I get what you're saying, but I didn't know how to force a more substantial answer from her. She was so pissed off throughout the night about our finances that it was all we could do to be civil to each other.
And you're right about her self-esteem. She wants attention, but at the same time, doesn't trust it from me because I KNOW her. When she gets attention from other people, it feels better, Weird psychology.
And as usual, I'm clueless to the solution right in front of me. Play hard to get? Don't give her attention? Start doing my own thing? Try to think of fun things to do together?
When she was complaining about me not talking to her much when she was on her trip, she said I withdraw when things get tough. So I wanted to avoid doing that. But, it did make her give me more attention...
She wants intimacy with me, to know about my life, my interests, my desires, dreams. But if she's glued to a TV or totally shut down, it's tough to start talking about those things. And if it's one of her favorite shows, she gets really upset if it's interrupted.
She told me while making dinner about all her plans for the night, mostly revolving around which shows she wanted to watch and when. She also told me when she would be using her computer, etc. so that we wouldn't have another night where she was glued to the iPad etc. Nice of her to try at least, but I'm married to a TV zombie.
Not to be crass, but when I was in my twenties, if someone I knew acted like she does, I'd tell her she needs to get laid.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
She wants intimacy with me, to know about my life, my interests, my desires, dreams. But if she's glued to a TV or totally shut down, it's tough to start talking about those things. And if it's one of her favorite shows, she gets really upset if it's interrupted.
She told me while making dinner about all her plans for the night, mostly revolving around which shows she wanted to watch and when. She also told me when she would be using her computer, etc. so that we wouldn't have another night where she was glued to the iPad etc. Nice of her to try at least, but I'm married to a TV zombie.
She's bored.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
So if I become Mr. Excitement to her, all her self-esteem issues will go away. Huh. No, I'll still be married to someone with low self-worth, and our problems will just be kicked down the road.
I see how it'll work to get our relationship moving, but we'll eventually have more problems if she can't grow.
So if I become Mr. Excitement to her, all her self-esteem issues will go away. Huh. No, I'll still be married to someone with low self-worth, and our problems will just be kicked down the road.
I see how it'll work to get our relationship moving, but we'll eventually have more problems if she can't grow.
Didn't say be Mr Excitement be Mr Attractive (huge difference). Learn what women want. Your anger is clouding your judgement.
Quote:
I'll still be married to someone with low self-worth
this is what your wife feels about you. Because you put up with her CB. To change her feelings what do you do?
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Huh. No, I'll still be married to someone with low self-worth,
Break the cycle. Appreciate the moment, and don't let the past color your expectations or script your end of your interactions with her. Just deal with things as they happen. Your anger is rooted in the expectation that this will not change.
Plan a weekend getaway, find something oddball to do. Shake things up by doing something unexpected.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
So if I become Mr. Excitement to her, all her self-esteem issues will go away. Huh. No, I'll still be married to someone with low self-worth, and our problems will just be kicked down the road.
I see how it'll work to get our relationship moving, but we'll eventually have more problems if she can't grow.
Didn't say be Mr Excitement be Mr Attractive (huge difference). Learn what women want. Your anger is clouding your judgement.
Quote:
I'll still be married to someone with low self-worth
this is what your wife feels about you. Because you put up with her CB. To change her feelings what do you do?
I'm not angry, I'm resigned to things. Is her not telling me why she was crying really CB? I am standing up for myself, and when I do, she almost always apologizes and changes her behaviour.
Oh duh, you were saying she feels that I have low self-worth.
Ok, I've had some lunch and time to think about this more.
Here's how I see it, give me 2x4s as necessary.
My wife has low self-esteem, and because of that, I'm suspect (unattractive) because I want to be with her, despite her "unworthiness." Check. Got it, understand completely.
So to make myself attractive I need to call her out on CB so she respects me. Check, makes perfect sense, no one likes a doormat.
But at the end of the day, she'll be showing me respect cuz I won't stand for CB. Yet since I still want to be with her, the self-esteem stuff will still prevent her from being attracted to me since only a loser would be attracted to her. Conflicting forces.
I can stand up for myself, that's not a problem. But if she's feeling that she's "defective" and unworthy of love, then we're back to what is really the biggest cause of our marital problems.
Throughout our marriage, I thought that if I tried harder, gave her more attention then she'd feel better about herself. Had the complete opposite effect, until I just quit. Shut myself down like she was.
