesting things were what she texted when I left. I will quote directly from my phone:
"You just left. The pain I feel is physical. I miss you more than I can verbalize"
Seeing you is torture to me. I don't think you understand that"
"I love you. Completely. This is very difficult"
"That's ok. Used to being alone and in pain. Good to see you though".
The last one was in response to my only response which basically was "not sure what to say" kind of thing.
I have made no mention of the texts since then and have acted like nothing happened.
I am GAL more than ever and that one date with the 25 year old has opened my mind to dating more and all of a sudden there are women everywhere. As I said to WAW (yes on purpose) "I must be putting off single vibes now".
It seems that WAW is starting to feel that I am FINALLY moving on and since it's real now, she knows that too.
I am feeling the best I have in the last year and for the first time ever I am truly doubting if I actually want to save my marriage after all.
Robx - Coach - Puppy etc. It took me way to long to get here and all I can say once again, is thanks for not giving up on me, even when I deserved it!!!
Thought you might like to read a recent post from Gucci:
Originally Posted By: gucci loafer
Fascinating to observe that you both want someone who doesn't want you back.
And yet you fail to get it through your head that the very thing that will give you your best chance to turn this around is to do what works. The FACT is that what the OM did WORKED..
He dumped HER.. She still pines for him deep inside her heart. Her ego is bruised because he DUMPED her...
Women HATE to be dumped... (which is why the facts show that YOU should dump her too. She obviously responds better to men who can take or leave her.
Fascinating that you can't see or understand why what you keep doing doesn't work. Fascinating.
Quote:
...I am GAL more than ever and that one date with the 25 year old has opened my mind to dating more and all of a sudden there are women everywhere. As I said to WAW (yes on purpose) "I must be putting off single vibes now".
It seems that WAW is starting to feel that I am FINALLY moving on and since it's real now, she knows that too.
I am feeling the best I have in the last year and for the first time ever I am truly doubting if I actually want to save my marriage after all.
Thought you might like to read a recent post from Gucci:
Originally Posted By: gucci loafer
Fascinating to observe that you both want someone who doesn't want you back.
And yet you fail to get it through your head that the very thing that will give you your best chance to turn this around is to do what works. The FACT is that what the OM did WORKED..
He dumped HER.. She still pines for him deep inside her heart. Her ego is bruised because he DUMPED her...
Women HATE to be dumped... (which is why the facts show that YOU should dump her too. She obviously responds better to men who can take or leave her.
Fascinating that you can't see or understand why what you keep doing doesn't work. Fascinating.
Quote:
...I am GAL more than ever and that one date with the 25 year old has opened my mind to dating more and all of a sudden there are women everywhere. As I said to WAW (yes on purpose) "I must be putting off single vibes now".
It seems that WAW is starting to feel that I am FINALLY moving on and since it's real now, she knows that too.
I am feeling the best I have in the last year and for the first time ever I am truly doubting if I actually want to save my marriage after all.
It's not that you doubt if you actually want to save your marriage, it's no longer the center of your universe. You're ok if it had worked out, you're ok if it doesn't, life is still good regardless of the outcome, you're no longer attached to the outcome. You're no longer desperate, needy or clingy, you're confident. Huge difference in how you view life now. And you're realization that there are "women everywhere" and that you're putting out single vibes, that is is a confident attitude, it's an attitude of abundance and I'm very confident that your wife feels this now, feels that you are letting go of her because you finally realize that there are millions of women out there and you are confident enough to get any one of them, that you won't let one woman destroy your life because she was indecisive and didn't feel like being married anymore.
That is an attractive attitude, you finally DECIDED to move on.
Wife you don't want me, that's ok, I respect your decision, I'm finding out that I have a ton of choices and the possibilities are limitless. Think of the attitude, it's not cocky or arrogant, it's confident, it's relaxed, it's not limiting, it's happy, it's great, it's full of life, it shows ambition and leadership ability on your part, it's decisive, it's assertive, it's having a plan for your life - these are all things that make you very attractive.
You haven't shown your wife any of these qualities for who knows how long and now you are, and she's seeing them again for what seems like the first time and guess what, her reality is changing just like your reality is. She was making the decisions before, calling the shots, and you felt powerless, couldn't do anything to change her mind, couldn't do anything, to make her see things differently because you were trying to change her mind about you. That never works, how can you forcefully change someone else without them resenting you for it forever? You can't!
So what worked? You let go. You accepted her decision. You moved on. You finally woke up and realized that "hey this is not the end of my world! It's the beginning of new opportunities for me!" You can see better now, more clearly. You aren't limited, You have MANY options, you have an abundance attitude, before you were like "I'll never find another woman, I only want my wife" and she didn't want you at all, she told you so. Now you're like "There are so many women, they're everywhere, I'm single, there's 1000 of them, there is only ONE of ME!"
You "flipped the script", she didn't want you, it's her loss, now she actually sees that, you enabled her to feel this way because you accepted her decision and didn't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you.
Took you long enough to get to this point (seriously), but I told you it would happen when you allowed yourself to make it happen.
Seriously bro, you made me happy reading your post today, today is a good day indeed.
