So then, I get in the car and find this msg on my phone from GG:
"Oh, just remembered this wknd is Homecoming. No worries we can find another wknd" (See, if you are from here, you know it is a big deal...)
I ran it by my guy friend and he said he bet GG thought I wasn't interested since I hadn't replied? Wow I am really out of the loop on dating anymmore...
I replied back that I had some things to do Friday but could come up Saturday for the game. Then, feeling nervous for some reason, I asked if he caught the ISU blowout Saturday. He replied back right away that he had been there, he has season tickets. So we texted about ISU football for a bit. But, he did not reply to my saying I could come up Saturday. Was that too vague, to say "I could come up Saturday?" Should I have said, "I want to come up Saturday?"
So anyway after a few football related texts that was it. Then, I get in my car at lunch today to another text from him. "We will try another weekend, you have a lot going on cause of homecoming." I just replied, "I could still come up Saturday, but I am also free wknd X and wknd Y if you want to get together then instead."
Sheesh. Maybe I am not together enough to date yet! (Sigh) I just want to hang out with him again, laugh, talk, make out :), and that's it. Do I need to put it on a tshirt or not? Just not sure if guys assume that going out a few times = ready for nookie.
When making out, he (and little GG) will ask or use some fondling to compel you to round the bases. Simpy tell him that you are not ready for that.
Are you sure you want a long distance relationship?
Would it be the end of the world, if after a few drinks and making out, that you did end up in bed together for some innocent adult fun? It may be just what the doctor prescribes for you to move on more post D.
No, Kerry. I don't want a long-distance relationship.
I am not looking for an exclusive, serious relationship right now. I am just getting back in to the world of dating and I do not want to go from an 18 year relationship into another serious one. I want to laugh, have fun, and enjoy being in the company of a man who hasn't decided that I am the reason for all of the wrong in his life.
And I also know, because of my beliefs, that I don't want to sleep with anyone until I do feel that I have found the person I want to be serious with....
Maybe that is where the distance seems like an advantage to me, because we aren't likely to wind up spending all our free time together.
((((((BobbiJo))))) I've got nothin'! But it's good reading!
OK, I have a little. Anything that involves staying over in the same town that far away is going to at the very least leave open the possibility of more than a kiss, for sure, no matter what your intentions. Keeping it to a day trip at least gives you a chance.
I think you need to be realistic about a difference between men and women. I can understand a 30+ year old woman being just fine with making out and not having any intention for sex. But when a middle aged guy is sucking face, his desire is to go further sometime soon. That is the main reason I stopped seeing the last lady - I wanted more besides just smooching, but her health problem was looking like there was no hope for my rounding the bases in the near or distant future.
Well, I guess I am screwed then. How ironic, screwed bc I don't want to screw?
I am just not into the whole free love, just enjoy yourself thing. Sure that's fine for kissing and touching but when it comes to having sex, I have only done that with one person and he had to wait 2 1/2 years! Granted we were babies then (19)...I may not wait that long now, but I still won't do the casual sex thing. So, I may just have a series of first-and-second-dates.
Ok I wanted to report on some things I did this weekend. They are small but they are monumental to me.
First, when I was boxing things up to go to storage last year, there were several boxes of Dan work stuff. Like copy paper boxes. Disgustingly enough, there were dozens of envelopes in there (yes I looked, I was wanting to make sure I kept anything I might want! ) from porn vendors. All addressed to his work addresses over the years: Los Angeles, Kansas City, St. Louis, etc. Why he threw them in a box instead of putting them in the garbage I don't know. It was like junk mail stuff, flyers for DVDs and toys, mostly DVDs. He obv ordered things over the years using his work address so the mail would go there instead of home...
Anyway, in one box I found the phone packaging for his 'secret phone'. With the date on it, May 7, 2007. He told me back at the time that they had first slept together May 3-4, sometime in there. That's when it switched from an EA to a PA. Sadly, we had our daughter's first birthday party on May 5. Being cinco de Mayo, we had a group of friends/family over (Thankfully NOT ow) for grilled fajitas and margaritas. Now when I look at pics of Dan and I with Sydney and her cake, I know that he had just slept with someone else in the prior 48 hours. It was already over and I didn't know it yet...
Anyway, so that very Monday (5/7) he went and bought the secret phone. I don't know why but I took the box and the receipt for it home with me last year, and it has been in my garage ever since. Why? I guess it was proof, of what, I don't know. Of when it all really happened...
Anyway I took the packaging and the receipt and the bill out to the garbage on Saturday. Why did I want to look at it anymore...so out it went.
And then Sunday, during church, I prayed for Dan like I sometimes do. But I also prayed for OW. I didn't know what to pray for her, but I prayed I could feel some sort of compassion instead of hate and I prayed that both of them could find a way to become healthy and make positive choices for their lives. For me, just doing that was a lot.
(((((BobbiJo))))) Well, that was big stuff for you. And not long ago it would have torn you up, so I see progress in detachment!
It is possible to have multiple dates, and even some rather good kissing without sex. Though I must admit that it took specific planning on both of our parts to avoid it. And it would not have been much longer.
I think the key is to actually talk about it, and not assume anything. It actually seems to work.
Oh, and want to hear something weird?? The kids and I went to the big livestock expo Saturday that we go to every year. As we walked the stalls we ran into the cute teacher I know from school who has cattle. Then we ran into Cattle Partner friend, he of the debacle I had last weekend over his cattle sale.
As mentioned before, he is somewhat of a mentor to Dan. Or at least he was, till Dan got mad that he was still friends with me! Anyway I talked with him and his wife, and his son. Then, his son took Nathan and Sydney to look at pigs. Partner asked me how I was doing, as he hadn't seen me since the D. I said I was doing ok most of the time, then I said something about kids being introduced to ow and how I didn't like it but I was dealing bc there really was no other option.
He says, "Oh, I didn't think that was going to happen for awhile, Dan told me he wouldn't do that." So I guess they have talked about it. Then he said, "I told him to leave her in the dust but I guess he didn't listen to me." Well, at least somebody thinks what he is doing is wrong! I said, "Yeah, well he emailed me last fall that he was leaving her in the dust, but I guess he didn't." And the weird thing is, Doug said, "Yeah, I have that email. It was well written. But he is a bonehead for leaving you." So apparently Dan cc'd Partner on his breakup email?? Weird...
Anyway the kids and I went and watched his daughter compete and then we said goodbye to Partner and wife and left. Time to go home for a movie! Anyway as I left Partner said it was great to see that I looked so happy and awesome. Guess they were expecting me too look all distraught? Guess I have made progress.
Thanks for the compliment, Jeff! Every day I try to move a little bit forward. Some days I get farther than others!
I guess the mature thing to do is to discuss it. When did you talk about it with your golfing lady? I mean I don't want to be accused of being a tease, letting it get right to that point and then saying, "No, back off..." But I also don't want to be off-putting by saying, "Before we make out or anything, just know I don't want to have sex yet." Although that's funny bc it is EXACTLY what I did to Dan! In high school one night (he was in college then) he said, "Can we go drive somewhere? I feel weird standing there kissing you in front of your house." (HE would take me home, and we would kiss for a minute before I went inside.)
I said, "We can go somewhere but I am telling you right now I am not sleeping with you!" He laughed and said that wasn't what he was getting at, he just wanted to be alone with me...
I don't think I will use that approach going forward.
Heading out, have to work the JV football game tonight, then more float building.
Too bad you tossed the stuff. You could have mailed it to his work address. "Dear Ex, you forgot this stuff."
You pray for OW. Wow, you are a bigger person than me. I'm really struggling with my feelings for all of STBXW's enablers -- including motorcycle/friend/boyfriend/who knows guy.
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
