I received an email from him yesterday that my attempts to get him to change his mind have made him more determined. He said I'm trying to trap him in a loveless marriage. I'm letting him go. Maybe one day he'll call me and give me a chance to apologize and consider giving me another chance but I'm not going to bother him anymore. I hope he can be happy some day again. I hope I can be happy too.
SOA - I'm still not convinced from reading your posts that a 3rd party is not involved. What he is saying is textbook for a emotionally involved spouse. He definitely sounds confident in his decision. Which usually doesn't come unless he had something else lined up.
Just my observation.
Another book I'd recommend is "getting the love you want" by Hendrix
Oh and before you repeat yourself on how "he would never... he's too good.." blahh. Doesnt matter. We have seen ministers cheating on this site before.
Just saying.... Things might not b how they appear....
PMA...I know you are just trying to be supportive, but I really don't understand your thinking here.
SoAsh had sex online with multiple men, told one of them she "loved him" and told others she wanted to marry him, but would have to get divorced ... and her husband READ all of this and possibly SAW skype sex with his own eyes.
IMO, he is behaving exactly as MANY people would behave...by immediately moving out and getting an attorney.
On this board, you see many people in his shoes who don't want to let go...even after seeing similar with their own eyes, even after being betrayed like that. But my guess is that MOST people are more like him than those people here.
The people here want to make things work even after such a disaster. Myself, I would leave and never look back...and yes, that is coming from a former cheater. I'd be done.
Please don't encourage SoAsh to have suspicions of her husband. It isn't going to help the situation for her. IMO. Respectfully disagreeing.
I think I'm moving from denial into acceptance. His email yesterday gave me some closure that I needed. I'm done reaching out. I'm not gonna ask the attorney to delay or stall the proceedings. If he changes his mind he has my number, and if he calls, I will respond cautiously. Here's to being tough.
I'm glad you are making progress. One day at a time. Someone recommended fitness. This has been amazingly helpful for me. As they said, even just walking. A couple weeks ago I bought a pair of new hiking boots. Each day for the last week I've been walking a 2.8 mile loop through a local park. It is not a big deal, but it is something. I feel good each time I complete it. It is a new routine. Not hard, not impressive but new and something to look forward to. Something to take up time and give my day structure.
There are many such things. Running, walking golf, swimming, tennis. Anything. But having some small scheduled thing to look forward to and complete daily has been hugely important to me. A dog is a good idea too.
Rings? Mine is off. Taking it off was harder than not waring it. Mine is clipped to a carabiner. I don't know why. It seemed like the thing to do. Taking it off does not have to be a super meaningful event.
If reading helps, then by all means do it. But all the reading in the world can't change H's mind.
If you are at all like me, time is the issue more than anything else. How to make the clock tick faster. Structure, planning and routine helps me. Give yourself a list of goals for the day. Anything. 1)Do laundry, 2) Read the paper 3) post 5 times on divorce busting.com . . . . . What is less important the the routine and completing things.
Finally, every time you feel the need to call/email/write/text H. Post here first. Ask for advice. I've found each time I do it, put my thoughts into writing, the immediate urge is satisfied and I can stay dark.
Good luck and we are all pulling for you. You will get through this and you will be a better person in the end.
Last edited by NotFromThesePart; 09/30/1006:51 AM.
M:37 W:34 M:4 years T:6 years No Kids A disclosed - 9/1/2010 W asks for separation - 10/19/2010 Moving on - 10/24/2010 A ends (and I believe her) - 12/2010 Content - 3/1/2011 Served - 3/18/2011 D Day - 6/20/2011
I do have a question. I'm still putting my paycheck in our joint account, but he is not. I thought it was the right thing to do. Now I'm not so sure. He always took care of the bills so I'm in the dark about everything pretty much. Now I look in our joint checking account and his gym membership and a nutritional supplement that has on auto-ship each month has been deducted from our account. Other bills that are set up on auto pay like our electric bill and auto insurance are due to come out of the account within the next 5 days. There isn't enough money in the account and for all I know, he could have already had his auto insurance put on a separate policy. I really don't want to speak to him.
I'm talking to my attorney today but she charges me $250 an hour....so basically I don't know what to do. Advice? Not to mention the mortgage will be due by the 15th. I don't make enough money to cover the bills that are coming in. I guess part of this is "my problem" because this is all a result of what I have done, but he wants the house, I intend to give it to him, so he should be helping with these bills, right??
That's what your L is for to make sure that the financial issues get resolved the right way. This is a business decision don't let feelings get in the way.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
That's what your L is for to make sure that the financial issues get resolved the right way. This is a business decision don't let feelings get in the way.
Good advice. I will talk to my attorney today. I want to avoid contact with him at all costs. I will find out what she suggests.
