I can't recall from your sitch if you're seeking primary or at least 50-50 custody, but reading your post about how your wife is treating your kids has made me really upset.
M40, W 37 M 11 1/2 y T 13 y D filed 5-18-10 S 5-29-10 OM1 discovered 6-5-10 Counter sued for d 6-16-10 OM2 discovered 8-10-10 OM3, OM4 4 kids 10, 7, & 3 D date 10-14-10 http://tiny.cc/mxzct
Without a doubt, you deserve it. More importantly, your kids deserve it. Never give up on them.
BTW, in the thread about your "favorite poster" you said something to the effect of not having anything to offer other than how to get a D. I hope you see the fallacy of that statement. The lessons you have learned and are still learning are going to be invaluable to someone who finds them self in the same position and thinks that no one understands. You do. We do.
Yes, the vets serve a great purpose here by letting us know that they have "been there, done that, this works and this doesn't work." Don't underestimate the power that you have for helping others having been through this yourself. Trust me on this one.
BTW, in the thread about your "favorite poster" you said something to the effect of not having anything to offer other than how to get a D. I hope you see the fallacy of that statement. The lessons you have learned and are still learning are going to be invaluable to someone who finds them self in the same position and thinks that no one understands. You do. We do.
Yes, the vets serve a great purpose here by letting us know that they have "been there, done that, this works and this doesn't work." Don't underestimate the power that you have for helping others having been through this yourself. Trust me on this one.
We just have to agree to disagree I really feel that I have nothing to give back to this board. I tried DBing just didn’t work, I read both books, I GAL my butt off, I made new friends, I let her go, nothing made her look back. DBing along with some other books made me feel better, I put on a fake shell that no one sees through, but its fake, tonight I took some stuff back to my kids after having them for a week, and started bawling like a baby driving home. Not crying for my wife, I don’t want her crying because I miss my kids. I hope and pray that if I ever get in another relationship (which with 4 young kids I kind of doubt that ever happens) it goes better than this one, but looking back on my marriage I have very few regrets about my actions I took care of my family, but still hope its not me that made my wife go crazy (for lack of a better term). My stbex is hot, I may have married up beyond what my unhandsome mug could keep interested I just don’t know. I have thousands of questions and very few answers. I act like I’m strong and over it but deep inside is a very scared little boy who is scared as heck, I know my kids come first, but would love to be able to talk to my dad so he could point me in the right direction. No offering advice is for people like coach and PDT who have there act together.
M40, W 37 M 11 1/2 y T 13 y D filed 5-18-10 S 5-29-10 OM1 discovered 6-5-10 Counter sued for d 6-16-10 OM2 discovered 8-10-10 OM3, OM4 4 kids 10, 7, & 3 D date 10-14-10 http://tiny.cc/mxzct
This morning I had a parent teacher conference with D-10's math teacher once again my STBEX had painted my children's world with rose colored glasses the teachers at my child's school had no idea whats going on with my kids. I have to go back up to the school this afternoon and check on the enrollment forms because I don't think my STBEX provided my contact information to the school when she enrolled them. One week from today the D-bomb dropped 05-19-10 will explode, completing the job of ripping my family apart. I am so scared that I am going to lose my kids, my L keeps telling me we have her but no one knows how this is going to go. The knots in my stomach keep getting tighter each day.
M40, W 37 M 11 1/2 y T 13 y D filed 5-18-10 S 5-29-10 OM1 discovered 6-5-10 Counter sued for d 6-16-10 OM2 discovered 8-10-10 OM3, OM4 4 kids 10, 7, & 3 D date 10-14-10 http://tiny.cc/mxzct
We just have to agree to disagree I really feel that I have nothing to give back to this board. I tried DBing just didn’t work, I read both books, I GAL my butt off, I made new friends, I let her go, nothing made her look back. DBing along with some other books made me feel better, I put on a fake shell that no one sees through, but its fake, tonight I took some stuff back to my kids after having them for a week, and started bawling like a baby driving home. Not crying for my wife, I don’t want her crying because I miss my kids. I hope and pray that if I ever get in another relationship (which with 4 young kids I kind of doubt that ever happens) it goes better than this one, but looking back on my marriage I have very few regrets about my actions I took care of my family, but still hope its not me that made my wife go crazy (for lack of a better term). My stbex is hot, I may have married up beyond what my unhandsome mug could keep interested I just don’t know. I have thousands of questions and very few answers. I act like I’m strong and over it but deep inside is a very scared little boy who is scared as heck, I know my kids come first, but would love to be able to talk to my dad so he could point me in the right direction. No offering advice is for people like coach and PDT who have there act together.
40...
You've done so many of the right things. You will bounce back from this. No doubt there are tough spots each and every day. Don't feel bad about the crying; we're all human, and it's not a sign of weakness.
Your wife has free will. She's done what she's done, and is responsible for that. Don't take ownership of her actions and mistakes. Own your own stuff!
No offering advice is for people like coach and PDT who have there act together.
Offering advice can be very therapeudic. It makes you think and compare your own sitch to others.
There is a poster here who offers advice to an absolute contrary to his own actions. One can hope that someday it sinks in. If it does there is value to everyone involved.
I burried my Dad a week to the day before the bomb.
M40, W 37 M 11 1/2 y T 13 y D filed 5-18-10 S 5-29-10 OM1 discovered 6-5-10 Counter sued for d 6-16-10 OM2 discovered 8-10-10 OM3, OM4 4 kids 10, 7, & 3 D date 10-14-10 http://tiny.cc/mxzct
I act like I’m strong and over it but deep inside is a very scared little boy who is scared as heck, I know my kids come first, but would love to be able to talk to my dad so he could point me in the right direction. No offering advice is for people like coach and PDT who have there act together.
I will let you in on a secret, don't tell anybody - nobody has it all together. The Greek still has moments when she wonders if I have learned anything. The goal is the process - continual learning, improvement, self-awareness, loving myself more, becoming a better me, husband, father, friend, lover, son of God, coach, improve my career ............. (grammar and runon sentences aren't on my list of things to improve at the moment :/).
That scared little boy is your job to take care of, to love and to talk to. You need to deal with it to get to the present. This is all part of your journey to know yourself. You can handle it.
Cheers
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
