I just spoke to a relative who advised me had I been going to church, etc. that maybe God would have changed stbx's heart and I wouldn't be going through a D.
I would've said: Relative, God loves you but he told me I'm his favorite. He's cool if I didn't go to church.
Some people are annoying.
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
Exam and class yesterday. Then I saw IC which was nice. She says I've been through a "trauma." That it isn't a win/lose situation, that she thinks stbx is prob depressed more than he lets on, etc. That he prob didn't have the same attachment I do (well, duh, if he's the one who filed D). She also recommended I see someone about anti-depressants if need be. I want this pain to go away. Must get back to the old me.
J did text me back that day with "Suzie's" name and saying "Who is that? I don't understand !"
I never replied and deleted it. I wish so badly I could erase him and the last seven years from my head. Like if it had never happened. Like if I had one of those remote control things that they used in Men in Black, the mind eraser-things.
I hope the next month goes by fast so we can get to our court date and just get this over with. Did my cycling class this morning. 14 miles in 40 minutes. Going to study today for an upcoming exam.
Wow, exams and divorce, that's a pretty full plate! Your IC is correct, you've been through a trauma and I personally believe most divorces are a trauma. I've said it before but...our society has this view of divorce as if it is just like catching the flu, something that happens to almost everybody and something you just get over. It ain't so! I feel lucky to be a Christian because we believe everyone is broken anyway so what's one more trauma! Re: the AD's, a lot of people on this BB have said they found them extremely helpful but I sense there is a real reluctance on your part as you've brought this up numerous times in the past months but haven't acted on it. What's the reluctance, not that I'm saying you shouldn't have reluctance but am just wondering what's holding you back. AD's have side effects which effect people differently. Some people have few if any and others have a number which can make the AD's a pain too. They also take usually four weeks to have any positive effect but the side effects kick in right away. I tried them and rather than waking up at 4:00 am every morning I was waking up at 2:00 am...ditched them! I was on half a therapeutic dose. I've tried two kinds of St. John's Wort for four months and they did nothing for me so I ditched them too. I had no side effects from SJW at all. Anyway, talk to your doctor, you don't have to take them but it's worth knowing the options anyway and, again, some people are true believers, my Dad and my two best friends are among them. It's also great to see you continuing to exercise through this, that's a natural AD. Good luck with the exams.
Sol... you have been through a trauma and unfortunately, you still are going through it. I found it best to describe the feeling to people like trying to tread water upside down... Practically impossible and really hard to breath. Don't sell yourself short. You need the time to recover from this trauma.
As for ADs... That is completely up to you. I didn't do ADs but I look back now and wish that I did. There were several occasions where I actually thought I was crazy and considered taking myself over to the hospital for treatment. Huddled under desks at work, sobbing on the floor of my shower... You don't have to do it that way. for some people, ADs are a lifesaver but you'll never know if you don't try. Again, up to you. I got through it mostly from my wonderful family and this forum.
Stay positive! You're doing great!
When you are happy as an individual, you are in a better position to determine whether a partner enhances your happy life or weighs it down.
Just a word about AD's from my experience. I've never taken prescription meds. unless it was absolutely necessary. I was hesitant to take AD's. I talked with others who had used them under similar circumstances, and they all, every single one of them, recommended them. I started taking a small dose and it helped...it took the extremes off of the fluctuations between feeling pretty good and feeling pretty bad. The peaks and valleys weren't as tall or deep. They help, and I would recommend them to others going through this awful crap...as long as there are no contraindications. Good luck.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
Didn't know about St. John's wart. Going to have to investigate.
Whatis...the reluctance is I am not big into taking lots of meds. But I really think I may look into this because alas, the cloud doesn't go away. It's annoying! LOL. And you are right. Lots of people think D is like catching a cold or something that will just go away in no time. Eh. Doesn't work that way.
Stbx deleted most (about 60) of the people on his FB and changed his pic. Still can't see what's on his page cause it's private but the "Suzie" girl is still on there... I wonder if he did this because of what happened last week. I never wrote him back, btw. Do you think he will ever feel sad or sorry for breaking my heart? Do you think he regrets his D decision? Or will?
So the lab partner from my other class wants to study together for the exam later this week. He said we could study at his place. Idk... Should I go?
Guys, I have been asked out by a couples of guys since announcing my D but said no to every one of them.
I'm not there yet but am looking forward to the day I will be...
Last edited by soleil; 09/27/1003:12 PM. Reason: I'm an Editing Queen
Sol, I tried St. John's Wort but it didn't do anything for me- I'd skip it. Just get the real stuff.
Dude!! no checking his FB page Sol. Regrets and remorse? yes he will feel them but probably not anytime soon. It will likely happen after you've completely detached and moved on. After you're completely gone from his life and his new life ain't so pretty anymore. Why do you ask? Do you want him to feel sad and sorry now? why? just curious.
Lab partner- here's my 2 cents: How comfortable do you feel with/around him? No guy wants to invite a girl over to just 'study'. Of course, it doesn't mean something has to happen but he's thinking if you did go over at least something will come out of it. So since you've said you're not there yet avoid any mixed signals etc and suggest a more public setting such as a library or Starbucks.
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
Good advice, Romeo (on the "studying.") And yes I guess "studying" should be in quotes. LOL. I will suggest a library. He did our entire lab before class and emailed it to me so I could copy the answers. Like 3 pages worth. That is crazy (though I was thankful).
And yes... I DO want stbx to feel sad and sorry now. Why?, you ask? Because he broke my heart.
Originally Posted By: ImprovedRomeo
Sol, I tried St. John's Wort but it didn't do anything for me- I'd skip it. Just get the real stuff.
Re: the AD's, a lot of people on this BB have said they found them extremely helpful but I sense there is a real reluctance on your part as you've brought this up numerous times in the past months but haven't acted on it. What's the reluctance, not that I'm saying you shouldn't have reluctance but am just wondering what's holding you back. AD's have side effects which effect people differently. Some people have few if any and others have a number which can make the AD's a pain too. They also take usually four weeks to have any positive effect but the side effects kick in right away. I tried them and rather than waking up at 4:00 am every morning I was waking up at 2:00 am...ditched them! I was on half a therapeutic dose. I've tried two kinds of St. John's Wort for four months and they did nothing for me so I ditched them too. I had no side effects from SJW at all. Anyway, talk to your doctor, you don't have to take them but it's worth knowing the options anyway and, again, some people are true believers, my Dad and my two best friends are among them.